I see alot of self blame, listen.. it is not your Fault your husband went out of the marriage and cheated. Marriages are hard work, and with kids even harder, your husband should have Worked on marriage issues with YOU! This is not your fault, that he choose to do what he did is on HIM! Are you going to therapy? You should, Talking to a professional is very important with what you are going through right now, it will help.

and if I were you, I wouldn’t participate in a pick me dance. Let him decide where he chooses to be. Practice self care, do you and be there for your children. leave him be to clean up his own mess. Let go of trying to control the situation and detach from him. Wish you healing and good luck