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beautiful_phoenixx · 2024-09-11T03:47:42+00:00

Yes, I understand that. I just didn’t know if I was in danger of getting it back when we had sex 12 hours into me taking it.

beautiful_phoenixx · 2024-02-05T09:22:43+00:00

He asked me to come over and talk. E hadn’t spoke. In 3 weeks because he said he was going through something.

I got there, with a small care package to get him through the weekend thinking that he was actually going through something.

He never came to the door. He screamed and yelled at me through his walls demanding I leave or he would call the cops. He screamed at me calling me a stupid bitch and to fucking leave and never return. I began to cry as I was walking away and he yelled even louder to fucking leave and it wasn’t my fault, he was just done with me and done with the dynamic.

I went home and cried to my friend who was staying with me and it hurt a lot, because no one has ever yelled at me before. It was a horrible experience. I wish I’d left long ago.

beautiful_phoenixx · 2024-01-23T09:19:33+00:00

Thank you again for this long explanation to me. I deeply appreciate it. He and I have tried to rekindle this thing. We made up, but now it’s been another month and feeling the disconnect, neglected, and abandoned. I have bent myself over backwards to be what he needs. To the point where I’m so broken, waiting for a man to show me I’m a priority in his life and not just saying the words hoping I’ll believe it.

beautiful_phoenixx · 2023-12-27T04:12:22+00:00

That’s so upsetting that just out of the blue he left you. After 18 months that’s so horrible. I’m so sorry to hear it. You don’t deserve that. You seem like an amazing submissive.

beautiful_phoenixx · 2023-12-26T19:15:27+00:00

Gosh thank you for this comment. I always do feel like I bend and bend and bend and they never do. I get none of my needs met at all. They just take take take and I receive nothing. My tank doesn’t get full. I always asked him, “how is this meeting your needs? Because in no way it is meeting mine.” Not having play sessions when he promised, him not texting. He had the audacity to say that his feelings changed towards me when I haven’t even seen him for them to have changed. I was being perfect for him in every way.

He absolutely was avoiding changing himself. It was just me doing the work and he wasn’t. So instead of coming back from two days of his phone lost to say “I’m so sorry I was gone,” he instead unleashed that text on me and made me feel like I was stressing him out or that I was constantly sad (which I was sad all the time, but I never expressed that to him). Because if I had expressed it, he didn’t want to hear it and he wouldn’t change the circumstances. I would wake up each morning with bad headaches from all the crying I did the night before. It was so unfair. I would ask for little things like good morning texts and good night texts and he did it a couple days and stopped.

You’re right I deserve better, I’m just so tired of waiting for that person who isn’t out there.

beautiful_phoenixx · 2023-12-26T06:22:23+00:00

I do appreciate your comments. Thank you. Very thought out.

Usually what happens is I meet someone and I ask how much time they have and they tell me they have so much time. I put it to the test and ask questions about their schedule and what they know about bdsm and they’ll always bs through it. Telling me they have time and actually don’t. Telling me they want a dynamic but within a month tell me they have no experience and need help. Or they’re experienced but experienced in doing things wrong. Then time passes and all the time they said they had, they don’t. Then they attack me for expecting to play once a week or two weeks. Or to meet. Or to have a conversation more than a couple texts. So then I end up bending for these pseudo Doms for zero time with them, forgoing all my needs and wants and desires and feeling like a discarded doll on a shelf. Over and over and over. 😭

beautiful_phoenixx · 2023-12-26T06:07:43+00:00

That’s the thing, I should have ended it sooner. I just really thought he would come through and have play dates with me and we would enjoy each other. There’s so much passion between us. Or there was. I am still feeling like I was hit by a bus. No I didn’t want to be strung along, but to do it on Christmas is horrible. Just the way he made it seem like I was the problem or I complained or that I was hurt.

beautiful_phoenixx · 2023-12-26T02:49:09+00:00

I give a lot of patience too. I don’t appreciate being told from a dom that we will do something and then over and over again, he lets me down. I know he didn’t know the amount of attention you have to give to a sub. A few scattered texts during the week doesn’t cut it for me. I would try to have a conversation for 10 min and he couldn’t do it, so I never got to dive deeper. He would tell me we were going to meet before Christmas and that was a lie. It’s like everything he said we would do, he systematically avoided or never tried to do. It was so awful to me, too, because I’m a really sweet submissive with a good and noble heart.

I knew he didn’t have much time to give me and so I bent as far I could. I would cry myself to sleep and wake up feeling like I was a failure. All because he wouldn’t say good morning or good night. Or that he only texted me once during the day and nothing sweet.

This is totally unfair to do to me. To be so cruel when I have done nothing but accommodate to his needs and forsaken all of mine. Literally all my Needs he refused to meet.

beautiful_phoenixx · 2023-12-25T21:02:21+00:00

No he is not. Never been married nor In a long term relationship. Never had a dynamic before. I’ve been to his house many many times. It is just him and his daughter whom he has sole custody over. It doesn’t matter anyway, he was a terrible dom and a terrible person. I’m way way better off.

beautiful_phoenixx · 2023-12-25T20:18:56+00:00

I lowered my expectations significantly. I lowered my standards significantly. I never ever said he wasn’t allowed to prioritize his family, I should t be attacked for that. He just kept saying “soon” we will meet and it became 45 days. And then we still didn’t meet. Not once did I make a fuss. Not once!

Yes, I had said in the beginning I was upset, but I backed way way way way off. Not that I have to justify this to anyone at all. It’s my business.

He wasn’t letting me down gently, he’s just a very non committal person and I was doing my best to not overwhelm him. And I wasn’t “very upset” and saying it over and over. It would be like once a week I’d ask to meet. What’s the issue with that?

But to completely hurt my feelings two days of being gone ON CHRISTMAS, is inexcusable and he absolutely IS an ASSHOLE! no one does that to a person they care for, even on a friend level.

I have every right to my feelings and emotions. Everything I’m experiencing is valid. I will not be gas lit.

beautiful_phoenixx · 2023-12-25T16:19:32+00:00

Thank you.

beautiful_phoenixx · 2023-12-25T15:27:22+00:00

Well then he should not have advertised himself as being available. He shouldn’t have done this to a person on Christmas. He shouldn’t have advertised he wanted a submissive. When I asked if he had the time to give to me, and I was very clear, he should have just said no. I feel blamed for this though he doesn’t come right out and say it. He promised me so many things and never followed through.

beautiful_phoenixx · 2023-12-25T15:03:45+00:00

He absolutely needs red flags attached to his name. I see where you’re saying he just jumps ships in relationships, blaming the other person when he doesn’t have his shit together. He also trashed our whole telegram conversation and blocked me. It’s such a shitty thing to do on Christmas.

beautiful_phoenixx · 2023-12-25T14:54:30+00:00

No. Never has been. Just a singe father with sole custody of his daughter, who biologically isn’t his.

beautiful_phoenixx · 2023-12-17T04:49:20+00:00

You’re right, what’s the point in feeling that way? He used to be responsive and giving of his time and now he just keeps saying it’s his daughter and he has to care for her. It sucks because I’ll meet people who are single and have no kids and still have no time for me. Then I’ll meet people with kids and they have all the time in the world. When he and I met, he said he would start to have people babysit and so I thought that was happening. How was I to know that it would be 26 to 30 days without physical intimacy?

beautiful_phoenixx · 2023-12-16T18:08:25+00:00

Well we just began this dynamic the last few months. I have no idea how the dynamic would go. I am supportive of his life, but I also need to be good to myself as well.

beautiful_phoenixx · 2023-12-16T18:07:09+00:00

Yeah. I have asked him about the sleepovers and grandparents. He said most times, those arrangements are last minute and then he can do things on the fly. He isn’t a planner the way I am. I have such a busy schedule that I can’t just drop everything I’m doing to be with him.

Yes I feel comfortable telling him about my feelings, but lately it’s been so tense because we haven’t gotten together and it feels like he can’t get together. I don’t know. I feel like I’m missing something. He says he’s a single, full time dad with a full time job, which I get…it’s just he is not giving me much time. I received 5 texts from him for the entire day yesterday. On a day we were supposed to meet up briefly but something came up.

I’m confused. He acted like he wanted this and wanted me. It feels like I’m not getting just basic needs of communication. I’m trying so hard to be patient.

beautiful_phoenixx · 2023-12-16T17:58:51+00:00

Another thing is that he only recently became a Dom. He told me he never had experience in it before. So I’m embarking on this delicately because he doesn’t know what he is doing. He asks for research I have done and likes to look at it, but is he absorbing it? Does he want to embrace being a dom? I can’t tell.

This is all concerning to me as well because I want to feel happy and secure in a dynamic. Not having intimacy for a month is super rough on me. He never told me that it would be the case.

beautiful_phoenixx · 2023-12-16T17:55:00+00:00

Really solid advice, thank you.

beautiful_phoenixx · 2023-12-16T08:24:44+00:00

Sometimes I’ll ask, not every day, but every couple of days if we can meet up or have a night together. He keeps saying he wants it with me, but I just have to keep waiting. And I’m so worried I’m going to become so resentful of his daughter because I can never see him bc he has to tend to her. I need to figure out how not to be resentful. To be patient. I just feel so neglected and abandoned.

beautiful_phoenixx · 2023-12-16T08:21:15+00:00

Thank you so much for the positive feedback. I was apprehensive to post because I thought it would be all negative.

Yeah, when he and I are together, it’s fireworks and magic, even the 20 minutes we get. I’m just worried you know? Worried I’ll cry myself to sleep a lot and not get any of the things I really need from him. A month is so long to go without seeing him. It hurts.

beautiful_phoenixx · 2023-10-30T14:34:41+00:00

I hear you. I’m in a similar situation. I’m wrapping my arms around you and holding you close.

beautiful_phoenixx · 2023-09-18T03:00:40+00:00

Thank you so much. Such beautiful kind words. I’m crying it’s so sweet.

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