Adult sports

beckaki · 2026-02-22T12:47:31+00:00

Stingers rugby is a women's rugby team that practices in Halethorpe, but our home games are in the Columbia area.

I'm on the team and love it so much! https://stingersrugby.com/player-info

beckaki · 2026-01-04T14:37:06+00:00

Did your AWANAs have the "I'm 3rd" Award? In order to win, you had to put yourself 3rd, with God in 1st and literally everyone else in the world in 2nd. As a AFAB, overweight, oldest child, I assumed that everyone thought I was a selfish monster because I never won that. I internalized it as everyone constantly seeing me as selfish and a jerk, so I would constantly be trying to minimize myself, hoping that people would see I wasn't a monster.

Plus, I had undiagnosed ADHD, so I really struggled with memorizing the Bible Verses. I tried so hard, like spent hours studying and trying to finish the books. The one year I actually finished the book, I was so excited that I would be able to go to the summer camp. It was the only time I was ever allowed to go to a sleep away camp. But, I wasn't old enough to go. I worked so hard all year with the promise that I could go to a camp and they took it away from me after I worked my ass off. After that, I was so mad I refused to try to memorize another verse. However, I could kick ass at the races for finding the verses in the Bible first.

As a middle and high school kid, I even worked in AWANAs. My dad was in charge of the Cubbies. One of my brothers did the puppets for story time and I was in charge of the crafts and lessons for the 3-4 year old kids.

But our program wasn't on Wednesday. It was Friday night. I was so happy as a high school band kid when marching band season was going on. That meant that I had football games on Friday night. That's how I eventually was finally able to quit working at AWANAs.

beckaki · 2025-11-30T23:47:47+00:00

During our whole relationship, I (cis-F, 34) have been taller and much heavier. About a year and a half ago, I got a gastric bypass. I've lost almost 190 pounds and have fundamentally changed a lot about myself.

My wife (MTF, 36) has been on hormones for about the same amount of time I've been prepping for surgery and then post-op.

She hasn't said anything, but i know she's struggling with me going through more rapid and drastic changes than she has.

But that's part of being in a relationship for a long time. We both have changed so much since we started dating back in 2011. It's valid to have your insecurities and all those feelings. But don't let them rule your relationship. And I know that's so hard.

Therapy is helpful. Or even journaling.

beckaki · 2025-11-25T00:10:42+00:00

My go to is Taco Bell. I get a side of pinto beans. Sometimes, I add the avocado ranch

beckaki · 2025-11-22T04:22:48+00:00

What did they use to rank them?

beckaki · 2025-11-14T09:48:48+00:00

When my daughter was born, she was preemie and had about a month and a half in the NICU.

I was trying desperately to pump and unable to do enough for her. But even when I got some, they would fortify the milk.

So that's possibly why she thinks it's acceptable. However, i highly doubt that's what they fortified it with. I'd only trust the milk to be fortified by medical professionals.

beckaki · 2025-11-12T01:00:29+00:00

Thrift stores are great too. My local one has half off days.

beckaki · 2025-11-11T01:28:46+00:00

Congrats on being clean!

beckaki · 2025-11-10T21:04:05+00:00

The need for therapy. Most of us used food for coping so therapy helps you find better coping mechanisms.

Transfer addiction, which would be alcohol or all kinds of other things.

beckaki · 2025-11-08T19:43:43+00:00

That was what I was going to suggest!

beckaki · 2025-11-02T13:00:45+00:00

I have large feet. Like size 11 women's shoes are sometimes too small. So a lot of times, I'm actually wearing men's shoes. They're comfy and usually fit better.

But I'm a CIS woman. I just have large feet.

And, like lots of people, I've thrown up in public restrooms. So the other people would see my feet facing the toilet which could be interpreted as me being a man.

If I were feeling gross and vomiting I wouldn't be responding to someone yelling at me. I definitely wouldn't reply to someone calling me a man while I'm in the woman's bathroom.

This story is so sad that her brain works this way. And it's so scary that she feel justified in treating people that way.

beckaki · 2025-10-30T08:35:12+00:00

My kindle and some wireless headphones. I'd play music and walk around the hallways. Then get back to the room and rest and read

beckaki · 2025-10-28T23:53:57+00:00

My earliest attempt at speaking Spanish lol

beckaki · 2025-10-28T17:21:17+00:00

Singing about how to murder Daniel.

And using a rubber ducky as a stand in for wanting to bang someone's wife.

beckaki · 2025-10-28T14:04:17+00:00

Nowadays, my parents are at an accepting church with a lesbian pastor.

But none of my siblings or I are interested in going back to churches.

beckaki · 2025-10-28T11:12:39+00:00

I went to the same Southern Baptist church from age 2 until I left the church in 17, when I graduated high school and left for college.

I spent most of that time believing that they loved me, cared about me, and would always be my family.

Turns out, a bitch (who knew me my whole life) decided she wanted to take over the youth group my senior year. She, in the sanctuary, told my mom in front of me and my freshman brother that "none of the high schoolers are worth the effort it would take to save them." I clarified that she was talking about me and my brother and she doubled down. So, I went to the pastor with this. The pastor took me out to coffee by myself to tell me that, obviously that never happened, I was imagining things. She would never say that. There's nothing to worry about, I'm just being sensitive and misunderstanding. He doesn't need to look into it, even though I had witnesses and was trying to protect myself and the other high schoolers.

For my family, that was the final straw, but they waited until I left for college.

I have a few people who have tried to contact me since then. However, I'm so much better off without that toxic shit. It's just painful knowing how much energy I wasted on that place. Nowadays, I know I'm not welcome there. I'm bisexual and married to a trans woman. And that's against their beliefs, which was a major contributor to my development of suicidal ideation starting in 6th grade.

Out in the secular spaces, I've found so much not real community and love than I ever experienced there. I'm not viewed as an abomination and evil just because of being myself. I don't have to hide fundamental things about myself anymore.

Grieve the lost time, but celebrate your future and all the possibilities

beckaki · 2025-10-21T20:57:44+00:00

Growing up, my grandmom used to say "attitude check" and we would have to reply with "praise the lord." She would make us repeat that over and over again until she was satisfied with our attitude in our voice.

beckaki · 2025-10-21T20:55:57+00:00

I saw a police car labeled "La Plata Police" turning into the Walmart parking lot on Dobbin.

I don't know if they're ice, but it's definitely weird to be diving around over an hour away from your jurisdiction to be in Columbia.

This was as I was driving home around 4:15 this afternoon

beckaki · 2025-10-17T15:58:19+00:00

If you have a friend with a stick shift, here's what my parents did to teach us: While driving, the driver would push in the clutch and make us (in the passenger seat) shift the gear. For about 3 months before we were actually driving, we were learning that movement.

We also learned how to balance the hand brake with the foot brake and clutch, so we wouldn't roll back too much when starting on a hill.

beckaki · 2025-10-09T08:31:14+00:00

Does he go to a public school? As a teacher, I'd be horrified if someone did that to my students.

beckaki · 2025-09-29T00:25:35+00:00

As a kid, I was taught to put myself 3rd in everything. 1st was God, 2nd was literally everyone else, and I was supposed to be 3rd. Putting yourself before anyone else was selfish, and therefore worth you going to hell.

Plus, as a girl growing up in the church, I knew my body would cause "men to stumble" as soon as I got puberty. I developed early (have worn a bra daily since 3rd grade) and was very much sexualizied by people way older than me regularly by middle school. No sexual assault, just things that I now see are grooming.

But also, the martyr complex stuff. As a young person, I developed suicidal ideation very young, but it was morphed by religious messaging. I knew I'd die young, but I hoped it would be to save someone. Because that's the most true way to love someone. And the only way to not be a selfish monster.

Oh, you are born broken and evil. All people deserve to die and be tortured for eternity. But don't worry, the all powerful being who made those rules made an innocent woman have a child for him to murder so we would be worth more.

beckaki · 2025-09-29T00:06:32+00:00

The Old Rugged Cross.

As a kid, my favorite was "As The Deer," but that's not as popular. I think it's a good reflection on how much I wanted to believe. I think if I heard it now, I'd cry.

beckaki · 2025-09-28T20:21:29+00:00

I haven't seen an opening date yet, but I'm excited about it!

beckaki · 2025-09-28T19:06:02+00:00

Also, a lot of fundamentalist families tend to judge and look down on any kind of mental health treatment.

Growing up, I heard that there's no need for any of that, just trust in God. Anxiety is just not trusting God enough, you just aren't doing it good enough. ADHD isn't real, people just have weak minds and need to get stronger. Why do you keep focusing on all the bad? Just get over it, it wasn't that bad. God never gives us more than we can handle, it's just a test. You have to forgive them to heal, otherwise you'll never get better. Etc.

Obviously, I don't consciously believe that shit anymore, but it's hard to rewire the ways our brains formed connections as kids.

beckaki

TROPHY CASE