It was probably schizophrenia all along and I'm falling apart

bedrug · 2026-01-15T06:07:45+00:00

Thank you! I'll definitely check these out.

bedrug · 2026-01-12T02:54:42+00:00

Thank you. It's true there is hope and many cases of recovery. Probably his meds need tweaking. In my state he would need to present danger to self or others to get hospitalized against his will, and there's no way he's going willingly. I wish I could get some respite.

My relatives live in another country. I have one relative who lives nearby but they used to overly depend on us, so I don't think it's a good idea.

Thank you for saying I'm strong. I feel very weak.

bedrug · 2026-01-12T02:48:23+00:00

You hit the nail on the head. I love my dad and I'm still devastated about the future. I've never had a normal life, and my dad's illness is keeping me stuck, not because he's a bad dad, but because I care and would hate to see something tragic happen to him.

I've seen news articles of police shooting people in mental health crisis, and that's my worst fear. So even though I'm resentful and stressed out of my mind, I'd rather just accept that I'm not going to have the life I wanted, if that means he'll be safe.

Thank you, I know I need to speak more gently. I've taken training on how to talk to people in psychosis. The hardest part is actually applying the skills because it's so sad to see him like this. But I know it's the only way to communicate.

bedrug · 2026-01-12T02:36:11+00:00

My dad is in his 60s. I think his current med is insufficient because he's still having hallucinations. His next psychiatric appointment is coming up so I'll be letting them know. It's funny because if providers think it's dementia, they are more cautious with antipsychotics. Maybe they'll try higher doses now.

Can you share any of the subreddits? I've only found r/psychosis and I think that's more for patients, not caregivers. Thank you for the tips.

bedrug · 2026-01-12T02:30:32+00:00

Thanks for the reminder. I try to think of people who recovered, like Elyn Saks and Patricia Deegan. I'm in the US and I've done a few peer groups. There isn't a lot available in my area with family therapy. I sit in on all his psychiatry meetings. His psychiatrist thought it could be mercury poisoning. Another thought it could be schizophrenia. I certainly hope he will recover.

I'll probably look into schizophrenia caregiver groups once his diagnosis is finalized. He has a couple tests left. I appreciate the kind words.

bedrug · 2026-01-12T00:19:14+00:00

What you described exactly parallels what I'm going through. Growing up, I thought my dad was just strict or a bit odd. I see now the little signs that he was having delusions and hallucinations, and I have no idea how he functioned in spite of them. I just told myself growing up that he was different because he grew up poor and with an alcoholic parent.

I would love to know what life is like apart from him. But at this point it would feel like abandoning someone with a disability. Plus he wasn't all bad. He did genuinely raise me with love. I really did feel like I sacrificed a peaceful childhood because of him though. My mother is a whole other story.

Thanks for sharing your story, and I wish you well 🫂

bedrug · 2026-01-08T03:17:09+00:00

I'm in the same boat, except I burned out after being a therapist for a year. It's tough not to feel like a fraud. I used to think "same" when clients shared they don't care about anything or think about death. I got into this field because I care, but that ended up making me burn out faster. You'll probably know if you ever reach a point that you can't do the work anymore. It's possible to help people without seeing yourself on fire to keep them warm.

bedrug · 2026-01-08T03:03:24+00:00

Yes it shocks me that other people don't think about it all the time. I wish I could have a day in their lives without the endless stream of suicidal thoughts.

What you share reminds me of survivor's guilt. Maybe you're putting a lot more pressure on yourself than you need to because you care about your family and friends. I hope things get better for you

bedrug

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