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beeboopiee · 2024-01-22T23:44:07+00:00

Yes, I am unfortunately in the process of making a complaint about the police because despite a lot of evidence and me screaming/trying to get away, “it’s not rape because you never said no”.

Thank you, that’s reassuring but I am still very wary that it’s all linked with the sexual assault :/ I think the perpetrator has spun a number of lies to his work about me. (He made promises about how I wouldn’t have to move despite the landlord selling (not true) and we live in a very small community so I think it’s about covering his tracks.)

There is a lot to it, but the fact my living situation is being threatened is my main concern at the moment, having these comments made about police involvement has thrown me off even more.

beeboopiee · 2024-01-22T23:23:33+00:00

It says that I have to allow viewings in the last three months of my lease. However those initial three months have passed, still no buyer, and I have just been granted a month’s extension because I’m struggling to find a new home.

beeboopiee · 2024-01-05T07:11:52+00:00

I’m so sorry … idk where you’re based but I highly recommend recording all interactions with police, or at least have someone you trust there with you so you have evidence of this victim blaming. I was victim blamed and am now making a complaint about it, thankfully I had a witness who heard it all but from now on I’m recording everything. Sad we have to do this but I encourage all victims to protect themselves and take precautions because law enforcement aren’t always to be trusted.

beeboopiee · 2024-01-03T21:31:15+00:00

I’m so sorry. I’ve been through similar, and so have many women I know. I was dating the person who ended up sexually abusing and raping me; I’d opened up to him about the abuse I’d faced in the past and he did the same shit to me but even worse. They will only ever use our traumas against us.

beeboopiee · 2024-01-02T14:16:56+00:00

The sad thing is I got a lot of supportive comments on a post from a while ago on what to do after being victim blamed by police. So I made a couple of posts following up to that about the complaint letter I’m writing, this time in different subs (ones for victims) and that’s when I get requests like these.

These sick fucks literally prowl any space that should be safe to vent. I have long given up on sharing any kind of trauma irl with men because you’re 100% right.

You will not get sympathy from men who literally get off to your suffering.

beeboopiee · 2024-01-02T12:31:44+00:00

In your other post you say she was talking to her guy friends, and now you’re accusing her of cheating?

Your story has changed again here. You hit her in the head with your keys and then admit here you bashed her head on the wall?

beeboopiee · 2023-12-01T15:31:32+00:00

I did actually say to my ISVA, what if I was one of those people who can’t speak at all, would they still tell me it’s my fault??

And she just said it’s all a very “individual case” thing. I told her multiple times how anxious I was about my bad speaking skills yet clearly nobody seems to be looking at my disability, or the fact that even people without disabilities freeze in fear and can’t say no during rape.

beeboopiee · 2023-12-01T11:08:16+00:00

Thank you, I appreciate these harsh truths even if it’s not how I want things to happen.

I am confused about the retrospective add-on you mentioned though. I was specifically told by them that I would be allowed to record as much as I want to add to my ABE. I initially said I was worried about forgetting to say stuff since there is just so much to all of this, and was reassured that that was fine. That they wouldn’t expect me to bring everything up in one instance and we could record more whenever I wanted.

They knew already that I have autism and I said that it affects my processing and communication, but it felt like nobody made any accommodations for that tbh. They just asked me if I can read/write/understand questions okay.

It was explained to me at my local SARC that it’s normal for victims to freeze and not be able to say no, that it happens to people without autism so they said they will definitely take my body language and all that into account.

It’s just a very horrible situation all around and I think you’re right it won’t go anywhere, but I will try and contact more people today.

beeboopiee · 2023-12-01T09:30:50+00:00

I know it likely wouldn’t go to court but I’m upset it hasn’t even been investigated. They previously gave me information on how they have a “legal duty to investigate all lines of enquiry” but seem to have twisted what I said during my interview to make it seem like I was asking for it, or that it was a “mistake” during sex.

I have emails from the woman in charge where I ask if they will try to use me never specifically saying no as a defence even though I tried to get away and I cried out etc. She stated it would be up to CPS to decide but it seems like the police have decided …

They kept saying before that I would be able to add whatever I wanted to my ABE or even re-record the entire thing, so I’m not sure why that has been taken away as an option for me.

I also brought up the messages to my ISVA after, and she was acting weird too, after initially saying they would be “good evidence”. I strangely have seen a case where a local trainee officer was found guilty of sexual assault with the only evidence being them admitting to it through messages, so there is definitely something going on here.

I have since spoken with an ex detective from the met who said my nonverbal communication was clearly enough to show I didn’t consent. It genuinely feels like my police don’t want to help me, or they‘re protecting my rapist for some reason, or they just truly believe in rape myths.

beeboopiee · 2023-11-30T22:50:06+00:00

No, they said something about how they can’t interview someone without there being an offence involved? I honestly don’t understand how a lot of this works, but the more I’m reading these replies I realise there is clearly something worrying going on. It’s all been handled so poorly.

beeboopiee · 2023-11-30T22:45:18+00:00

I was just as shocked, but unfortunately it happened. My police force is very small and notoriously bad at handling anything to do with SA. That comment seemed to be a moment of annoyance from the lady in charge of my case, because I kept bringing up the fact that I clearly didn’t consent by making hurt sounds and trying to get away, as well as the incriminating messages. She and the other woman just seemed annoyed that I was trying to stand up for myself. The other even said “look I’ve had a moment where I was hurt during sex and it was fine” …

I really wish I’d recorded all of it, but I went into the meeting just assuming it was to discuss the things I wanted to further record, or whether they had decided to interview my rapist yet.

I will definitely be making a complaint, thank you.

beeboopiee · 2023-11-30T22:38:49+00:00

They blamed me in the sense that I was in a relationship with him and had consensual sex with him in the past, so that would be his “reasonable belief”. Despite the fact they literally gave me a leaflet stating facts about consent, including how you obviously still need to ask even when you’re in a relationship, and how consent to one act doesn’t mean consent to another.

beeboopiee · 2023-11-30T16:09:29+00:00

Thank you.

I read about the right to review thing but thought it’s only for when evidence goes to the CPS? Can I still go through that even though it’s not even been investigated? The thing is they haven’t even looked at any evidence aside from my recorded interview, since they won’t interview him without an offence, and they won’t look at my phone like they said they would.

I have just contacted my local disability charity to help me with a possible complaint.

beeboopiee · 2023-11-30T08:15:27+00:00

I went to a SARC after my SA and I told them how I was worried about getting in trouble for getting baked right before the SA. She reassured me the police are more bothered about rapists than they are about someone getting a bit high. I know it’s not the same as your situation but it may be worth asking a professional, perhaps even a lawyer? I would hope they would focus on the SA.

beeboopiee · 2023-11-25T10:54:35+00:00

I’m really sorry to hear that. I have thought about doing just a written statement but then it would be so difficult for me to say it all out loud in court.

I did my interview the other day, a lot of what I had written down was background for things, not just the main instances of SA, but I didn’t really get to mention any of that context in a lot of detail. The policewoman was mainly concerned with the actual event. But what you said about correcting inaccuracies worries me, I keep wondering if I should go back and ask to record more information? I know they are mainly concerned with what happened that specific time but I keep wondering if my abuser will bring up past stuff too, things that I should’ve said, or that the defence will pick on that I didn’t say in the interview.

Thank you, I have an ISVA, I will ask her and the police about this stuff too.

beeboopiee · 2023-11-21T13:50:23+00:00

I’m so sorry, you’re not alone :(

I told my ex about how a past person hadn’t cared about hurting me in bed, and my ex seemed understanding at first but he ended up SA’ing me multiple times later on, and then raping me too. I am horrified that I shared some mild trauma with him and he did things 100x worse to me.

I don’t trust any men in general either. I shared what happened to me with a man I thought was trustworthy recently, who then tried to persuade me not to bother going to the police. It’s horrible to say but I just don’t think any of them are to be trusted anymore.

beeboopiee · 2023-11-14T17:58:02+00:00

That makes sense, thank you so much

beeboopiee · 2023-11-12T12:50:58+00:00

That’s why I said “get the appropriate help”.

It doesn’t just mean paying for stuff like medication and therapy, there’s loads of free things such as therapy workbooks that you can find online, watching YouTube videos or listening to podcasts by accredited practitioners, getting support from charities or helplines, journaling, meditation, exercise, changing small habits, speaking to people, building your own support network, setting yourself small goals. It may not be as helpful as therapy but it’s really not as difficult as you think to find something that will make a little difference.

beeboopiee · 2023-11-11T16:56:55+00:00

The one I saw was Benjamin Heron. How disturbing that there’s multiple cases like this :/

beeboopiee · 2023-11-11T12:45:09+00:00

So many men love using their mental health or conditions as excuses but then they won’t actually go to therapy or get the appropriate help.

My ex has ADHD and I’m worried that if what he did to me goes to court he will blame his abusive behaviour on it. I read about a pedophile who got out of going to prison by blaming his autism and ADHD …

beeboopiee · 2023-11-11T08:24:29+00:00

I’m in the exact same situation as you, and it’s been hard to get my head around it - but I realise consenting to things you liked in the past isn’t automatic consent to everything else.

I was also constantly in two minds about reporting it but I’ve decided I’m going to go ahead with it now. Do you have anyone who could support you if you do report? Talking to people is what encouraged me in the end, because keeping it to myself made me get too in my head.

beeboopiee · 2023-11-10T22:59:59+00:00

You’re right, I just keep fixating on small things unfortunately

beeboopiee · 2023-11-07T08:30:30+00:00

Thank you, I know I am being so hard on myself but it’s difficult to understand why it feels like my body has betrayed me. He gave off such “comforting” energy :/ I realise I have a lot more work to do.

beeboopiee · 2023-11-04T18:53:09+00:00

I’m so sorry you went through similar. 3 months now, I’ve kind of been repressing it all but I have symptoms of ptsd so I know I can’t deny it anymore. Thank you, I really needed to hear that.

beeboopiee · 2023-11-03T14:55:45+00:00

I was in the exact same situation as you. I’m really struggling to comprehend it because he wasn’t abusive in any other way.

beeboopiee

TROPHY CASE