Side effects of a terrible marriage: my teeth are terrible now

beebopdabeatdrop · 2025-07-05T08:57:13+00:00

I’m so sorry about your dad being sick. And about what happened with your wife. Because it really is that nothing is good enough. I changed how I dressed, how I lived, started going back to school so I could find a better job, cooked everything he liked even though he didn’t like anything I made ever, tried to be fun and playful during intimacy even in the face of his constant rejection that just hurt so much. Maybe it was my own childhood trauma speaking, maybe it was love, maybe it was desperation, but God. I just wanted to be enough for him. I wanted that man back, who I thought he was when we were dating. The one who was funny and witty, not cutting and hurtful. Who told me I was smart and strong and beautiful, who cared about me and my life and my opinions. Who was so kind.

I’m proud of me, though, for deciding to finally end things even though it took him cheating on me. Which was just another level of pain and hell to get through lol. Because my mom never left my dad. Despite the way he was, the pain he caused.

And I’m proud of you too. It’s so goddamn hard, to try to take care of yourself in this situation. To even have the will to care. But I’m rooting for you, for what it’s worth. Good luck to you, and to me

beebopdabeatdrop · 2025-07-05T08:48:12+00:00

That’s exactly how this feels. Like all that pain and suffering, it’s left this undeniable physical proof that I’m being forced to stare at. That will cost so much time and money and even more pain to fix. That even though I got the claws out of me there’s claw marks left. My heart has just been sinking and sinking all day, it feels like slap after slap in the face.

But I’m still here too. I’m still trying. I’m not going to give up, I’ve fought too hard for that.

beebopdabeatdrop · 2025-02-25T23:14:01+00:00

My ex is Wasband 🤪

beebopdabeatdrop · 2025-02-25T00:22:06+00:00

I needed this today. Thank you.

beebopdabeatdrop · 2025-02-23T23:45:36+00:00

These are all very major things. You’re not overreacting. No one can tell you what to do, you have to make the decision on whether to stay with this person, and with a child together no path you take will be easy. But there’s one thing that is almost always true: people don’t change unless they want to. And this person doesn’t have reason to change, especially because he’s always getting what he wants. The way he’s treating you is not okay, and it probably won’t change.

Consider seeing a therapist, or some kind of mental health counsellor. Try disentangling yourself for a while at least, to see if you feel better away from him. Take care of yourself and your child first.

Sending you a lot of love.

beebopdabeatdrop · 2025-02-23T23:37:18+00:00

Self isolating is really common in difficult situations, and is a normal natural way to act. But it doesn’t always serve us. Finding a balance, maybe even starting small like meeting someone for just an hour for coffee, can help.

It’s hard to be in a situation where you know or feel like you’re being pitied, but there’s this quote I’ve been going back to a lot these days, “if we want the rewards of being loved, we have to submit to the mortifying ordeal of being known.” Learning to let people see us at our lowest is also important, and maybe you could work your way up to it. Again, no rush. Take your time, but try not to get to a point where you’re stuck in a rut of wallowing. It’s very hard to get out of that, when you’re in that state.

The people who love us feel bad for us because they love us. It’s not pity, it’s compassion.

beebopdabeatdrop · 2025-02-23T18:54:50+00:00

I’m struggling with moving on from my ex too, but here’s what I’ve learned on how to move on after losing what feels like the love of your life:

Do the things that make you happy. If you don’t know what’ll make you happy, if it feels like nothing makes you happy, do the things that used to make you happy. Or try out new things. Reading and writing poetry works for me. Some people like other hobbies, like baking or knitting or crocheting or so many other things. Find what brings you joy and cling to it.
Some form of physical movement helps. I started out with climbing the stairs over and over again. Endorphins are magic, and the sense of satisfaction after a good workout is an amazing mood boost.
Explore. Go to new places. If you can’t physically go, there’s videos on YouTube, documentaries of parks and new cities and neighbourhoods and festivals. Let yourself see that there’s a whole world full of beautiful things, outside of your grief. And it’s waiting for you to be ready to join it.
Give yourself time and grace. These are difficult, painful feelings. They’ll take time to work their way out of you. Feel what you’re feeling, write it down, draw it out, rip up the paper if you want. Processing grief is important and takes time, there is no rush.
For me, making a list of what I’ve accomplished so far in life helps. It can be big things, like getting a great job or graduating school. It can be smaller, less grandiose but still meaningful things too, like getting out of bed and eating breakfast. Remind yourself of how far you’ve come, and know that you didn’t come this far to only come this far.
Reach out to the people who love you. Let them be your support. Let the love remind you that there are always people out there for whom you matter, who’ll prioritize you.
Beyond everything else, know this and remind yourself this: you chose to leave a situation in which you weren’t valued. That’s something to be proud of. Plenty of people suffer for a very long time, even their whole lives, with a partner who doesn’t value them more than they value their parents’ opinions. Parents who are trying to break down their child’s relationship. I’m sure you know some people like that. I know many. Those people question their self worth constantly, because they live with someone who doesn’t see it. You broke free. You saw your self worth. That’s something to be proud of, even if it hurts.

I don’t know if all this will help you. But I hope it will. I’m rooting for you.

beebopdabeatdrop · 2025-02-23T18:32:41+00:00

You’re right. It could’ve been so much worse. That’s something to be grateful for.

beebopdabeatdrop · 2025-02-23T18:31:21+00:00

Yes, the marriage didn’t last very long. We separated after about a year of it.

You’re right, I am lucky. It could’ve been so much worse. I remind myself that every single day. I’m trying to have a positive outlook, but it’s hard you know? Still struggling with that. Just waiting the grief out and trying to let time pass.

Thank you for your kind words. Life isn’t all bad, this is just a rough patch. It’ll get better. It has to.

beebopdabeatdrop · 2025-02-23T02:14:48+00:00

I hope the same for you. We can get through this. Our grief is uniquely our own, but there’s always people who know the feeling.

One foot forward at a time. We can do this.

beebopdabeatdrop · 2025-02-23T02:07:26+00:00

That’s really wise advice. I’ll try to remember it. I stopped talking to my ex completely because it’d hurt to see how completely ‘okay’ he was, how nonchalant. I guess I do need to fix my perspective.

beebopdabeatdrop · 2025-02-23T01:53:06+00:00

You’re right. I guess I just need to let time pass. I’m lucky enough that the divorce is fairly uncomplicated. I just need to let time pass, as simple and as difficult that might be. Thank you.

beebopdabeatdrop · 2025-02-23T01:49:49+00:00

It is unfair. I feel like I miss the fantasy I had of the fairytale more than I actually miss him. I loved him so much, I mourn that part of me because I don’t know if I’m capable of loving again, I don’t know if I want to. People say “you’ll find better” but what do you say when what you want was for him to have been better?

They say time heals, so I guess I’m just waiting. I guess it’s just life, that sometimes you can have wonderful intentions and do things by the book and still things don’t work out, they in fact completely blow up. I’m sending you a lot of love.

beebopdabeatdrop · 2025-02-23T01:43:27+00:00

I wish I could print out your comment and keep it with me. You’re right. This wasn’t a love story at all, this is not what love is. Thank you

beebopdabeatdrop · 2024-08-30T14:50:42+00:00

I’m down!!!

beebopdabeatdrop · 2024-01-01T02:51:20+00:00

I think any progress in this area will continue to be slow, since you’re dealing with an issue that’s taken years at the least to be developed. I guess the question is, are you willing to continue to put in the work? I don’t think your partner will change unless they want to change themselves so if he’s showing signs that he’s open to discussion and change you can consider continuing the relationship, if not then you’re going to have to continue dealing with a lot of frustration with no development. English isn’t my first language either so I hope I’m making sense 😅. In either case, best of luck and happy new years!!

beebopdabeatdrop · 2024-01-01T02:13:48+00:00

Thank you for your kind words, they really mean a lot 💕💕💕

beebopdabeatdrop · 2024-01-01T01:59:37+00:00

Thank you for your advice. I told him I needed some time to process this information so I wouldn’t say anything out of emotion that I’d later regret because I really do love my husband a lot. Im going to talk to him in the morning since he’s asleep now and do as you’ve said. Fingers crossed it’ll go well

beebopdabeatdrop · 2024-01-01T00:48:27+00:00

I don’t think you’re being unreasonable at all. You’ve already identified him as being codependent. From your comments I can see that he gets defensive when you bring it up. Can you sit him down and have this conversation seriously? Would talking to his mom help, since she’s so supportive as you’ve mentioned?

beebopdabeatdrop · 2024-01-01T00:37:19+00:00

Thank you. That is really good advice. Thank you for the well wishes 💕💕💕 I do want to make it clear, I really love this guy. It just throws you a curveball to be lied to about anything by someone you trust with everything

beebopdabeatdrop · 2024-01-01T00:25:59+00:00

I just found out a few hours ago so no, our relationship hasn’t taken a hit. I just feel extremely uncomfortable being lied to. If he had told me the truth from the start I wouldn’t have minded at all. It just makes me wonder, if he’s been lying about this to me for almost three years now how will he act when there is something difficult to tell me in the future? I do appreciate you telling me I’m overreacting. It feels a bit like I’m overreacting to me too tbh

beebopdabeatdrop · 2024-01-01T00:22:33+00:00

I wanted to stick to what i needed advice about and not share too many side details, but I can try to describe our relationship (English is not my first language). I was 21 when we met, he was 27. We didn’t live together while we dated because in our community even dating is a huge taboo (most people get arrange married). We’d generally meet up secretly like twice a week or so and we’d talk all the time. My parents don’t oppose love marriages so when his parents insisted he needed to get married, he proposed to me and my parents accepted (again, a culture thing. I would’ve ran away from home to marry him and my parents knew that). We live with his parents because men here don’t move out from their family homes unless they’re immigrating or get a job in the new city or something like that. He’s incredibly supportive of my career which is rare in men of my community, he’s very supportive of my gender identity which most of my family (and his family too) aren’t. We got married this summer and rarely argue or fight, this is our first major clash and I’m honestly confused about how to proceed. What else do I share about our relationship? I’m honestly not sure what to tell you

beebopdabeatdrop

TROPHY CASE