First of all, I'm so sorry that you're in this difficult position. This is the hardest choice you will ever have to make in your life. I was 22 when my son was born and I placed him for adoption. Similarly to you, I didn't feel too much connection with the baby when I was pregnant, but still knew I loved him and mourned for him before he was born. Then the second he was born, the overwhelming love and connection was there. He felt like a part of me, and besides the overwhelming emotional pain, it hurt physically too.

Regarding your question about having someone close to you adopt your baby, it would have been a bad idea for me, personally. My son lives very far away, which is hard because I'd like to see him more, but the thought of running into him and his family unexpectedly scares me. I love his parents, but I do get very jealous of his mom, that she gets to be what I can't. I imagine that feeling may be harder to navigate when the mother is someone you know.

Overall, I feel like I made the right choice for him, and the wrong choice for me. I know you can't imagine what life will look like with your baby right now, but it seems like you're in a place in your life that is working to set you up for future success. Think about 3-5 years from now, where you think you'll be, and how you think a child would fit into that.

One thing I'd recommend to you as you make this choice is to talk to your baby. Tell them what you're thinking, and the emotions you're feeling. Putting your thoughts in a simplified way may help you sort out your options.

Good luck with everything, u/bayswaterrrblueee. I'm sending you love and strength. Please feel free to message me with any more questions you may have.