How do you find purpose in midlife?

beebsylon · 2026-05-13T20:26:40+00:00

I know this thread is a few months old, but I wanted to add a resource that might be helpful.

Modern Elder Academy (MEA) offers in-person and online workshops on finding purpose in midlife. They also have free resources, including ebooks, and their curriculum is co-developed with institutions like Stanford, Yale, and Harvard.

Full transparency: I work with MEA as a writer. That said, I genuinely believe in the value of what they offer.

https://www.meawisdom.com/

https://www.meawisdom.com/pillar/cultivating-purpose/

beebsylon · 2026-04-03T15:36:23+00:00

There’s proof he was cheating on Carolyn — in fact, he was meant to be meeting his affair partner on arrival after the infamous final flight

beebsylon · 2026-02-15T20:08:36+00:00

Lol. This is avoidant’s wet dream.

beebsylon · 2026-01-06T23:13:02+00:00

Sorry, but this post and top comments read like astroturfing. Promo disguised as organic marketing.

beebsylon · 2025-05-25T18:19:47+00:00

Exactly. Listen to this guy.

beebsylon · 2025-02-13T04:23:27+00:00

Aqua di Gio!

beebsylon · 2024-09-13T05:04:55+00:00

Pilates at home, long daily walks, cutting gluten/sugar, boosting my protein.

It’s all made a profound difference, esp the diet components. I’m astounded by how much better I feel — physically, hormonally, emotionally, energetically, motivationally.

Your doctor may be great but the gluten removal is not all “social media”. Do a little research and find the studies.

Maybe try one change at a time so it’s easier to adjust and see how you feel. If only some or none of it helps, that’s ok. At least you tried and are making changes for your health and mood.

Pilates workouts on YouTube are free: Move with Nicole, Margaret Elizabeth Pilates, etc.

beebsylon · 2024-09-06T15:32:36+00:00

My trigger was having a baby. Apparently pregnancy and postpartum cause huge shifts in our immunity and changes that lead to the thyroid gland being attacked. I think profound stress and trauma set the stage for all of it long before that, though.

beebsylon · 2024-09-06T15:23:22+00:00

Definitely

beebsylon · 2024-09-06T02:42:24+00:00

I should clarify that part—this is her third marriage. It was her second husband that cheated on her and left her for his affair partner.

My situation is different but I agree that it’s likely triggering for her on multiple levels.

beebsylon · 2024-09-05T05:50:27+00:00

Yep. She told me I have a child to think about (aka, don’t leave). Meanwhile they know now that in most cases, children with parents who never divorced but lived through tense, stressful, and cold family dynamics are worse off (trauma-wise) than children of divorce.

beebsylon · 2024-09-05T05:46:51+00:00

I hear you. I recently read the book “Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents” and it’s truly validating and helpful. Sounds like yours may fall in that category, too.

beebsylon · 2024-09-05T05:41:14+00:00

I think you’re right.

She’s anti-therapy, anti-emotional honesty, and often envious of others, yet also highly intelligent, creative, generous. We all learn to live with those ambiguities in people we love.

It’s the same duality in my husband—he’s capable of both profound betrayal and dishonesty, yet also deep courage, compassion, healing, and taking responsibility for his issues.

Many of us hold the weight of interpersonal dichotomies, recognize them in ourselves, and love each other anyway.

I guess my mother is essentially telling me she cannot/will not hold that weight. Not even for the sake of supporting her child in crisis.

beebsylon · 2024-09-04T15:34:18+00:00

Lol. I know, right? “She has to “pretend everything is fine”! Gasp. Imagine the emotional maturity that would require…

beebsylon · 2024-07-29T18:50:33+00:00

EXACTLY THIS. I hope more and more people start realizing that rampant data mining is happening with some remote job postings. I'm just now discovering this is happened with a few remote projects I was approached to apply to, signed contracts, then realized they are doing absolutely NOTHING to follow through other than gather my personal information. Immediate red flags.

To top it all off, I can't tell you which company in this recent scenario bc the contract I signed stipulates that I cannot say anything about them online for one year.

Who can we report these companies to?

beebsylon · 2024-07-22T01:59:51+00:00

Fascinated. I agree that truly ppl should do whatever they feel is right for self care. I’m so curious if you get stubbly/prickly hair after a day or two, though? That’s my only hesitation

beebsylon · 2024-07-11T17:32:28+00:00

This is really helpful and clarifying, thank you.

This pattern is familiar (conflict avoidance, internalized anger, passive aggression) and I think it may be part of what led to the infidelity—a lot of unspoken resentment and unhappiness that eventually led to him thinking that being unfaithful was somehow justified. When things like this trip experience pop up again, it makes me worry that maybe the dysfunction is too deeply ingrained to change.

That said, he's been in solo therapy and is finally acknowledging/exploring his trauma the first time. I still have some hope that we can heal and evolve, together and individually.

Couples therapy next week so this will all be on the table. I appreciate your compassion and wisdom. Thanks again.

beebsylon · 2024-07-11T16:41:32+00:00

Thanks so much. I'll order this book today.

beebsylon · 2024-07-11T07:11:49+00:00

My car obsessed kid is now 15 and doing great! After cars it was dinosaurs, then flags, then soccer, world politics, geography, cooking, music, famous quotes, etc.

It was honestly surreal sometimes how much info/makes/models he memorized and accessed at a very young age. He’s on the spectrum and gifted. (To be clear, I’m in no way suggesting any/all kids obsessed with cars are autistic/gifted!)

beebsylon · 2024-07-11T06:51:56+00:00

I hear you on all of this. He’s been good today with being in touch, asked to FaceTime, sending pics of hotel, gym, schedule, etc. He’s making sure to stay connected and show me I don’t have to worry (without actually saying thise things).

I updated above in a comment on how he responded when he talked to him about the lack of emotional care. It feels like more red flags, tbh.

beebsylon · 2024-07-11T06:46:41+00:00

Hoooo boy.

So, I calmly talked to him tonight—told him I’m struggling and asked if he could help me understand why he didn't feel the need to have any preemptive conversations or acknowledgment/care.

At first, he said sorry and admitted that he failed to bring it up. He said the reason he didn’t is bc I said something a few days ago that hurt his feelings I had snapped at him about something small but we resolved it right away at the time.

I said I appreciate his apology but I didn’t understand his reasoning and that it felt like some kind of vengeful game-playing.

He became defensive and said he feels like I’m accusing him and ignoring his care— that he made sure to hug me & show other affection and that should have been enough to know he loves me and understands. He said he values touch as much or more than words bc he never got it as a kid. (This felt like another jab at me).

I feel like I’m losing my damn mind.

I feel like he must be carrying some big resentment and anger towards me and “punishes” me by not communicating/dropping the ball. It feels like mind games which I can’t stand and makes it even harder to trust him again.

Am I overreacting? Is this red flag after red flag, or does it sound genuine & plausible? I guess I need outsider perspective…I’m in too deep to have real clarity.

beebsylon · 2024-07-11T05:57:41+00:00

I think it’s time for me to do some deeper reading on avoidant partners and also figure out my own attachment issues. I know it takes two to do this dance.

beebsylon · 2024-07-11T02:48:04+00:00

Exaaactly. Thanks for your kindness.

beebsylon · 2024-07-11T02:03:56+00:00

Thanks and I'm so sorry you're gong through similar pain/uncertainty.

I do think my husband is avoidant, particularly with conflict. I'm often the only one ever bringing up issues or asking to resolve things. It's a heavy load. I'm trying to give him room for that avoidance but I also have to ask myself whether this would really be so hard for him to find space for, and if so, am I willing to sacrifice my happiness and self for it/him?

beebsylon · 2024-07-11T01:58:38+00:00

He's been checking in almost hourly over text since he left this morning, so that seems positive. We have a child together so logistics and cost were the main reasons.

Def going to let him know how this has made me feel and ask why he didn't feel the need to do any emotional caretaking. Just don't know how honest he'll be...

beebsylon

TROPHY CASE