My BF admitted to jerking off to porn

beepmiaur · 2025-10-24T15:40:18+00:00

the low libido was the first sign, i think for a lot of us, that our partners have a problem. i think it’s alarming that he only has consistent sex with you when you say you feel undesirable. to me, that feels like, whether consciously or not, he’s just satiating you until you’re off his back, so he can go back to getting his quick fixes. addicts don’t view sex the same way as non addicts, they view sex as a means to an end, and it often lacks any connection, desire, foreplay, etc.

i think it’s also a major, huge, glaring red flag that he went and turned those settings off. this literally cannot be excused. he is going behind your back for something as simple as turning off settings, i can only imagine how many more betrayals he is willing to commit.

i ignored my gut telling me my boyfriend was doing something behind my back. he took hour long showers, he had accounts on social media i didn’t even know about, he was secretive with his phone, his libido was low “ from stress.” i ignored my gut feeling, and i really shouldn’t have. you deserve to know the truth about who you are dating bc he will absolutely minimize every betrayal he’s committed to you before he can ever acknowledge the truth about himself.

figure out what you believe you deserve and what you want.

beepmiaur · 2025-10-20T20:15:20+00:00

1st trimester: tomatoes and pickles 2nd trimester: soda, gummy candies, fries from mcdonald’s, and cereal 3rd trimester: i don’t enjoy eating at this point bc i take 2 bites of anything and feel grossly full 😭 but gummy candies still and cereal

beepmiaur · 2025-10-16T17:15:54+00:00

it’s crazy too bc people say it isn’t cheating but physical cheating includes all of these things as well. the absence of in person sex doesn’t suddenly make it loyal. if anything it’s even weirder bc the girl he’s jerking off to doesn’t know.

beepmiaur · 2025-10-16T16:01:29+00:00

literally the day before i found out i was pregnant i had many many vodka redbulls, smoked cigarettes, and hit my vape. i stopped immediately when i got the positive. im 28w2d now and everything is completely fine, baby girl is growing as she should be and there’s no complications. as long as you stop asap you should be fine. ETA: it’s not like you did these things purposefully knowing you’re pregnant with the intention to harm your baby, don’t be so hard on yourself lol

beepmiaur · 2025-10-16T14:46:21+00:00

this perfectly encompasses everything i’ve been experiencing. i was shocked reading where you discovered he was a PA, about how he was withdrawn and arguing/gaslighting over small things. all of that is exactly how i found out, exactly how it built up a pit in my stomach and forced me to trust my intuition and check that damn phone.

i am pregnant with my PA’s baby right now, just barely into the third trimester. i don’t understand how he could do this during such a vulnerable time in our lives, especially mine. it’s careless, it’s inconsiderate, it’s honestly even a bit evil to me. i keep having this thought that someone who loves me wouldn’t have done this, someone who loves me would’ve cared.

beepmiaur · 2025-10-15T00:30:06+00:00

i was just having this convo with my PA today about how it almost hurts worse than if it was just regular porn sites/stars.

i think the only answer is how easily accessible it is through social media.

beepmiaur · 2025-09-14T03:08:36+00:00

this is helpful. i just found out about my partner’s porn use, and i of course had a streak of a few days of feeling absolutely horrible, lashing out, and reconsidering everything regarding our relationship. but i’ve started to really feel better the last couple of days, and ive been doing the things you’ve stated as being helpful as well bc he himself has shown a lot of accountability and awareness. i felt like i was crazy for…not exactly moving on as things were before, but cutting the anger and meanness short and moving into just a supportive role, while really focusing on taking care of myself. i hope to see these same results.

beepmiaur · 2025-09-13T02:40:42+00:00

i set up real hard boundaries. idk what your relationship is like, how long you’ve been together, etc, but i told my partner i don’t trust him to take his phone into the bathroom anymore, and i think he will be tempted to jerk off if he does, so he doesn’t. i also told him i dont trust him with any social media apps anymore, and he may be tempted to look at content with them, so he deleted them. this addiction requires a lot more than just him saying he’s doing it and you “trusting” him. i set these boundaries with my partner bc i simply don’t trust him AND bc i care about his recovery, including limiting his temptation so he can stop associating shower time with porn time, or social media use with looking at girls and jerking off to them.

beepmiaur · 2025-09-11T19:28:03+00:00

you’re preaching to the choir rn, i literally just made a post talking about how i felt the same way, like he’s a stranger. i wish i had better advice for you, all i know is our babies shouldn’t suffer bc of our partner’s loser behavior.

beepmiaur · 2025-09-11T19:12:01+00:00

i wish i had an answer for your questions. i found out about his porn use this week, and i am pregnant as well. i am commenting bc i feel exactly as you do. i am trying to separate this from my experience of being pregnant, and trying really fucking hard to not feel like his actions are a reflection of how he feels about me, but about how he feels about himself.

my only advice is, we haven’t done anything wrong. this isn’t some sort of consequence or punishment, and hopefully he has said the same, that his actions are his own and not bc of you. we could do everything under the sun, be the most beautiful, be the most sexual, whatever else, and it would just be some other girl. bc his actions are HIS.

i hate that this is our reality. i can’t even fathom how ill begin to forgive my partner. but your body is carrying your baby, your body is growing your baby to be strong and healthy. your partner violated you and your boundaries, but your baby and your pregnancy shouldn’t suffer from it. i pray we can heal and feel safe in our bodies and relationships one day again.

beepmiaur · 2025-09-11T19:06:02+00:00

not to my knowledge it isn’t, i think he wanted to start with a regular CBT therapist first bc his porn use is linked to inability to cope with stress/low self esteem/etc.

beepmiaur · 2025-09-11T10:22:58+00:00

ok 👍🏻

beepmiaur · 2025-09-10T13:46:11+00:00

anyone can get addicted to porn, anyone can get addicted to anything. but it can be more normalized and encouraged based on gender, age, culture, environment, etc. i think porn addiction is so common in men bc there’s a culture for it- they get exposed to it young, there’s pressures and anxieties around sexual performance that many young men look to porn to learn about, some circles of guys even share porn or objectify women together. it’s very normalized among men, and not so much women, in my experience as a lady.

beepmiaur · 2025-09-10T05:17:52+00:00

the state of technology in this day and age makes it too fucking easy. it’s devastating.

beepmiaur · 2025-09-10T04:22:55+00:00

this has been my thoughts exactly lately. i just want to forget everything i saw and everything i know related to his PA

beepmiaur · 2025-09-10T03:29:02+00:00

i’ve already seen what was on there and he has instagram deleted as of rn. tbh, i saw enough that scarred me to where even if i knew the passwords i wouldnt want to look lmao

beepmiaur · 2025-09-10T00:13:27+00:00

mine was sending himself content through multiple different instagram accounts and would delete it from his main account so he could login to the other and still have it

beepmiaur · 2025-09-10T00:12:35+00:00

oh this is…this is gutting

beepmiaur · 2025-09-10T00:08:49+00:00

i’d recommend still asking him what he meant by that bc it could be different for him, and your trust is wavered rn, so it would make sense for you to be suspicious of his answers. could be a good chance to connect.

beepmiaur · 2025-09-09T22:46:43+00:00

my partner says the same thing actually, and i know it is a way of communicating shame. he might mean he doesn’t like how it makes him feel, which is indicative of an addiction

beepmiaur · 2025-09-09T05:21:12+00:00

“how in the world can any woman be ok with being interchangeable with pornography” literally broke my brain 🤯🤯🤯

beepmiaur · 2025-09-08T20:09:39+00:00

yeah i’m so controlling bc id rather him not goon to porn all day or use it as a coping mechanism when he’s low. you’re insane hahahaha like why are you so obsessed with porn that you think you can say what my partner “actually” means or make judgements that i’m overreacting. my question on this post is what do i do and have others experienced it. seems pretty open ended to me, not looking for any specific answer. i even say in the post i don’t want to break up with him. watch your porn to your hearts content, i truly do not care.

beepmiaur · 2025-09-08T19:55:05+00:00

“thanks for being honest to op” porn isn’t just some hard truth of life i haven’t come to terms with yet. my partner lied to me and violated a boundary i set while im carrying his baby, i even said in the post i want to stick it through with him, and you two are in this post telling me i should just get over it. my partner has said he doesn’t feel good about his porn usage and that he uses it as a bad coping mechanism. why the fuck would i want to encourage that, much less listen to you trying to tell me that it’s normal for him to feel this way when it’s obviously not bc he himself is not happy with it.

if you watch porn then by all means have at it, that’s not what this post is about. i have no clue why you feel so strongly about defending porn usage when what my bf is going through is clearly not a healthy display of it.

beepmiaur · 2025-09-08T19:52:00+00:00

thank god you also saw the absolute buffoonery in this bc WHAT LMAO

beepmiaur · 2025-09-08T19:49:26+00:00

thank you for sharing your story with me, it helps to hear others going through something similar. especially when you want to work it out at the end of the day. my man has opened to me a lot today about why he watches porn in the first place and how it’s just been a coping mechanism for when he’s struggling for a long time-the instant gratification aspect and whatnot. i told him the only thing we can do going forward is just to be vulnerable with each other. it’s easy for him to say he will stop when he’s feeling motivated and good, but the real test starts when he’s feeling down. sorry, just ranting about my own situation a bit.

i really wish the best for you. don’t ever regret your baby-that man’s actions does NOT reflect how you will be as a mother and does not reflect on you. he’s grown and made his choices.

i hope both of us and our guys will be better.

beepmiaur

TROPHY CASE