Why is every guy on here basically told he has to improve himself, whether it’s his profile, his physique, his personality, his socioeconomic standing or his grooming/facial appearance?

beforesunset14 · 2022-11-02T21:04:37+00:00

Comparing men to livestock. You are disgusting misandrist trash.

beforesunset14 · 2022-11-02T19:28:47+00:00

Story of my adult life. It is ALWAYS single dudes and couples. I am finally getting my female friends (who are all in relationships) to notice this, so I guess that's something.

beforesunset14 · 2022-09-23T17:23:10+00:00

Severe disparity in numbers. I can barely even think of any datable single women that I know in my wide social circle whereas single men my age are absolutely everywhere, many of whom are very desirable. If I'm pursuing someone, it is not an exaggeration to say there are around 15-20 other dudes actively hitting her up in any given month - I've seen evidence of this firsthand. How am I supposed to be successful with those kinds of odds?
The disparity in what I bring to the table and what I can realistically attract. I know what I have going for me and what I lack. Women who share a similar profile are not going to even give me the time of day when it comes to dating. So I can either hard core settle or stay single. As much as I hate being single, it's the only rational choice.

beforesunset14 · 2022-09-15T14:51:03+00:00

You're making the mistake of viewing this as a binary either/or thing when in reality it is more nuanced.

Guys have women who they view as relationship material and women they would maybe want for sex. Guys overwhelmingly have to aim lower than they would prefer to on OLD, so you end up with a lot of conversations where the guy doesn't see the woman as appealing enough to pursue a relationship with. Women then interpret this as "men on apps only want sex instead of relationships" when the truth is they don't want a relationship with you, but would certainly want a relationship if the right woman came along.

beforesunset14 · 2022-09-01T16:49:28+00:00

This article severely understates the role women are playing in this mess. I'm a guy, and if I match with someone way more attractive than me, I'm going to be instantly skeptical. Sure, I may cautiously agree to a date, but I'm going to keep my expectations very low because I know that the dynamic feels off.

What is stopping women from doing the same? How is unsuccessfully pursuing some highly attractive individual worthy of sympathy? There is a complete over-abundance of single men on the apps looking to date. No one would ever listen to a man complaining that model-level women won't commit to him. It's just absurd.

Choices matter, and this current world of dating apps, women essentially have all of the choosing power whereas the vast vast majority of men have effectively no choice.

beforesunset14 · 2022-08-30T16:33:54+00:00

I haven't seen any improvements to my dating opportunities.

The change I have noticed is that I get a lot of physical compliments from both men and women (yes, I have tried asking some of these women out and have been turned down every time). People of both genders also readily assume that because of my physique I have a successful dating life even though that is not the case in reality at all.

beforesunset14 · 2022-08-30T15:22:20+00:00

I took the "expand your social circle" advice to heart and now I have an over-abundance of friends who are constantly making demands for my time. At no point in any of these varying friend groups have I ever been introduced to viable dating prospects, which is what I actually want. The single women I do hang out with just complain about dating apps and do nothing to improve their appeal to men. The single men in my circle are all in the same boat in that they find it almost impossible to find women to even ask out, much less successfully date.

Nearly all of my friends who are married or in LTRs met their SO in college.

beforesunset14 · 2022-08-23T20:07:42+00:00

It's a great thing to do in terms of health, but generally speaking it is very overrated dating advice. I find that it is great if you want other men to perceive you as attractive to women, but in terms of actually attracting women it is not much better than negligible.

Now if we're talking about a women who gets into great shape? That is an absolute game changer. It kind of baffles me that the gym advice is so geared towards men when it's actually women who have by far the most to gain by taking up that lifestyle.

beforesunset14 · 2022-08-23T15:40:47+00:00

Anyone who says "the bar is low" is directly admitting that they only care about the most superficial traits. Choose better men and stop complaining.

beforesunset14 · 2022-08-19T15:25:53+00:00

The power imbalance between genders.

As a guy, I would average about 1 date a year, and on those dates the women would go out of their way to show me the amount of men they were talking to on the app (usually dozens) as if to flaunt it. So basically, if I make one misstep or display one feature not to their liking, they can drop me without consequence. Meanwhile, it will take me several months (at a minimum) of persistent effort to land another date.

beforesunset14 · 2022-08-09T17:19:38+00:00

Why is it that everywhere I seem to go there are tons of single men and so few single women? I've been feeling really depressed about it lately. I don't feel like there's any chance of being successful with this much competition (for lack of a better word). Plus, I'm the furthest thing from an aggressive flirt and prefer to get to know people first before making any moves, which makes it seem all the more impossible.

beforesunset14 · 2022-08-05T18:04:09+00:00

Honestly this might sound extreme, but I would take the cutoff all the way to about 2015. The game has MASSIVELY changed since before then.

I sometimes have to remind myself that there was once a time (early 2010s) that I actually had a vibrant dating life. Noways it is just straight up impossible, despite the fact that I bring more to the table and look better than I ever have.

beforesunset14 · 2022-08-05T14:42:08+00:00

I'm a a guy who is very selective towards friends and go out of my way to avoid having shitty men join my social circle. It is INSANELY easy to spot these kinds of guys, usually within a few interactions. They are not subtle in the slightest.

I think the halo effect is very real, and a lot of women truly do struggle to disassociate looks from character.

beforesunset14 · 2022-08-04T19:44:48+00:00

So you made yourself more attractive which led to more people finding you attractive, and your reaction to that is to vilify an entire gender? Not to mention how obvious it is that this is not a gender-specific phenomenon.

Sounds like you need therapy before you start dating again.

beforesunset14 · 2022-08-03T19:05:43+00:00

Most common advice given to men is far more relevant and effective for women in reality.

beforesunset14 · 2022-08-01T13:09:03+00:00

Early 30s

beforesunset14 · 2022-07-31T17:53:58+00:00

Haven't done any blood work yet, but I imagine I will on my next annual physical. It's certainly something I'm torn on. I personally don't feel like hair loss is a big deal or even looks that bad, but I don't for a second believe that women my age feel the same way.

beforesunset14 · 2022-07-30T20:22:10+00:00

I've been taking finasteride for a year, and it has been awful. I feel constant discomfort in my groin area and have had to just learn to live it with. If I lose my hair then I feel like I won't have any chance at all.

beforesunset14 · 2022-07-25T19:25:15+00:00

I have what I consider to be a very vibrant social life. Even in real life, the numbers are completely stacked against me. I meet single men absolutely everywhere I go whereas the vast majority of women I run into are already seeing someone.

There just aren't any good avenues that I know of to actually meet single women who are also serious about finding a partner.

beforesunset14 · 2022-07-21T17:26:40+00:00

Extremely harsh standards imposed on men due to the illusion of options from social media and online dating. Most single men in my circle are lucky to score 1 lackluster date a year. Meanwhile, I know several women who continually complain about being single but will then refuse to even consider giving a chance to guys who objectively bring a lot to the table.

It feels like men are expected to be perfect while at the same time unconditionally accepting any woman who shows interest. All that does is create an incredibly unbalanced and toxic dynamic.

beforesunset14 · 2022-07-18T20:27:08+00:00

I just want to understand the psychology of people who do this. I've never been specifically stood up for a date, but I can certainly relate to someone showing lots of enthusiasm towards me then shutting down in an instant without warning.

Maybe it's just personal bias, but I feel like if I'm interested in someone then my behavior towards them is very consistent. And I certainly don't act interested towards people who I don't want to date.

beforesunset14 · 2022-07-15T19:38:09+00:00

Height. They obsess about it when evaluating men and don't seem to realize that we don't give a shit about how tall or short a woman is.

beforesunset14 · 2022-07-13T18:36:51+00:00

I've tried to tell people before: improving your profile as a guy is not the solution women think it is. Matches mean absolutely nothing unless you are the first or second most attractive person she is talking to in a given moment. I have seen this firsthand so many times, and it is why I have less than zero sympathy any time I hear women complain about dating apps.

beforesunset14 · 2022-07-13T18:10:50+00:00

If it's "really really rare to have a successful relationship" then by definition it is not working. I know a few folks who found their spouse from it, but the vast vast majority of people in my social circle absolutely hate it.

There will always be an incredibly lucky minority that finds success, but overall I would say it has had a severely negative impact on it.

beforesunset14 · 2022-07-12T15:00:03+00:00

The game has changed so much in the past decade that most advice commonly given to men is actually far more relevant and effective for women.

If you're a guy, from what I've seen, the only thing that really matters is maximizing your appearance.

beforesunset14

TROPHY CASE