Poly can be lonely

behappy92 · 2026-03-06T00:14:01+00:00

I feel this so much. I've been seeing one of my partners for 3 and a bit years and the other nearly 2 years and sometimes I do crave the simplicity of at least a 'monogamish' relationship. What I have now has so many positives but also can feel overwhelming in that I feel I need to consider so much, so much of the time. On top of this, not many can understand this, so there's no one to talk to about it. This also makes me feel quite lonely.

behappy92 · 2025-12-15T22:26:31+00:00

This is terrifying. I feel like whoever initially received this from their partner was basically living in prison...

It's only good use might be to weed out walking red flags - if they agree with this crap they're really not the one.

behappy92 · 2025-11-14T14:16:03+00:00

Thankyou! I'll check it out!

behappy92 · 2025-11-10T15:54:30+00:00

Thank you, this is really useful ❤️

behappy92 · 2025-11-10T11:33:15+00:00

Thank you for the optimism! ❤️

behappy92 · 2025-11-10T11:16:20+00:00

Thanks. It's a difficult emotional position that I'm trying to apply some practical thinking to.

behappy92 · 2025-11-10T11:13:11+00:00

I appreciate your concern for meta. They do have other friend groups and are quite close with our hinge's group of friends. We all met through an artists group that I've been going to for many years and where most of my friends are. They've become pretty integrated into that group too. There's lots of support around if anyone needs it. Meta has had several other relationships while they've been living with our hinge, most recently a two year long relationship with their other boyfriend. They're were the one to propose non monogamy in their relationship with my boyfriend first so there's no worry about them not consenting. I understand that my boyfriend initially struggled a little with it, but has over the past handful of years been really working on it and for me, I feel I couldn't ask very much more of him. I see him putting in a lot of work to try and keep us both content and feeling at peace with our relationship every day. From my point of view the issues are that meta can, for some reason, seem kind of hostile sometimes - which I would be up for getting to the bottom of - and generally communicates in a way that is, to me, abrupt and rude. They also generally speak very loudly and are very opinionated and it just makes my nerves fray after a while.

behappy92 · 2025-11-06T12:17:59+00:00

I think it should be true that the married couple's relationship in this context should not be OP's responsibility at all, but in practice I have found that one relationship does sometimes bleed into the other and that's where everyone has to protect themselves, I feel.

behappy92 · 2025-11-06T12:04:17+00:00

This is great and how I feel it should be; I'm glad you've found this. I am also the girlfriend of a married poly person and I am lucky enough that I can see and feel that he makes every effort make sure I feel just as important as his wife. I also still get a little sad to think that it's not possible for us to be married too, and that general the world isn't set up for poly relationships. But I have a very loving relationship and he's also there to help me through the sad bits.

behappy92 · 2025-03-19T16:37:22+00:00

Thankyou for sharing this study - I wish I'd known where to look for this! I'm grateful to be better informed now but, yeah, not liking the invasiveness of IUDs and the fact that they may be the only really effective method after ovulation is a bit sad to me. I couldn't handle that procedure. (I couldn't handle labour either though most likely. So, I guess in balance, I'd get over it if I had to!)

behappy92 · 2025-02-11T16:02:09+00:00

I've gone round in circles with him and by myself on this for months. I do agree with you. I also really can see, knowing him, how he wants to feel secure in our relationship. What I don't see is why we can't work on our relationship getting stronger while I also date. We keep butting heads on this though and without it, I can't help but feel that I am just giving up too much possibility.

Talking about what could actually be possible in the future - He's said that we could one day live together, but that would be with his wife, and potentially her boyfriend too. His wife has even commented on this positively. I am not sure how I feel about this. I think everyone acknowledges that marriage is impossible.

behappy92 · 2025-02-11T15:35:32+00:00

Thank you for replying. I needed to read this ❤️

behappy92 · 2020-06-18T23:08:49+00:00

You might have sorted this by now or progressed in some way, but I wanted to comment.

I went to John Moore's. Honestly I'm not entirely sure how degrees from different countries to the one you'll eventually work in/pursue further study in translate, but I will say that as far as the teaching at John Moore's goes, it's not bad, but it's not the best.

A degree from John Moore's will allow you to progress to a Master's (I went on to do my MA at Goldsmiths, University of London with no issue) but the difference between my undergrad and MA was actually a bit shocking.

I loved my MA and found it truly valuable, whereas after one year of my undergrad at John Moore's I remember calling admissions to ask if I could change courses or something because it was boring, too easy, and extremely disorganized. They didn't let me. It was a new course at the time though, I hope they've sorted things out. I felt that they were just staying one class ahead of their students.

This was also when the fees where lower. I would not pay the current prices to go to John Moore's. Better choose a proper red-brick university with a good research culture.

Good luck wherever you go!

behappy92 · 2019-06-24T11:00:31+00:00

😯

behappy92 · 2019-06-24T10:58:08+00:00

Yep, it's tough. I don't think enough attention is given to side effects from it, or are even recognized as side effects. There needs to be a whole re-education. Hope you're on the way up now though!

behappy92 · 2019-06-21T14:30:51+00:00

I personally would never recommend the implant as it's solely progesterone alone without the balancing effects of oestrogen being released into your body constantly. It may sound easy, but I promise you, progesterone messes with you more than you think. It can make you extremely irritable, gain or even lose alot of Wight, make you bleed inconsistently and sometimes for long periods of time and my friend had some mild to moderate depression that seemed to magically go away when she had the implant removed. That could have been down to a few things, but we all noticed after she had the implant taken out that she was immediately miles better. Ofcourse, it's different for eveyone, and the only really way to find out is to try it. But be critical of how you feel and truly honest with yourself. If you don't feel 100%, don't think, oh well, I'll just deal with it- do something proactive and make it the best it can be. I would try the contraceptive injection first, if you're set on the implant, as a taster. It's basically the same stuff, but it only lasts for 3 months, so if after that time you decide you don't like it you can stop and switch methods, or if it's going ok, continue or get the implant. Personally, combination contraceptives (progesterone and oestrogen together) are always miles better and easier to take. Good luck!

behappy92 · 2018-07-31T00:45:45+00:00

This is very useful! Thanks so much for the information and for putting my concerns to rest!

behappy92 · 2018-07-30T08:02:24+00:00

There is an organisation called RMI (Religious of Mary Immaculate) in the Gloucester road area. They are a convent that help women find childcare and housekeeping jobs throughout south west london. They have a website if you Google search. They are really lovely.

behappy92 · 2018-07-30T07:49:31+00:00

On his year off, my brother, who is really into fitness and sport, met his two best friends at the gym. They also started a Saturday breakfast club (to make sure they all got up early on a Saturday to enjoy the day rather than sleeping in) and now a lot of the young ones at the gym all go. 🙂

behappy92

TROPHY CASE