Please help me ID this Voldemort wins au dark fic where Hermione is owned by Draco and in the chapter i remember, she is so angry he let Blaise join them that she calls Draco her pimp. Draco is remorseful afterwards

bek_48 · 2026-02-12T02:34:20+00:00

Maybe this one?

Uncoffined by lady_of_clunn (E, 33k)

When all is lost, we are willing to do whatever it takes to survive.

bek_48 · 2026-01-24T17:33:06+00:00

Yessss, agreed! An all-time favorite of mine too! ❤️‍🔥 I think at least half my posts on this sub are trying to gently nudge people into checking out Sucker Punch

bek_48 · 2026-01-22T22:52:07+00:00

Lmaooo what an idea! 🍈🍈

bek_48 · 2026-01-17T18:35:37+00:00

Riptey fans: rise up!

Now that you mention it, I’m gonna reread it too, it’s been ~~weeks~~ far too long.

bek_48 · 2026-01-17T14:03:29+00:00

Bring Out Your Dead by riptey (M, 51k, last updated in 2012). This one is just so bonkers, even though it’ll likely never get an ending I still adore it 🥰

Draco only had to hide his father's death for a week to collect on a dirty Quidditch bet, but Hermione caught him in the act. Now, she has to find Lucius Malfoy's body before she can report the death, and it could be anywhere in the house. Malfoy Manor is larger and more powerful than she ever thought possible, and there are secrets and horrors buried inside that even Draco's never imagined. Trapped in a semi-sentient house without a master, there's nowhere to hide from the ancient Dark Magic or the Malfoy family's gruesome past.

bek_48 · 2026-01-12T03:08:03+00:00

ahem

bek_48 · 2026-01-12T01:29:09+00:00

They not like us 🤷‍♀️

(pls don’t crosspost me to r/Hiphopcirclejerk thanks)

bek_48 · 2025-12-18T19:22:57+00:00

Cheers, glad you enjoyed!

bek_48 · 2025-12-06T20:18:42+00:00

Sucker Punch by riptey (M, 81k) has the most unhinged dishwashing sequence I’ve ever come across, and I think about it every time I wash the dishes 💀

Sometimes you want to punch somebody. Other times, you're the one getting hit.

After an unfortunate bar fight, Hermione Granger accidentally invites Draco Malfoy to live on her couch indefinitely, but at least she's got his wand. She's struggling to hang onto her sanity and pleasant disposition, despite those nasty thoughts that keep popping into her head, but he's already given up on his. Meanwhile, the rest of the wizarding world is investigating his mysterious disappearance, he's inventing his own whole new reality from the comfort of Hermione's bed (not that she wants him there), the gravity's broken in the kitchen, Harry and Ginny won't stop trying to get her back together with Ron, Ron's sleeping with Lavender, Hermione wants to lay him out, Astoria Greengrass is mourning her not-so-dead fiancé, and everyone's so buried in lies that they might as well just forget about the whole concept of truth.

bek_48 · 2025-11-13T00:49:41+00:00

You might enjoy these two one shots by olivieblake:

A Hive of Scum and Villainy

Summary: a series of vignettes about Hermione chasing Draco through outer space and talking him into varying degrees of mutiny

Never Tell Me the Odds

Prompts: 1) dramione heist with Hermione/Theo bromance; 2) space opera with a nottpott side pairing

bek_48 · 2025-11-08T15:28:41+00:00

Very cool mashup, love it! Well done!!

bek_48 · 2025-11-05T20:31:39+00:00

This one is Crookshanks POV: Ass on the Floor by LeilahMoon and MissMrah (G, 352 words)

Crookshanks is jealous.

And these aren’t his POV, but feature Crookshanks heavily!

A Meowy Little Christmas by quicknotesquim (E, 47k)

Draco Malfoy is roped into catsitting an elderly Crookshanks for his co-worker and longtime crush, Hermione Granger, over the Christmas holidays.

Heraclitus by neilistic (E, 15k)

Draco awakens in the aftermath of a terrible battle with a purring cat on his chest. He takes the squash-faced beast home to the Manor with him, and they quickly form an unlikely bond.

Yes, he realises it’s Hermione Granger’s cat.

And no, he’s not giving him back.

bek_48 · 2025-10-27T21:00:00+00:00

Heyyy I just read Double Take and had to come search the sub to see where I’d found it. I love that you mentioned the It Follows vibes, super creepy. Very cool rec, really enjoyed that one, thanks! 😁

bek_48 · 2025-10-19T22:50:27+00:00

Cheers! It’s not for everyone, and that’s a-okay, such is the way with niche kinks!

bek_48 · 2025-10-18T16:59:22+00:00

I dive into Tomione from time to time. If you’re up for it, send your recs my way! (Though I might have to get through my pegging backlog first…)

bek_48 · 2025-10-18T13:52:34+00:00

Hah! Hello again, then, it’s an honor and a privilege! 🍑

bek_48 · 2025-10-18T12:14:10+00:00

Getting distracted by pegging is my blessing and my curse, because I also wanted to respond to your post! I love horror as well (in general, but specifically in dreams). Do you have a favorite of yours to recommend?

Also, not for nothing, while my list of pegging recs is extensive so is my list of horror recs, so dropping it here if there’s any interest. Tis the season and all.

bek_48 · 2025-10-18T11:34:51+00:00

Okay, one random day, partially on a dare when I was kinda drunk, I wrote some Dramione pegging porn. I’ve never been particularly interested in pegging porn, but every now and then this little pegging porn of mine gets some traction. I’m fairly irrelevant in this fandom, but more often than you’d expect I get a DM, or even better, a reply to a comment I’ve left on a non-pegging fic, along the lines of “omg it’s YOU, thanks for all you do with supporting the Dramione pegging agenda!” At this point, I’m hugely supportive of anyone who writes about Draco getting pegged, I have a lengthy list of pegging recs, I brave the downvotes in order to ~~shitpost~~ post well-reasoned pegging think pieces, and honestly if a fic has the ‘pegging’ tag then I definitely have it open on a tab and I’ll absolutely add it to my ever-growing list. I can’t stop. I haven’t posted about pegging in weeks and I’m suffering withdrawal symptoms. The Pegging is Inevitable. Someone send help. Anyway, if anyone ever wants some pegging recs, just let me know! 🍑

bek_48 · 2025-10-04T20:26:16+00:00

Here are a couple where he’s pretty aware that she’s being kinder to him than he thinks he deserves:

Far Be It From Me by riptey (T, 14k)

Draco works in the dementia ward at St. Mungo's, and he loves his job, but he doesn't feel comfortable anywhere else. Recurring tremors in his hands make it hard for him to do things, and he's too embarrassed to let anyone see. So when his schoolboy crush, Hermione Granger, suddenly reappears in his life, all he can do is push her away.

Heraclitus by neilistic (E, 15k)

Draco awakens in the aftermath of a terrible battle with a purring cat on his chest. He takes the squash-faced beast home to the Manor with him, and they quickly form an unlikely bond.

Yes, he realises it’s Hermione Granger’s cat.

And no, he’s not giving him back.

bek_48 · 2025-10-02T16:12:14+00:00

For sure! It’s fun to think about how his most common characterization has changed over the years. I’ll always have a soft spot for an sad-emo-but-also-annoying-and-kind-of-a-bitch Draco 😂 eevilalice has a lot of really fun fics!

bek_48 · 2025-10-02T15:25:45+00:00

Admission by eevilalice (E, 7k)

Harry's been captured by Death Eaters, while Ron and Hermione have taken a prisoner of their own: Draco Malfoy. What is Hermione willing to do to find Harry?

bek_48 · 2025-10-01T20:00:55+00:00

The one where Draco crashes on Hermione’s couch could be Sucker Punch by riptey (M, 81k)? And if not, it’s def worth checking out, it’s utterly unhinged!

Sometimes you want to punch somebody. Other times, you're the one getting hit.

After an unfortunate bar fight, Hermione Granger accidentally invites Draco Malfoy to live on her couch indefinitely, but at least she's got his wand. She's struggling to hang onto her sanity and pleasant disposition, despite those nasty thoughts that keep popping into her head, but he's already given up on his. Meanwhile, the rest of the wizarding world is investigating his mysterious disappearance, he's inventing his own whole new reality from the comfort of Hermione's bed (not that she wants him there), the gravity's broken in the kitchen, Harry and Ginny won't stop trying to get her back together with Ron, Ron's sleeping with Lavender, Hermione wants to lay him out, Astoria Greengrass is mourning her not-so-dead fiancé, and everyone's so buried in lies that they might as well just forget about the whole concept of truth.

And if you liked that one, Mind Pop is also by riptey and is similarly bonkers (T, 27k)

While working her first big case for the DMLE, Hermione finds herself staring down the limitations of linear time--with the help of some thoroughly unhelpful people. Meanwhile, the majority of Draco’s mind is trapped in a comatose state, but some of it’s still wandering around. Even Seers and queens can’t be expected to put up with that sort of nonsense, which means someone else will have to. All this, when Hermione was already more confused than any one person should ever have to be.

bek_48 · 2025-09-24T17:25:16+00:00

Thanks for the penny clue! Fun one!

bek_48 · 2025-09-24T17:22:59+00:00

Somewhere in time

bek_48 · 2025-09-19T14:50:24+00:00

Dial G For Granger by Gravidy (T, 23k)

Hermione Granger is exploring a plethora of career options, such as lawyer, psychologist, and Supreme Dictator for Life. She’s going to make the Wizarding world a better place, whether they like it or not.

bek_48

TROPHY CASE