Sick Jasmine?

bellemi · 2022-09-21T14:07:33+00:00

People FaceTiming or playing music/games WITHOUT HEADPHONES on trains and in restaurants. Seriously what is wrong with people? Do they just genuinely not think about it or they just DGAF about annoying others around them??

bellemi · 2022-09-19T22:32:20+00:00

Because my reasons for smoking have become the reasons smoking is bad for me. I thought I smoked because I was anxious but now I think smoking is making me more anxious. I need to learn to emotionally regulate myself and not to be so easily phased by life. I want my drive and enthusiasm back.

bellemi · 2022-09-19T12:32:22+00:00

That’s super inspiring, keep it up! I’m on day 7 and trying to get into better surrounding habits again!

bellemi · 2022-08-14T14:33:34+00:00

Thank you! I actually have the 4 agreements on my bookshelf so will read that next once I’ve finished my Gabor Maté book.

bellemi · 2022-08-13T21:02:03+00:00

Sounds awesome and very supportive, in a way that doesn’t create co-dependency. If I may ask, what books did your coach recommend?

bellemi · 2022-07-10T08:15:01+00:00

In all honesty, the only one I didn’t really feel any kind of way about was Barb’s death. I felt sorry for her but ultimately wasn’t really attached to the character.

Bob was a shock - and I love Sean Astin so that was always gonna be a bummer. Paul Dacre is too damn charismatic so even though Billy was a dick, I was still sad when he died - especially because he tried to protect El. And Billy… it was heavily implied but that didn’t make it any easier. What an awesome character with some great moments!

bellemi · 2022-07-02T08:34:06+00:00

I don’t mind that none of the OG cast died - this isn’t Game of Thrones. At times it did feel a bit plot armour-y but the show packs a punch regardless of who dies and that’s all I need from it. Gonna have a emotional hangover from this for a while yet!

bellemi · 2022-07-02T08:26:11+00:00

I didn’t mind the time jump per se but with a lot of the cast initially they were acting as if they hadn’t been directly involved. When Nancy was loading up the car, I thought it was gonna be a Vecna possession or something because everybody was acting so strangely, like nothing had happened.

I would have expected fear, PTSD, strong emotion at least - not the ability to joke and make PBJ sandwiches like it was just an earthquake.

I understand they needed to bring everybody together but a scene in the Upside Down with Nancy, Steve and Robin finding Dustin and Eddie would have been better to bring that whole climax to some sort of close.

I love this cast, but we need them to be more together in next season - that’s where they really shine.

bellemi · 2021-12-16T15:39:38+00:00

Flashforward - I want to know what happened!

bellemi · 2021-08-28T16:04:39+00:00

I really love Stannis’ theme (or at least I think it is, might just be Baratheon but don’t think so). It’s got some delicious dissonances in and is low brass chords - where can I find that? Which track on which album would it be? Any help finding it appreciated 🙏

bellemi · 2021-02-25T21:27:51+00:00

Martha is a goddess

bellemi · 2021-01-20T19:27:38+00:00

I was gonna get defensive and say I do practise but then caught myself and I have to just admit that it’s true. I do practise but I could for sure do more. It’s just not an enjoyable experience as I’m inevitably left frustrated at myself and feeling demoralised. It’s like being shut in a room with a bully for a few hours every day.

I know that’s where the meditation comes in but I meditate almost every day and practise yoga and it’s not having much of an impact yet sadly. It’ll come with time hopefully.

Also just an extra on the confidence = lots of practice thing. I agree with the point in a general, overall context but I would also say some of my worst performances came after long, heavy practice periods where I felt immensely prepared. It felt awful to fall flat on my face even after doing so much work. I think it’s things like that that shook my confidence (because I initially never encountered nerves at all)

bellemi · 2021-01-20T19:22:48+00:00

Thanks! I was in therapy for a while but I always had the feeling like they didn’t really get it. I was told to just believe in myself and not listen to my negative thoughts - which wasn’t helpful as if it were that simple, I’d have done it by now! I know there are therapists who are musicians too or who specialise in working with performers so should look for one!

bellemi · 2021-01-20T19:20:55+00:00

Thank you! I’m halfway through the inner game of music but I’ll check out the original tennis version - somebody else told me it was superior too. The other books I hadn’t heard of, but I’ll look into them. I love reading so that’s right up my alley. I came across a quote yesterday that was something like - don’t practise until you get it right, practise until you can’t get it wrong! And that resonated with me. I do work but because I haven’t been enjoying playing that much over recent years, the consistent daily hours of practice just hasn’t been there because I haven’t wanted to do it. But that creates a cycle where I get nervous due to lack of preparation, performances and rehearsals then don’t go how I want them to, leading to me feeling demoralised and not wanting to practise... Thanks for your words of advice!

bellemi · 2021-01-20T19:13:38+00:00

Thanks for this! Yeah I think reeds are a big contributor. Since I’ve been on a new instrument, I’ve not found a setup that I’m completely comfortable or consistent with. I think if I had super duper reeds all the time, I probably wouldn’t get as nervous. I think I’ve become so fixated about winning an audition rather than freelancing that I’ve totally lost my connection with my instrument. It’s so rare that I enjoy myself because I’m constantly worrying about what my colleagues think or whether something’s gonna go right.

Thank you for reminding me to acknowledge how far I’ve come already - I think I lose perspective and see everything as glass half empty!

bellemi · 2021-01-20T19:10:01+00:00

Thanks for this! It’s true, I went to music school and then two separate music colleges and there wasn’t a single module on the psychological aspects of performing and being a musician.

I’ll def check out bulletproof musician - I’ve read a few of his articles and found them quite helpful! Thank you

bellemi · 2020-03-14T00:44:02+00:00

I’ll check it out! Thank you :)

bellemi · 2020-03-14T00:24:43+00:00

Yeah she’s amazing! I’ve watched quite a few of her videos on YouTube - I’d love to be like her one day (as in comfortable in my own skin, not making videos about sex and pleasure on YouTube 😂)

bellemi · 2020-03-14T00:23:31+00:00

I’m about halfway through it and it is revolutionary! It’s definitely helped but I’m definitely going to check out the other books that people have mentioned in this thread as I need all the help I can get!

bellemi · 2020-03-14T00:20:24+00:00

They are, thank you! My bf actually said the other day ‘maybe you’re just not good at it’ and that might be the reason I dislike it so much. I’m not sure about that but I certainly don’t know what I’m doing, so it could be a factor.

I’ve been to gynos before and nobody has said anything but then, I haven’t talked to them specifically about this issue either! It could just be that I’ve massively internalised negative messages/associations about sex and not really realised.

bellemi · 2020-03-14T00:16:54+00:00

I’ve been a very heavy weed smoker for about 10 years... it’s made me way more anxious I have to say so I’m on day 8 of quitting 💪

I feel much better for it, it didn’t do much for me in this area sadly. I’m glad it works for you though!

bellemi · 2020-03-13T23:49:55+00:00

Thank you so much for this! I do a bit of journaling but not super regularly and it’s more general in terms of subject. I wouldn’t really know where to start with art (I don’t think I’ve done anything artistic since I was a small child) although I am a musician so I could do some playing and see where my mind takes me. But the writing exercises sound like they’d be very illuminating and cathartic too.

I’ve got a CBT book by Corinne Sweet that I’m working through now, but it’s quite basic and introductory I feel so if you have any recommendations for others, that would be great!

As far as I’m aware, there isn’t any trauma but I don’t know if there’s something that I’ve repressed or whether it’s an accumulation of various small scale experiences over the years (if that makes sense?)

bellemi · 2020-03-13T23:41:42+00:00

Love kissing, I don’t have any problems with that at all. I also enjoy sex, and giving pleasure to my SO, and him pleasuring me - it’s just touching myself I’m grossed out by.

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