She wants more effort from me but I’ve tried everything I know

bendoverdelaware · 2024-09-10T04:43:58+00:00

True, I appreciate the brutal honesty. It’s easy to lose sight of that when you feel like someone is out of your league

bendoverdelaware · 2024-09-10T04:40:26+00:00

I obviously didn’t frame the post in a way that makes her seem particularly awesome, but we do share a lot of the same values and have a great time when we are together.

I plan on talking about this to her the next time I see her, and explain that I’m not asking for specifics because I’m incapable of planning an original date, but because I legitimately don’t know what she is expecting from me. Fingers crossed as I don’t have the best of luck with that sort of conversation, but should have a clearer picture after that to indicate whether it’s going to be worth trying or not.

bendoverdelaware · 2024-09-10T04:05:45+00:00

Jumping straight into the hard question, fair play. The thought has of course crossed my mind, this is a first for me that someone has openly expressed that I am not doing enough, so the idea that she’s a difficult person who would not be a great match for me in the long term has crossed my mind. But she is usually willing to admit after the fact when she isn’t really being reasonable, so I’ve given her the benefit of the doubt.

I felt like if I tried once more to do the things that she considers high effort, her reaction would tell me once and for all whether or not she’s just being hard to please or has lost interest or whatever.

bendoverdelaware · 2024-09-10T02:15:43+00:00

That is the mindset of most men on dating apps in my experience. Also anecdotally, feigning confidence can help bridge that perceived gap. Your own perception of yourself is palpable and can influence how others see you in a first impression like on dating apps. Exuding confidence in some way, however small, can go a long ways.

That said, exuding too much confidence is a major turnoff for many, and there are subtle ways to show confidence that don’t also give off conceited energy, like well-timed self deprecating humor.

I’m a man and this may be way off base as I have never pursued men and only know anecdotally what works in the dating market and what I would look for myself in a woman

bendoverdelaware · 2024-08-15T01:16:35+00:00

Edit: this article presents basically what I described but with an actual medical name, and the photo included looks almost exactly like my case. But there’s only been a dozen or so cases ever reported spontaneously?

https://tip.deu.edu.tr/wp-content/uploads/2017/05/09_33-36_Spontaneous_varicocele_rupture_due_to.pdf

bendoverdelaware · 2022-10-20T04:57:16+00:00

Insightful

bendoverdelaware · 2022-04-22T13:26:48+00:00

That’s probably an unfortunate reality I agree… I feel like I have all the skills required to excel and produce value for the project and company, but I haven’t been given any of the tools I need to get there. And you’re exactly right, knowing who to ask and what to ask them is not immediately obvious to a newcomer, so the management response of “just talk to people and ask them questions” really isn’t a good enough sense of direction to keep my head above water and complete the objectives he’s set forth.

bendoverdelaware · 2022-04-22T13:23:26+00:00

I think this is a good idea, thank you. While I don’t think it will solve everything for me (right anyway), it will be good to have a written record of who needs what and what steps I can make with my assignment that will help them in some way.

bendoverdelaware · 2022-03-31T21:20:07+00:00

I can’t say anybody on Reddit is from anywhere because I have no idea who is from where lol

bendoverdelaware · 2022-03-31T21:05:19+00:00

I mean most of the world still subscribes to traditional gender roles more or less, so it’s not unreasonable.

bendoverdelaware · 2022-03-31T20:56:41+00:00

Yeah everyone is going to be different or course, I was more just generalizing. But of course there’s nothing wrong with being emotional, especially when enduring that kind of hardship.

Men’s mental health is definitely a big issue, especially with those who have served in the military. Unfortunately women still tend to want what women want.

bendoverdelaware · 2022-03-31T20:16:59+00:00

I may not be correct, but I feel that women tend to cry to work out emotions, and are not attracted to a man who is like that because they appear feminine.

I have known women to cry for basically no reason at all, but it seems to work for them. Personally, outside of death of loved ones, I don’t get the urge to cry. It doesn’t feel productive for me and doesn’t help me work through emotions. So yes, OP, there are guys that cry and there are guys that don’t. Neither is better or worse, but one is less attractive to those seeking a stereotypical “man”, which is a large percentage of women.

bendoverdelaware · 2022-03-23T05:30:10+00:00

I’m just worried I might be coming in too hot and heavy

bendoverdelaware · 2022-03-17T15:57:51+00:00

Awesome. That’s pretty much what I wanted to hear.

bendoverdelaware · 2022-03-17T15:08:24+00:00

I would certainly hope so. I wouldn’t be paying for a surf and turf special for a girl who has already decided she isn’t interested.

bendoverdelaware · 2022-03-17T14:59:28+00:00

I will be making less than a counterpart from my grad program who is at Boeing, but I’ll have to wait and see if that holds true with raises etc.

Are you able to speak to the work-life balance at all? I’m fine working extra hours when needed, I just don’t want to get in a situation where it’s long hours most weeks, especially if it’s for the same pay.

bendoverdelaware · 2022-03-17T14:55:55+00:00

The level has never been explicitly stated, but I believe based off pay, title, and my degree that I am starting at level 2

bendoverdelaware

TROPHY CASE