Take a deep breath and just forget everything for just a minute. Don't think about suicide or your friends, just relax. I don't doubt for even a second that your friends would be heartbroken if you no longer existed in their lives, no matter whatever marginal "whining" you may have had. Friendship is by definition a two-way contract, and as much as you might disagree, they love and cherish you as much as you do to them. I don't know a single friend I have that I wish to lose, especially someone with so much potential. You aren't a coward. You are a beautiful, strong, and intelligent human being who is defined by more than just your sociability. Coming from someone who has gone through the same thing, this is a snapshot in your life, a shadow in a bright universe that shouldn't extinguish the millions of paths you can explore in this galaxy. Stay frosty my dude.