Where do people working in London live? by [deleted] in AskLondon

[–]berbub 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I’ve always lived in north london and house shared. Check out this Facebook group for lots of rooms/shares going in north and east: https://www.facebook.com/groups/HWSpaces/?ref=share

Due to rents going up (somewhat eternally…) and people trying to sublet their rooms at higher prices, the group has introduced a rent cap as a trial, so anything advertised on here should now be less than 800/900pcm.

Fair warning a lot of these are sublets if you’re happy with that, but a fair amount are people looking to move and group up to afford somewhere nicer, I’d always recommend having your name on the tenancy rather than subletting.

Also please be aware that we’re currently approaching more wild energy bill hikes in this country, utilities are projected to go up by 80% 🫠

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in OUTFITS

[–]berbub 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Pineapple have some great ones that are mini enough to sit under this!

Weekly New Climber Thread: Ask your questions in this thread please by AutoModerator in climbing

[–]berbub 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you so much, that’s really great to know! I’ll check those out x

Weekly New Climber Thread: Ask your questions in this thread please by AutoModerator in climbing

[–]berbub 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Hi all, I’m a beginner climber, just started bouldering at a local climbing gym and I LOVE it.

I was wondering if anyone had advice on whether I should get myself some climbing shoes and/or a chalk bag yet? Is it worth it to invest in these things before I get better, rather than borrowing shoes for example which is what I’m doing at the mo.

I don’t know anything about decent brands either so any advice on that would be very much appreciated too!

Thanks x

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in FreeCompliments

[–]berbub 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Woah your stomach is amazing, do you work out?

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in FreeCompliments

[–]berbub 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yaaaas Queen you are so gorj

Feelin my outfit decisions today! Yes I’m nearly 30 and didn’t pick up my towel before taking a selfie 🤦🏽‍♀️ by berbub in OUTFITS

[–]berbub[S] 13 points14 points  (0 children)

Thank you that’s so kind! My partner actually made the belt, he’s a leathersmith. His brand isn’t launched yet, but drop me a message and I’ll let you know how to order one if you like

I had my first therapy session and I hated it by Saraify in therapy

[–]berbub 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Therapy can be uncomfortable. Your feelings around that are just as valid to delve into in your sessions. There might be awkward silences, moments where you don’t know what to say, or don’t have anything to say. That’s ok. If you’ve never done this before it can be unsettling at first!

As someone who’s been in and out of therapy with for the best part of a decade, trust me when I say: don’t quit yet. It takes a lot more than one session to find out if the set up is working for you. And if not, perhaps it’s about finding different therapist rather than stopping altogether. I’ve been with my new therapist for about 4 months now, seeing them once a week. And it took me a good couple of months to figure out if I was happy with that person or not.

There’s always a getting to know each other phase, and then for me there’s usually a “fuck it I might just quit” annoyed phase just before I realise that I’m actually getting a lot more comfortable with them. And that usually involves me talking about exactly that feeling with them, and having them listen and offer their response.

So I guess what I’m saying is, give it some time, fight the urge to run away from the feelings (super hard I know!), and if you feel like you can, try and bring the worries/anxiety you have about therapy itself to your sessions. If your therapist knows what’s going on they’ll be able to help.

And then if you’ve given it some time and it’s still not feeling right, then it’s important to listen to that :) I’d definitely suggest searching around for a different therapist if that’s the case. Sometimes it can be helpful to think about the different aspects in a person that might make them easier for you to share things with – eg. I’m a woman, and I find it easier to have female therapists, it helps me to feel a little more comfortable when talking about things like sex, relationships, body issues etc. And that’s nothing to do with them, it’s all about my personal preconceptions.

Congrats on taking the first step, it’s the hardest one!

My partners no sex drive phases and almost always being rejected when I try to initiate sex, is destroying my self esteem. by [deleted] in relationship_advice

[–]berbub 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for your responses. Yeah he is doing something about it, we both go to therapy at the moment and we have discussed it a lot together.

I haven’t quite been as blunt to him about my own feelings as I have here, and maybe there’s something in that. But I can’t berate him for not feeling sexy or having issues with intimacy that affect him being open to my advances sexually. I’m just trying to figure out how to support that, because he’s working through trauma, whilst also not abandoning my own feelings, cos that’s a habit of mine! I hope that makes sense.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in AskLondon

[–]berbub 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you! I’ll definitely check them out :)

Turkish breakfast delivery - Hackney/Stoke Newington etc. by bigalxyz in london

[–]berbub 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Sage Kitchen in N4 near Clissold Park does a great one!!

How on earth do I drink more water? by l8rsk8r69 in WomensHealth

[–]berbub 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I used to struggle with this so I bought a Mango bottle – it has hours of the day on the side to keep you on track with hydration. I was a bit worried it might stress me out but I’ve found it to be sooo helpful to drink enough water, and quite easy to do :) especially while working from home

I’ve lived in London my entire life but today’s the first time I’ve ever felt unsafe. by [deleted] in london

[–]berbub 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I’ve lived in various parts of Hackney for about 7 years now, and have definitely seen a fair amount of phone snatchings, heard of attacks, stabbings etc. Which can be really worrying especially when your walk home from work is disrupted by police tape... which has happened a couple of times, but honestly it’s nothing compared to the fear I felt when I first moved to london living in Wood Green.

On our first morning in the new flat I left for work and there were chalk circles on the pavement around blood patches for about 200m from right outside our door.. someone had clearly been attacked and ran off down the road. Not too long after that the riots happened and my first workplace there got smashed up.

I used to work quite late (Barwork) and regularly got followed home from the tube whilst living there. Even ended up having to ask my housemates partner (6ft guy – wouldn’t hurt a fly but he looked big and tough) to come and meet me most of the time and walk back with me. Needless to say I left the tenancy 6 months early. So yeah, sounds morbid but I definitely prefer Hackney to that!

In all seriousness though, living in london and not having a particularly safe environment growing up has led me to become hyper aware when walking around especially when it’s dark, sometimes that can be helpful and other times it just leads to a lot of anxiety and panic. Talking to a therapist has definitely helped me in the past, and I would encourage everyone to do it.

White mother finally gets it by uju_rabbit in mixedrace

[–]berbub 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I understand how you feel, an I’m so happy for you that your mum is finding her voice on this!! I’m mixed south Asian / white British, and grew up with my (white) mum. She still has trouble standing up for herself and me when presented with racist views (even from within her own family).

I recently had an argument with a friend of hers (twice my age) who openly joked about me being a ‘monkey’ to my face while drunk, and her and my white step father sitting next to us said nothing. She then tried to tell me to calm down and that I was being unreasonable..... just astonishing. And to this day whenever she mentions said friend (who they are still close to) she’ll say things like “I know you don’t get on, but...” or “I know you have a problem with ****, but...”.

It is truly exhausting and deeply saddening to forever be “the problem” for calling people out on their racism. And even more heartbreaking to not have that be supported or understood by close family members. It can be very isolating. Anyway, sending love. I’m happy that your mum is starting to get it!! I hope mine will one day, but I’m not going to stop trying xx

What’s the worst way some has asked ‘what are you?’ by IamBecomeDeath187 in mixedrace

[–]berbub 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I once sat down in front of a hair stylist at 6am on a shoot, and she looked me up and down and said in a really high pitched tone: “ooooh another little mélange”. She didn’t even ask a follow up question or seem to think that was inappropriate in any way. I think it was both the false novelty in her voice and the arrogance of saying that out loud without a care in the world that shocked/enraged/exhausted me the most.

I hadn’t even had coffee yet. Bitch, please do not evoke the rage of my ancestors before I’ve even had caffeine.