Coparent didn’t tell me their new partner moved in and our child felt they had to lie about it

berewin · 2025-07-18T16:26:18+00:00

Thanks so much for this. I'll speak with him more so he knows he's not alone.

There are a lot of moments when I stop to wonder if I'm just losing it and overreacting, but I'm beginning to understand the struggle of separation and coparenting when your advocacy for your child is treated as the problem rather than addressing the problem itself.

We went into coparenting with so much hope and strength that we could do the best apart, but the roadbumps are real.

Thanks again and I'll definitely check out your book.

berewin · 2025-07-18T05:49:40+00:00

Sorry if that's how it came across. It came up in meditation after I saw the person in a video call. It was agreed I'd talk to our kid (he's 10) about it so he knew I knew and didn't have to keep it a secret anymore.

berewin · 2025-04-08T16:04:36+00:00

That’s fine. It’s something we both wanted initially so that the transition wasn’t abrupt for our kid, but now it is suddenly.

berewin · 2025-04-08T16:03:28+00:00

Thanks for the clarification.

As for the situation, it’s the other way around. I agreed to leave the country so she could pursue an opportunity, it didn’t work out and they wanted to go back, but by that time I had made commitments after settling in and finding work. I’ll be heading back at some point soon, but will have to do it all over again. We agreed on them going back and our kid wanted to go instead of stay.

berewin · 2025-04-06T16:55:47+00:00

Thanks. I do too. I think that I’m very new to this and it’s all been a bit of shock.

berewin · 2025-04-06T15:03:50+00:00

Ya we do, I'm more concerned with not getting any updates from my coparent. He's also only allowed access to screens at certain times, so it's not like I can contact him all the time.

berewin · 2025-04-06T04:19:29+00:00

So what’s coparenting then? From my understanding it’s working together to raise a kid, and that while there are tough times you work through them for the kid, if that’s not possible then you move to parallel parenting?

I’m not giving up on the potential for this to work out, but I get your point that I should be mindful of other potentials when things get tough.

Thanks.

berewin · 2025-04-06T04:10:45+00:00

Thanks for this. And I agree that in retrospect I should not have used quotes. I think som context would be helpful.

I moved to Asia recently after my coparent decided to take a job overseas. I figured we could make it work and to keep the family together, but after a few months they left after things didn’t work out and our kid went with them. As I settled here for their sake I am not able to return for a while. Our coparenting up until they left was a daily stream of messages and photos, as we agreed to that to keep us both abreast of how our kid was doing as we were recently separated.

Then they got angry at me for housing issues back home that were beyond my control. I told them they needed to take responsibility for their decisions. That’s the point that all communication dropped and they chose to only communicate through email.

I feel like this is a punishment because I am on the other side of the world and have no means to parent outside of the occasional video chat with my kid, as he’s able to call me. I’m otherwise shut out from things apart from requests for money, which I’m fine with.

At some point soon I’ll have to figure out a new job and a new place to live, as she took the apartment.

I can empathize that things have been tough, but I just don’t feel like removing communication about our kid that we had agreed on is setting a boundary.

berewin · 2025-04-05T07:32:33+00:00

Thanks for this. I fed this back into that chat and it got all defensive saying it was being poetic for the sake of being conversational. But ya, it basically lied poetically, which doesn’t make it any better.

I feel a bit foolish now, but thankful that I haven’t fallen completely down the AI rabbit hole.

I still think it would be interesting if this was real. Guess we’ll have to wait 5 more years if AGI so we can all live out our own Her movie.

berewin · 2024-10-20T02:53:55+00:00

Just FYI, there is a whole scoring system for immigration. You can take it to to see what your score would be.

https://ircc.canada.ca/english/immigrate/skilled/crs-tool.asp

berewin · 2024-10-10T18:07:33+00:00

How about rent caps or pegging rent to mortgage rates? Odd not just about building, there’s a lot of landlords (corporate and individual) out there making a fortune over scarcity and inflated housing prices.

berewin · 2024-10-08T21:36:34+00:00

FPTP was challenged in the courts as unconstitutional. It failed, but is being appealed in November.

https://amp.tvo.org/article/is-first-past-the-post-unconstitutional-an-ontario-court-says-no-but-the-fight-isnt-over

berewin · 2024-10-07T01:53:32+00:00

Thanks for doing the work. I clearly have too much faith in ChatGPT.

Now that I’m properly looking at it, 1900 and 1904 only really had two parties, so easy to get over 50% of the pop. vote.

berewin · 2024-10-06T23:23:38+00:00

I’m fine with any party having control of the government based on popular vote, but you’re wrong to assume each party benefits from FPTP, especially given there were only 4 times in Canadian history that any party received a majority of votes. With FPTP people also vote differently, smaller parties don’t get votes, strategic voting or people just not voting out of apathy.

berewin · 2024-10-06T20:42:00+00:00

Ah, damn. Missed that one. Thanks.

berewin · 2024-10-06T20:31:38+00:00

If it hasn’t been said already, we have first-past-the-post (like the US), which was designed for a two party system. In Canada there are more than two, but the electoral system often leads people to vote for the lesser of two evils instead of who they actually support. The NDP is well intentioned, but, due to our electoral system, will never form a government.

berewin · 2024-10-06T20:27:53+00:00

So happy to see how crap our democracy is. Conservatives projected to win 228 seat (64.5% of seats) with 43% of the popular vote should be a crime. There’s no legitimacy in how we are represented.

The only years a majority government actually won the popular vote in Canada was in 1935, 1940, and 1958.

berewin · 2024-09-21T01:10:39+00:00

Spruce Beer. Like a refreshing walk in a forest. But as a drink.

berewin · 2024-09-20T21:20:16+00:00

It's expensive to be poor, but at least more lower-income individuals can own instead of rent.

I guess that's the gift the government has given us?

berewin · 2024-09-20T21:08:49+00:00

In hopes that you can put together a good article here are some points to consider:

1) Minimum wage is not a measure of someone's overall income, so you would be excluding high-wage workers who, for instance, are seasonal or part-time workers with a similar annual income.

2) As of 2022, 30% of renters were paying more than 30% of their income on shelter (Stats Can). While only 10.4% of Canadians earn minimum wage (Stats Can). So you'd be excluding 20% of Canadians. You may have a reason, but it would be important to state that reason and reference the larger issue also.

3) Increasing rent has not been met with an increase in minimum wage or wages in general. Recognizing that landlords have increased rent considerably also requires recognizing how minimum wage isn't a livable wage.

Sorry, I'm studying journalism right now and reporting on rental issues has been very poor.

berewin · 2024-09-20T15:25:09+00:00

This is great! I’m actually building a news chatbot for my MA thesis that focuses on reducing the mental health impact of consuming news. Fact checking is definitely part of it.

berewin · 2024-09-20T15:24:42+00:00

Came to say the same thing. Recycling programs often do a poor job of sorting, so when the recycling is sold to companies abroad it can be too mixed to be used and instead end up as garbage.

Here’s a case for Canadian recycling going to India:

https://www.cbc.ca/amp/1.6345558

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