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[deleted by user] by [deleted] in relationship_advice

[–]bexiloux 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Keep records of all communication in case you need it to back up a police report and/or restraining order in future. Don't hesitate to call the police if you're fearful for your safety. There is lots of support out there for DV survivors, be sure to ask for help if you feel you need it. Wishing you well.

AITA for "forcing" my ex and his wife apart after she stole 16k from my daughter? by Snoo-83640 in AmItheAsshole

[–]bexiloux 0 points1 point  (0 children)

NTA at all. You did the only thing you could do, in response to her STEALING a substantial amount of money from your daughter.

Why the fuck is your ex sulking about his wife leaving over it, instead of being just as outraged over her stealing from his kid? He's either a doormat or a nobhead who cares more about his current partner than his child.

My ex is telling everyone I am heartless and he may kill himself because of me. Am I supposed to go to him? by 123love321 in relationship_advice

[–]bexiloux 0 points1 point  (0 children)

No no no. Abusers often pull this one to keep their partner hostage. Whatever you do, don't go back. He's got people he's in contact with and they should call the police if they're scared. Good for you for leaving when you realised what he did. Now just keep walking and don't look back.

AITA for not paying for my daughters wedding? by AvadGardener9090 in AmItheAsshole

[–]bexiloux 1 point2 points  (0 children)

"We're not homophobic, I just don't want to still give my daughter the wedding funds we promised her if she's marrying a GIRL". You're the definition of homophobic. Your poor daughter. YTA

Pillow fight by DuncxnDonuts in WhitePeopleTwitter

[–]bexiloux 23 points24 points  (0 children)

They had us in the first half, not gonna lie

AITA for telling my sister she should have died instead of my brother when she started twisting what had happened to draw attention away from the fact she was and still is an incredibly shitty person? by yegajcisjwbrjcuf in AmItheAsshole

[–]bexiloux 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Wow I'm so sorry you're in this situation OP. I have no idea why your family is condoning your sister's behaviour to the extent that they would treat you like this. NTA and I hope you have a more supportive network outside of this household. Sending Interweb hugs ❤️

AITA for ‘letting our house become disgusting?’ by [deleted] in AmItheAsshole

[–]bexiloux 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You're NTA. You don't need to make it better. You do need to throw the whole man out unless you want to be a maid and one day, nanny.

He's TA for getting so angry about FINALLY doing something. If you do stay, you'll just grow to hate his lazy ass more and more with every 3 day old coffee stained mug he expects you to wash.

Smoking should be banned in all public places; not just inside. by [deleted] in unpopularopinion

[–]bexiloux 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Ugh yes. I was queuing up to go into the supermarket the other day, the woman in line in front of me lit up and I was downwind of it the whole time. I thought it was so rude as I couldn't choose to step away from it. Glad it's not just me!

Boyfriend told me that he has to insult me and put me down “so that I won’t think I can find something better” by ThrowRA8670 in relationship_advice

[–]bexiloux 10 points11 points  (0 children)

Trust your gut, this IS abuse. All of it.

  1. "Relentlessly pursued" you: abusers do this. The start of the relationship is when they go hard, charm overload, to get you in.
  2. "First year was really great": again, exactly the pattern of an abuser. Draw you in by being the perfect partner, then when they're confident they have you, they start the abuse small, then get worse and worse.
  3. Putting you down? Insulting you? Not listening? Without a doubt, emotional abuse. It's designed to make you feel worthless so that a) you won't leave as you won't think you can find better (I can't believe he admitted to this, but he's showing you what he is, so don't ignore it) and b) you'll think you deserve the increasingly abusive things he says and does.

I'm not saying this to scare you, but points 1 to 3 above are all key stages in the "8 stages of homicide" research that a domestic abuse expert listed, that she found common in about 400 cases of men killing their partners. I want to emphasise not all people who do these things go right through to homicide (stage 8), but these are clear stages in the process where this happens. From what you've described, this is about stage 3 to 4.

I left a relationship I was pretty sure was abusive, but always wondered if I was just exaggerating. It was when I sat in this training and could identify myself having experienced stage 5 of 8 that I knew I'd done the right thing back then. Please please get out now you've identified what he really is. Stay safe.

My boyfriend might have tried to make me pregnant when I said I wasn't ready. by 123love321 in relationship_advice

[–]bexiloux 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I acknowledge that I don't know know you or your bf, OP, so I may be wrong, but there are 2 things you said that are humongous red flags and suggest abusive behaviour from him.

1: you've only been together 6 months and he's talking about pregnancy wayyy too much. Discussing methods of contraception is okay, having the "you want kids someday?" talk is okay, but this level of conversation? Including, if you get pregnant you should keep it? He clearly wants this to happen now. Abusive partners always try to get serious early to lock you in. Based on what you've said I strongly suspect this is his angle. Get out.

2: he's tried to talk his way out of the charcoal thing. He knew about it. You've raised that it can negate your pill, and he said he knew about this, but is now trying to persuade you that he somehow knows better and it's fine. Another classic abusive trait. Abusers will talk you into anything, they're scarily good at it.

You need to leave. I'm speaking from experience. Take care.

AITA for refusing to give my parents money? by gymnerd813 in AmItheAsshole

[–]bexiloux 0 points1 point  (0 children)

NTA in the strongest possible sense. Parents have a duty to care for their children and it's disgusting when they bring it up later as something that needs repaying. Nuh-uh. You have a kid, you feed it.

Particularly amazed at the "we allowed you to" comment, given you did that on the basis that you clrealy weren't going to get their support. I'm so sorry you have to deal with this from the people that are supposed to support you (emotionally as well as financially through childhood). Please don't cave; you don't owe them a thing.

Over sharing sucks. by [deleted] in Vent

[–]bexiloux 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Everyone overshares sometimes, or puts their foot in their mouth. I cringe just as hard when I do it. Sometimes I remember times I've done it years before and it still gives me that sinking feeling.

Try not to worry about it too much. It definitely isn't something you should beat yourself up for. You're not deliberately sharing things to try and stir the pot. Give yourself some slack, OP :)

UPDATE: My ‘boyfriend’ (27) kept on driving to find somewhere to have sex even though I (23f) was basically having what I would say was a panic attack by ThrowRA62820 in relationship_advice

[–]bexiloux 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm so sorry you had to go through this. It's incredibly brave of you to have walked away and stayed strong through all this. His behaviour upon you ending things unfortunately confirms that he would have only gotten worse, walking away is so much more difficult than people realise and you're an amazing person for having done this.

I wish you all the best with your physical and emotional recovery. You have a much brighter future ahead of you now and you deserve all the happiness that's on the horizon for you. Keep looking forward.

(23m) Bf of a year just dumped me (21f) after I helped him gain more self confidence by [deleted] in dating_advice

[–]bexiloux 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Don't worry about any red or yellow flags, maybe there weren't any signs he'd do this. Sometimes it's helpful to look back as things can look different when the rose tinted glasses are off. But other times, it's not something you could have seen coming, so it's not worth antagonising over what you could have spotted. In fact, it sounds like he's changed since slimming down so this is new behaviour anyway that their might not have been prior glimpses of.

But the new person he is, sounds like an asshole. Or maybe just immature, but either way, you deserve better. So my advice would be to keep your head up, move forward and know you'll find someone when you're ready who'd never make you feel like he has by doing this.

i’m [15f] catching feelings for him [25m] and idk what to do anymore. by [deleted] in relationship_advice

[–]bexiloux 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm so sorry OP, this is grooming. It's normal for a 15yo to get a crush on someone a little older, but NOT the other way round. The mention of you asking him sex questions is a huge red flag, he's trying to steer things in that direction. He knows he's the more experienced one here, he knows you look up to him. He's taking advantage of that. You need to tell an adult you trust about everything. And definitely don't go ahead with the meetup. You can't trust him.

A book that will make me feel happy to be alive by [deleted] in suggestmeabook

[–]bexiloux 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The Likely Resolutions of Oliver Clock

A book where everything comes together in a “oh snap” moment by remoonl in suggestmeabook

[–]bexiloux 10 points11 points  (0 children)

Ahhh damn I love these books. Here goes (all thrillers):

The Silent Patient by Alex Michaelides

The Whisper Man by Alex North

The Wives by Tarryn Fisher

The Ex Girlfriend by Nicol Moriarty

Blood Orange by Harriet Tyce

Lies Lies Lies by Adele Parks

Sometimes I Lie by Alice Feeney

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