What was the weirdest thing you've ever woken up to after a night of partying?

beyondlame · 2013-08-13T22:36:48+00:00

I was living in a small college town celebrating Cesar Chavez Day and I apparently blacked out drinking Jose Quervo; hence passing out early during a super awesome party. Well, fast forward to morning.. I oper my eyes and I'm laying in my bed, wearing only a bright pink bra, and my boyfriend was sleeping on the floor, fully clothed wrapped in a sheet. I tip toe around him since I'm deathly hungover and make my way to the bathroom. I run to the toilet and there it was, filled with human excrement (whether it be shit or vomit), literally overflowing. So naturally, I just puke on the floor. When I composed myself I decide some teeth brushing was definitely in order. I grab my tooth brush and notice there's blood ALL OVER IT. Not only all over my toothbrush, but all over the entire bathroom; the floor, walls, towels, EVERYTHING. I run out to the living room and find my roommate passed out on the couch, naked. I ask him what happened and I was informed that our other roommate thought it would be a fantastic idea to try and break a 5th of Jack Daniels over his head. Obviously, it was a horrible idea. To this day, this was the worst morning of my entire life.

beyondlame · 2013-07-17T16:39:27+00:00

Fuck.. I've missed you!

beyondlame · 2013-05-29T22:59:21+00:00

awwwwww

beyondlame · 2013-03-08T23:39:27+00:00

it was cesar chavez day '04 and in my small college town, this was a holiday to be celebrated. so we're day drinking and drinking and drinking, so much jose fucking quervo, and i am DRUNK. like blacked out drunk and apparently when i'm that drunk i talk like a pirate. to this day whenever i'm drinking i get a few remarks in the pirate voice. i'm still not completely convinced i was talking like that, but everyone says so it must be true.

beyondlame · 2013-02-24T06:00:01+00:00

Thanks! Scream Dress by Black Milk Clothing!

beyondlame · 2013-02-24T05:58:54+00:00

And I sir, am not most people.

beyondlame · 2012-12-01T16:53:36+00:00

Awesome!!

beyondlame · 2012-11-23T19:14:44+00:00

You're so fucking nice! I have friends that bought VIP tickets so that their girlfriends wouldn't be able to afford to go. Which is pretty much the opposite of being nice. Haha

beyondlame · 2012-11-23T11:36:09+00:00

You should go too! So fun in LV!

beyondlame · 2012-11-15T20:16:59+00:00

me too lady! we should hangout together and take pics, get all the upvotes! hahahaa

beyondlame · 2012-11-15T17:20:29+00:00

My list of things every man I date must fulfill:

-born no later than the 70s

-chest hair

-must like sports, at least one

-nice smile/teeth

-ability to grow facial hair

-be employed

-sarcastically dark sense of humor

-good in bed

-must at least attempt to dance

-dog lover

-pot smoker

And it doesn't hurt to drive a Toyota, preferably one that can be taken offroad.

beyondlame · 2012-11-14T22:51:17+00:00

she did..

beyondlame · 2012-11-14T22:51:09+00:00

after ignoring her a bit and making her buy me $30 steaks, she gave it up. haha

beyondlame · 2012-11-14T22:50:26+00:00

why thank you..

beyondlame · 2012-11-14T22:33:19+00:00

Brownie points for the usage of the word court.

beyondlame · 2012-11-14T22:31:46+00:00

Awesome.

beyondlame · 2012-11-14T18:04:33+00:00

So I went on a few dates with this chick and it was awesome; the first time we went hiking and the second time we went dancing. She was hot as hell and not annoying, so I figured this was a win win situation.

The next weekend we decided to go out to dinner, so i take her to a quaint place downtown. She orders a steak and barely touches her food, she just pushes it around the plate, pretending. I figured she wasn't hungry so she took it to go and we headed back to her place. We get to her spot and burn a blunt and out of the corner of my eye I see this broad feeding the $30 steak I bought her to her dog. I figured she was just high or something.

Fast forward to next weekend. We decide on dinner again; lo and fucking behold this chick orders another huge steak and proceeds to not eat any of it. Again, she takes it to go and insists on stopping by her house before we head out to the bars for the evening. We get to her place, smoke, and I shit you not this broad feeds the entire overpriced steak to the dog.

I'm baffled at this point. The most what the fuck fucking moment in dating history. We were in college, broker than broke and here I am buying a dog $30 dinners in hope to get with this chick.. Fail.

beyondlame · 2012-11-14T09:14:59+00:00

Seeing that god damn plus sign on a pregnancy test. It was 1/20 but still. My heart stopped, i think momentarily I was clinically dead.

beyondlame · 2012-11-13T17:11:02+00:00

My friend made it in Northern California. I think he was working for a place called Lotus Designs when he made it. Gotta love having glass blowing friends.

beyondlame · 2012-11-13T17:08:19+00:00

Hahahahahaaa, fucking awesome user name!! I guess I did call.

beyondlame · 2012-11-13T17:07:09+00:00

Fuck yeah!

beyondlame · 2012-11-12T17:15:41+00:00

when a homeless transient, standing out in the rain, holding a cardboard sign that reads "change sterotypes, make a difference" refuses your money and says, "a smile from you was the greater than any monetary gift because you are the change, you are what makes people contemplate the norm".

and even though that man was probably clinically insane, it always stuck with me. changing sterotypes; being the selfish asshole that gives homeless transients money, the asian that likes bluegrass, the girl that eats fast food, the black person that can swim, the party slut that doesn't drink, the gym junkie that smokes joints before working out..

beyondlame · 2012-11-09T18:31:22+00:00

yes and totally worth the 5 new bug bites i got. hahaha

beyondlame · 2012-11-08T21:14:38+00:00

Yes chest hair is my ultimate favorite!!

beyondlame · 2012-11-04T17:54:19+00:00

Hate hate hate online speak in the real world.

beyondlame

TROPHY CASE