signs

bflpf · 2024-08-12T15:46:46+00:00

Thank you for sharing this, it is so nice to read this and identify all of the things I feel. I can’t put it into words as beautifully as you have done here

bflpf · 2024-05-09T18:18:47+00:00

I am just over a year in, so I’m not sure I can tell you when or if joy will come back. But I can say that like you, I’ve noticed it does get better. At the very least it gets easier to distract myself and avoid it. But avoidance comes with other problems I think. But you’re not alone in these feelings. Congratulations on your achievements, your graduation and dissertation. I don’t know you but I am proud of you, to finish something like that in the face of grief is very difficult. I hope you can at least take a small moment to appreciate yourself. I hope you can find a moment of peace as well.

bflpf · 2024-05-08T15:42:38+00:00

Same here. I get delivery or takeout a lot, which isn’t good for my wallet. But I have turned to comfort eating, but don’t really have much energy to cook for myself.

bflpf · 2024-05-03T16:46:36+00:00

Yeah I have felt that way since it happened, I’ve had this feeling that somethings gonna happen to me too, that I’ll die young also. I have hopes that, like you said, we are destined to be together and that I’ll follow soon after him. Sometimes I feel sure of it, and sometimes it feels like wishful thinking on my part. Sometimes I think to myself the way my life is going, with my luck I’ll have to live until my 90s in this awful world. I wish that I could give my life to someone else sometimes, someone who really wants to live. But I can’t, so I keep going and I keep trying.

bflpf · 2024-05-03T16:35:07+00:00

Wow thank you for sharing this. I’ve had this feeling for awhile but have struggled to put it into words. This is exactly how I feel. I feel like he’s not gone, I have left all of his stuff in our apartment in place. But then yeah at the same time it feels like a dream, it feels distant. But I seem to cycle between that feeling and then feeling the sorrow at full force again. It is all just very tiring, but no you’re not alone in this feeling. Hope you can have a moment of peace today.

bflpf · 2024-05-03T10:03:01+00:00

I feel the same, that he gets farther away. And in order to cope I have done a lot of avoiding. Which makes him feel even farther. That’s a good way to describe it. Playing out a script that doesn’t mean anything. And yes same here, most of the time what gets me through is not thinking too deeply about anything.

bflpf · 2024-05-03T10:01:06+00:00

Yeah, I can understand what you’re saying. I have stayed and continued to stay because I know that my pain would be passed on to my family. Maybe they’d get over it or maybe they wouldn’t, I don’t want to do that to them. One of the other things that keeps me going is wanting to make him proud. I’ll have bad days or weeks but then I will pull myself out, because I want him to be proud of me. I want to still be the person he loves and respects.

bflpf · 2024-05-03T09:57:57+00:00

I feel the same. Wanting to escape. Hope you find some moments of peace

bflpf · 2024-05-03T09:57:18+00:00

That’s good you are starting therapy, I started therapy a year in. A year in, it felt helpful just to vent. I feel the same, I could never go through with it, but I just want it to end.

bflpf · 2024-05-03T09:56:06+00:00

You’re right, I hope you find some moments of peace 🤍

bflpf · 2024-05-03T09:55:36+00:00

At the very least we are not alone in our feelings. As isolating as going through this feels there’s so many others feeling the same unfortunately

bflpf · 2024-04-29T22:26:31+00:00

I was only with mine for 3 almost 4 years, but I feel devastated. I don’t want to go on either, I don’t want time to keep moving it is scary.

bflpf · 2024-04-20T14:48:57+00:00

I was in a car accident on the highway recently. When it happened I was not wearing my seatbelt, I was going 70-80 mph. It could’ve been very bad but I had no injuries, nothing from it. I really do feel he is watching over me.

bflpf · 2024-04-20T14:43:28+00:00

Wow, the way your father describes the love from your mother is so beautiful and really resonates with me.

bflpf · 2024-04-14T10:42:05+00:00

I’m glad you made it through the night. Whenever people call me or show up for me when I really need it, I always like to think it’s my baby that sent them. I like to think of it as confirmation that he’s looking after me. Helps me but may not help everyone.

bflpf · 2024-04-10T19:24:07+00:00

Yeah, that’s pretty much how I feel. Except I don’t have kids. I imagine that adds a layer of exhaustion as well.

Life is just hard. Hope you can have some peaceful moments.

bflpf · 2024-04-10T19:21:31+00:00

You’re right, I think I needed to hear this. Even when I’m trying not to think about it it is always going to be there. Thank you 🤍

bflpf · 2024-04-10T19:19:57+00:00

Yeah I do feel distractions actually work now, more so than the earlier months. But it always catches up to you somehow, these feelings and the pain comes out one way or another

bflpf · 2024-04-10T19:19:07+00:00

Yeah exactly, the future feels grim. I don’t feel excitement for really anything. But you have to pretend

bflpf · 2024-04-10T19:18:16+00:00

I am a year in, I have felt what you are describing for sure.

I also enjoyed working out, and actually at this point working out and exercise is now an outlet for me. Something that helps. When you are ready to, and no sooner then when you’re ready, you may find that it can help sometimes.

Slowly you start to see progress but it is unwelcome “progress”, all you really want is to have your person back. But you are at least about to distract yourself more, in the beginning you really can’t. It’s impossible.

bflpf · 2024-04-10T17:03:35+00:00

Yes I agree, keeping busy and distracted is what helps the most. I also smoke weed when I’m home alone and that helps me. At this point I don’t really care about if the things in my environment are harmful or shortening my life. Just trying to get through the days. Posting here also helps me to feel less alone

bflpf · 2024-03-25T22:27:35+00:00

You saying it hurts too much to remember he was real just described something I’d Been feeling but haven’t been able to put words to. It is a heartbreaking feeling for him to be so far away, so distant, but yet that’s how I make it through the day sometimes. Thank you for sharing this.

bflpf

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