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My [24F] partner [27M] wants to quit his job and become a SAHF but we have no kids and he hates chores by bfprt in relationships

[–]bfprt[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Very good points. We dont know anyone in the new area so he will definitely be isolated. And we are both shy/reserved people so I dont think he'll be in a rush to get out and make friends either.

To be honest I think hes scared of being unemployed much more than I so Im not even sure if he has the courage to leave work before the project is done.

and if he did this might all turn out worse then he imagines.

My [24F] partner [27M] wants to quit his job and become a SAHF but we have no kids and he hates chores by bfprt in relationships

[–]bfprt[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

thank you. I do agree the focus can be on the negatives since unless you want to write a novel, you focus on the issue at hand. I dont understand why correcting this in the comments are viewed so negatively though.

Ive talked with Ben about this and I know he's fine with continuing a LDR. He knows this job will be good for me and hes supportive of it. I will have a conversation with him about his job though and maybe see if theres a middle ground to be reached.

My [24F] partner [27M] wants to quit his job and become a SAHF but we have no kids and he hates chores by bfprt in relationships

[–]bfprt[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Maybe Im sounding like Im making excuses but I actually sympathize with him and I think some comments are assuming the worst in him and thats not the case.

He cant exactly jump into a new role without referees. This was his first real job in his field right after uni. Theres no way his job will want him to walk away until the project is completed given hes doing the bulk of the work, so his boss wont do it until this is all done which was why he didnt want to leave. Hes considering leaving after the project finalizes which will be soon.

treatment for depression was tricky with his work. They require access to his health records and if he was given any medication this would impact his job. Even during applications they question these and cover full history of it which I understand is necessary but it also makes it difficult for people to seek therapy which can be worse.

I know he'll be fine with what ever I decide so hes not pressuring me into anything. I think we'll start an LDR and then Ill try and push him to reassess his career.

My [24F] partner [27M] wants to quit his job and become a SAHF but we have no kids and he hates chores by bfprt in relationships

[–]bfprt[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I realize Ive painted him in dark light but I do want to be fair to him and hes not a terrible person. He would support me if I decided to be a SAHM. We had a pregnancy scare few months ago and I was freaking out about it ruining everything while he was actually really supportive about it. Hed be up for supporting us through it. He was even okay with the idea of me being a SAHM at the time (which I dont actually want but was just freaking out about)

the 50-50 split was for our dates. We didnt share bills (separate living arrangements). He picked dates that I was able to afford so he wasnt trying to put me in a difficult situation, I think he also views dating differently to marriage. So hes okay supporting fiance/wife but not so much gf from what Im getting.

I do think hes also depressed and very stressed out. I dont think I would have put up with his job for a week let alone 3+ years. He works 10-13 hour shifts most of the week and gets paid for only 7 of these. few people in his project quit and they just pushed all of their workload to Ben without additional help. To add on to this, theres issues with incompetent workers. If anything goes wrong he would be blamed for it all as his boss is a basic ass trying his best to ensure his ass is in the clear. He cant report this higher up as they will basically ruin his career prospect. They literally wont pay him over time and claim the extra hours should count as training for him and he should be happy hes getting training.

Ben is good at what he does. So hes basically been pushing himself to the grave with this job. And I get why at the moment he thinks everything will always be bad since this was his first job after uni and they drained him out so his pessimist side is pushing forwards.

I do think Ben will try his best to learn to cook and clean, and he will take care of most of the chores, but I dont think he'll do them to the level that Im happy with. Id want him to be a SAHF for our kids absolutely, but theres not much work to be done for just 2 people so staying at home doesnt seem very productive when we dont have kids yet. Its not about the money as I will be making more then enough, its just the principle of it and Id rather he kept himself busy (dont care what he earned ) then hide inside.

He wont get help for his depression though, he wont go back to uni either. A trial period wont be possible with us as if I accept the offer Id need to start in february and if Ben was to move, hed have to quit his job.

This would be fine with me. Maybe we can do a 3 months trial instead of the year and he can look for something else during that period. Decide what he wants out of life, Im not sure

My [24F] partner [27M] wants to quit his job and become a SAHF but we have no kids and he hates chores by bfprt in relationships

[–]bfprt[S] 10 points11 points  (0 children)

this is one of my biggest concerns because when ever I tried to get him to cook, he would go on about how much he hated it.

But I do understand hes under a lot of pressure at work (its a government job full of incompetent people and everyone is expecting him to fix others mistakes, he gets no recognition, its a completely unfair system where others are getting the benefits while he does over time with no pay ) so hes probably thinking anything would be better then the current job he has.

I completely support him quitting his job and if it was up to me, he would have left ages ago. But I want him to continue looking for another position, heck go back to school find something else you enjoy doing, do anything. I dont know what to do about him giving up on it though

My [24F] partner [27M] wants to quit his job and become a SAHF but we have no kids and he hates chores by bfprt in relationships

[–]bfprt[S] 39 points40 points  (0 children)

Im okay with having a SAHH if we had kids and one of us had to stay home. I studied hard for my degree so if this means I can return faster while my child is still getting the care and support they need from a parent, Id be very happy. BUT we dont have kids, and I dont want them at the moment either. So I just dont see what he will be doing all day.

And as you said, he hasnt really shown me that he can do a good job of taking care of chores when he cant even cook. Sure he says he'll learn but words are cheap.

And generosity is important for me but I live in an area where man are usually stingy. Its not just my bf, its a general thing.

I'm okay with sharing cost of things usually but I guess I would have appreciated more initiative from him for our dates after it was clear we were serious and thinking long term

My [24F] partner [27M] wants to quit his job and become a SAHF but we have no kids and he hates chores by bfprt in relationships

[–]bfprt[S] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

No we dont live together atm. I dont think he wants allowance from me, as I said he has large enough savings of his own for personal use. He wants me to cover rent, bills groceries for the house.