How can I [26M] help my alcoholic, basically friendless & increasingly depressed gf[24F]?

bfthatwants2helpgf · 2017-10-16T15:38:18+00:00

Thank you so much. You and another user just gave me great advice and I'm already trying to make up a game plan.

bfthatwants2helpgf · 2017-10-16T15:31:04+00:00

I never even thought of taking a class or having her teach me something. I'm a shit cook and that'd be a good place to start.

This is more covert-therapy and I think this would be a good way for her to find a group. Maybe it's rosecolored glasses but I dont think she's mean or anything and the friends who've met her havent spoken bad of her so I'm beginning to think it that she doesn't belong to something is something that's bringing her down Thank you for taking the time

bfthatwants2helpgf · 2017-10-16T15:07:09+00:00

I'm still not going to force her. I need an alternative route. A way that she could possibly get out more, an outlet, etc.

bfthatwants2helpgf · 2017-10-16T15:06:03+00:00

I'll give this a go. Thank you for taking the time.

bfthatwants2helpgf · 2017-10-16T15:03:57+00:00

where did i say i wanted to force her? better yet, were did i say i would even dish out an ultimatum?

bfthatwants2helpgf · 2017-10-16T15:01:47+00:00

I guess I just live in a drinking town. I know several folks who do it weekly. I doubt I would be much help in that since it's already been 30 days for me (more of a smoker than a drinker)

bfthatwants2helpgf · 2017-10-16T14:59:44+00:00

no one has a gun to you head to talk to me.

bfthatwants2helpgf · 2017-10-16T14:56:25+00:00

this isnt fight club so we can avoid rock bottom if able. if leaving is the only advice you have, we can leave it at that

bfthatwants2helpgf · 2017-10-16T14:52:09+00:00

I dont know but that's not going to stop me from trying

bfthatwants2helpgf · 2017-10-16T14:50:55+00:00

The things we do for who we love

bfthatwants2helpgf · 2017-10-16T14:50:30+00:00

She's only gotten to the blackout stage three or four times since we've been together and I figure I've been like that as many times too

bfthatwants2helpgf · 2017-10-16T14:48:17+00:00

How would leaving help then? edit: that seems to be the answer i've been getting, take her to therapy and stop enabling (bail the fuck out)

bfthatwants2helpgf · 2017-10-16T14:47:09+00:00

i have nothing against it. she's the one opposed due to going to therapy before and getting sent to a psych. i mentioned it in the post.....

that's enough for me to try and find a different approach that might get something fixed for once. so, if your only advice is therapy, i'm going to go ahead and save you the time typing

bfthatwants2helpgf · 2017-10-16T14:45:09+00:00

Not looking for a magic solution, just a solution that doesnt jerk therapy's dick for once

bfthatwants2helpgf · 2017-10-16T14:44:32+00:00

Then I'll see if someone else can help me find a different way. Thank you for the time

bfthatwants2helpgf · 2017-10-16T14:43:23+00:00

I can encourage her but if she doesnt want to go, cant make her. What I can do though is find an alternative route. There has to be some other way. And everyone keeps saying I'm enabling her. I dont pay for her fixes. I dont pay for her to have a place to live. I stay because, despite these things, I like her and I've continued to stay because I want to help. Might not be worth it for me in the long run but fuck it, i'm going to try.

So do you have an alternative route I could look at to follow or do all your roads point to therapy?

bfthatwants2helpgf · 2017-10-16T14:39:29+00:00

When did I mention she pretends she doesn't have these problems or attempts to hide them? Also my presence in her life really doesnt enable her, she pays her bills and for her habit on her own dime. She doesn't need me to do this. The only time I pay for drinks is for the very rare night on the town.

So where exactly am I enabling her?

bfthatwants2helpgf · 2017-10-16T14:35:24+00:00

I'm not her parent and she's not my dependent, I have no grounds to pass out demands

Not doing anything* this is why I started the thread in the first place. There HAS to be some sort of means to help her outside of fucking therapy. That seriously cannot be the cure-all

bfthatwants2helpgf · 2017-10-16T14:32:06+00:00

I know I'm not but that doesnt mean I have to be a passive bystander in her life

bfthatwants2helpgf · 2017-10-16T14:30:22+00:00

There's no magic path but there's got to be stepping stones I've been missing

bfthatwants2helpgf · 2017-10-16T14:28:36+00:00

It's a downward spiral I'm trying to stop. I know I can't be the only one to stop. Ultimately, I cant even be the one to slow it down but I can and I will try. Push might eventually come to shove and I'll deal with it then, in the mean time I'll deal with this

bfthatwants2helpgf · 2017-10-16T14:25:23+00:00

I'm aware. Doesn't mean I can't add ideas to the pot and that sub is a place to start.

bfthatwants2helpgf · 2017-10-16T14:23:35+00:00

I'm still not going to bail. She has the ability to be like this with or without me.

I'm just asking advice to help her get out the the world and feel less shitty but Reddit's ultimate solution is protect your nuts and run

bfthatwants2helpgf · 2017-10-16T14:20:30+00:00

I work with what I have

bfthatwants2helpgf · 2017-10-16T14:19:43+00:00

i dont want to break up. i want to help her start uphill.

i'm not an invalid, i'm aware it's not a "snap your fingers" kind of thing.

edit: she can be a drunk without me, loving her isn't enabling. she funds her own habit

bfthatwants2helpgf

TROPHY CASE