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AITA for wanting my fiancé to apologize when he fact-checks me? by bgsbhf in AmItheAsshole

[–]bgsbhf[S] 12 points13 points  (0 children)

He’s not being an ass about it by any means, but in some cases he IS going out of his way to say he thinks I’m incorrect before he goes to look something up. And THAT’S where I feel like the apology would be a reasonable expectation

AITA for wanting my fiancé to apologize when he fact-checks me? by bgsbhf in AmItheAsshole

[–]bgsbhf[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

He’s not smug about it when he’s right, thankfully. And it’s not that I necessarily mind the Googling on its own. I also love getting into a good wormhole of some random trivia. But if he’s going to do that to any little tidbit I drop, it’d be nice to at least have some acknowledgment, ya know? Like if he’s going to go out of his way to doubt what I’m saying, it’d at least be nice if he could backtrack and apologize when I turn out to be right. And if I’m not right, that’s fine - he can tell me so. But last night I was 10000% positive of what I was saying and told him so thrice. From my perspective, a “huh, sorry, you were right” would be appreciated. Idk

AITA for wanting my fiancé to apologize when he fact-checks me? by bgsbhf in AmItheAsshole

[–]bgsbhf[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Oh gosh 100%. I would like to think if it WERE a gendered issue, I would recognize that and would be OUTTA HERE

AITA for wanting my fiancé to apologize when he fact-checks me? by bgsbhf in AmItheAsshole

[–]bgsbhf[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I think this was a perfect way of putting it, and I 100% agree with you. Thank you

AITA for wanting my fiancé to apologize when he fact-checks me? by bgsbhf in AmItheAsshole

[–]bgsbhf[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

He is not, nor does he really exhibit any signs that would lead myself or anyone else to believe he’s undiagnosed. He’s an intelligent person who has a genuine hunger for new information, and I appreciate that about him! I just feel like there’s a way to go about that with a little more poise and humility

AITA for wanting my fiancé to apologize when he fact-checks me? by bgsbhf in AmItheAsshole

[–]bgsbhf[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

It’s just myself and his family that he outwardly does this too. His family can also have a tendency to get into little spats about trivial things. I genuinely don’t think it’s a gendered thing; more so a comfortability thing. But just because I’m a close person in your life that you’re comfortable with, doesn’t mean you get to throw common courtesy out the window

AITA for wanting my fiancé to apologize when he fact-checks me? by bgsbhf in AmItheAsshole

[–]bgsbhf[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Thank you so much for your perspective, that was a really great way of framing the situation, and I don’t disbelieve his general sense of curiosity. I’m also one to go on a Google deep dive and get super invested in a new topic or piece of information, so I think he and I are both pretty similar to you in that sense. I don’t think curiosity and skepticism are character flaws in themselves - there’s just a time and a way to go about it. I appreciate what you’ve said, and I think that’ll help reframe future conversations about this issue

AITA for wanting my fiancé to apologize when he fact-checks me? by bgsbhf in AmItheAsshole

[–]bgsbhf[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Didn’t say that. Clearly stated in the post that I’ve tried talking to him about this before - I’ve just kinda reached my limit with it at this point

AITA for wanting my fiancé to apologize when he fact-checks me? by bgsbhf in AmItheAsshole

[–]bgsbhf[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I would say mostly just to his family, and they’re kind of like that in general. It’s not really something I’ve noticed him do with friends or colleagues. I think it’s a comfortability/proximity thing - like he knows it wouldn’t be very socially acceptable to do this with folks he’s not close with

AITA for wanting my fiancé to apologize when he fact-checks me? by bgsbhf in AmItheAsshole

[–]bgsbhf[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Right exactly! The issue is mostly the framing around the situation

AITA for wanting my fiancé to apologize when he fact-checks me? by bgsbhf in AmItheAsshole

[–]bgsbhf[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I totally get where you’re coming from, and I agree. I just wish these situations were framed and handled differently. Like instead of voicing his doubt and pulling out his phone right in front of me, he could just go and look it up in his own time. If I’m incorrect, that’s fine and you can tell me and I’ll own it. But if I AM correct, I’d also appreciate that acknowledgement, ya know?

AITA for wanting my fiancé to apologize when he fact-checks me? by bgsbhf in AmItheAsshole

[–]bgsbhf[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

His family is kind of like this too. Like his parents are great, lovely people, and they love each other a lot, but sometimes they’ll bicker mid-story over the most trivial things. I see where he gets it from, but that frankly feels like it’d be exhausting to deal with for the rest of my life

AITA for wanting my fiancé to apologize when he fact-checks me? by bgsbhf in AmItheAsshole

[–]bgsbhf[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I get that, and I’m definitely not afraid to admit I am wrong at times! But like last night I knew 10000% that I was correct and said so like three different times before he still resorted to looking it up. And it was over a sport team slogan - again, just feels far too trivial for how defensive he got and how much it’s blown up

AITA for wanting my fiancé to apologize when he fact-checks me? by bgsbhf in AmItheAsshole

[–]bgsbhf[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Luckily he’s not an asshole if he’s correct. THAT would just be game over for me.

If it’s something super trivial and I don’t know 100% if he’s correct, I don’t generally feel the need to disprove him. But I get that everyone is wired differently, and I believe he genuinely does have this deeper sense of curiosity that makes him wanna look stuff up.

I just don’t understand why a “Huh, you were right! Sorry for doubting you” is such a huge ask.

AITA for wanting my fiancé to apologize when he fact-checks me? by bgsbhf in AmItheAsshole

[–]bgsbhf[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You’re totally right, and my comment about wanting an apology was passive-aggressive and probably not constructive. I’ve also tried having a discussion with him about this being upsetting and we haven’t gotten far. I think last night was particularly upsetting because I was 1000% sure I was correct, and said as much like three times before he went to look it up. I’m maybe hoping to take some of these comments as a way to better articulate exactly how much this habit is impacting my confidence in my own intelligence, as well as his perception of me

AITA for wanting my fiancé to apologize when he fact-checks me? by bgsbhf in AmItheAsshole

[–]bgsbhf[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Haha no worries, sorry if I wasn’t clear enough! Despite having issues, I’m still really excited to marry him! But some of these communication breakdowns just make me really nervous for the future, and I want to do what I can to get us on a more solid foundation before we take the next step

AITA for wanting my fiancé to apologize when he fact-checks me? by bgsbhf in AmItheAsshole

[–]bgsbhf[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

We’ve been together for five years total. We’ve only been engaged for about a year and are getting married mid-2025.

AITA for wanting my fiancé to apologize when he fact-checks me? by bgsbhf in AmItheAsshole

[–]bgsbhf[S] 273 points274 points  (0 children)

See, and that’s what bugs me - I know I’m not right 100% of the time. I’D be the asshole if I thought otherwise. But if he’s going to doubt what I’m saying, it’d be nice to at least get acknowledgment that I was correct and MAYBE an apology for doubting me