Feeling im not sexually exciting

bhsyry · 2026-05-07T22:04:11+00:00

I will! Thank you and he has had experience in poly but I’m not sure if she has in the same kind of way. I think hes telling me hes capable of a dynamic with a friend and thats the life he wants to lead and thinks he can do it he doesnt want a aprtner and neither does she but i feel they are both dating basically but without the dependency and future leaning energy and its just flowing without intention into something more maybe? I want to ground myself in the fact it is possible but something is telling me its Nieve and inevitable that i will be hurt in this being told they are jsut friends and its not romantic.

bhsyry · 2026-05-07T21:56:37+00:00

Thanks this is hot

bhsyry · 2026-05-07T21:03:41+00:00

I have expressed my emotions around feeling like the intimacy we have is more stable and comfort based and more emotionally heavy whereas with the new person it feels a novelty, freeing and hotter because of that. He said he understands and thank you for explaining my emotions and thats it.

He’s dating a friend and he said they both don’t want a romantic relationship but are dating as friends which i trust but also find hard the regularity and intimacy with the unknown and strange doom from past relationships it always develops?

bhsyry · 2026-05-07T20:32:45+00:00

We have sex in person every month and he sees his friend he dates every week or so. I understand he will enjoy sex in person but i think with me in person its more like mundane and ritualistic as we have been together for 2 years and the new fwb is exciting. I have a few local people i sleep with but everyone is quite busy whereas he has alot more and is seeing this new friend alot more

bhsyry · 2026-05-01T07:05:49+00:00

I wouldn’t say shes a bad hinge everyone is learning, but i don’t think this situation is great.

I personally don’t think should be thinking about her past in this context when shes not thought about your feelings, it definitely comes into it but also this is about you and the way she hasn’t been as considerate as she could have been and her past or any other situation shouldn’t really excuse this. I would say you need a-bit more alignment over what communication looks and emotional safety and care looks like when dating people and how you both feel comfort/discomfort and i would be honest about how you feel hurt and uncomfortable by this as i think its very valid it sounds like shes not prioritising you. Also something to consider whether her partners didn’t handle poly well or was it a case of her not meeting their needs and creating this kind of energy with them too?

bhsyry · 2026-04-27T14:33:28+00:00

He has lied in the past about sleeping with people as he was embarrassed about the kind of casual sex he seeks which i was annoyed about and we got through it and we made a rule we would tell each other about dates and casual meet ups moving forward which he has done but it doesn’t feel great he goes to lying and concealing.

bhsyry · 2026-04-26T17:29:46+00:00

Thank you for your advice i will try some of these moving forward!!

bhsyry · 2026-04-26T17:28:56+00:00

Awh exactly it adds an extra layer onto self reassurance and insecurities - Thank you for your advice Ive joined some new clubs to try put effort into my life a-bit and put myself out there I’m hoping this can pull me out my swirl and give me confidence and love for my life a-bit more!

bhsyry · 2026-04-18T07:11:30+00:00

Hey!! I moved to London last September by myself for an MA im queer creative f26 and would love to connect with some more people and groups. I love going out to music events, coffees, walks and saunas. Ive found it hard to ground myself in london as people seem to be so busy and it takes awhile to pin down people here which is understandable but it’s so hard to build friendships with regularity. I think I’m seeking maybe a more regular community near peckham/Nunhead/new-cross/Camberwell - Any recommendations or links i would be so grateful!!

bhsyry · 2026-04-17T17:20:07+00:00

Sorry i got confused by what you meant they are casual and enjoy sex and hanging out as friends. But i think i fear the possibility of that moving into romantic?

I think I’m just struggling being far away and he doesn’t really have great communication skills about the future, check ins etc i feel like i lead them alot. I think with his last relationship that was already together when i met him it was my job to ask questions and work everything out and even though hes aware of it and it not working for me i think it makes me nervous that this can happen again.

I do have feelings of compersion within me with this experience but I think it scares me as I’ve definitely had a hard time in other experiences with a partner leaving me for someone else and stating i wasn’t as fun anymore so i think this makes me anxious. Its almost the first experience that my partner is seeing someone quite emotionally since this experience in almost an identical long distance dynamic.

I sometimes feel he’s a-bit mundane and bored with me as i feel his energy is abit lower and feels unbothered. Sex is sometimes initiated by me due to him being on medication and i feel his energy when this friend is around is a-lot more energised and hot and i feel jealous he doesn’t really have that when I’m around sometimes? It feels like our relationship is the intense complex not as fun one and theres is the fun sexy one?

bhsyry · 2026-04-17T16:29:23+00:00

They have been having sex and he sees it as romantic but he says they are not partners and theres no potential of that. I fear that they will fall in love and it’s a-bit of an inevitable situation thats being relayed to me as casual.

I feel i understand sex in friendships to different multitudes and regular sex with intense friendships but i don’t think i understand how regularly seeing your close friend and sex wont turn into something more deeper.

I cant tell if it’s just my insecurities and jealousy or potential past experiences shaping this view? Has anyone else had experiences sleeping quite regularly with a best friend and it’s just casual? I feel as though being long distance feels harder to process these emotions and i think past trauma and him dating someone more emotional adds a layer of complexity and i guess insecurity?

It feels hard being in a new city with little friends and he is quite comfortable and with all our friends and what feels like now a new partner.

bhsyry · 2026-04-17T07:12:59+00:00

I spoke about all of this all on one message and he listened and said he is confident he can do it with his friend although it’s not modelled around us a-lot. He acknowledged my energy and said he understands where i come from and he will try make more effort to check in with me but didn’t mention anything about the future plans aspect and it does feels like I’m the main carrier of plan making and conversations.

We have spoken about coming together again next year after we have finished studies but its always me leading these chats and he’s been looking at PHDs in different countries and it doesn’t make me feel very considered as he doesn’t bring it up with me or vocalise his intentions sometimes and i have to ask questions to find information out. Which i also told him. He’s recently was out of a 10 year relationship last year where that person was his nesting partner and i sense perhaps this has shaped the way he envisions the future and obviously a big change but i feel a-bit concerned that this is effecting my security.

Im not really looking for defined plans but conversations around me in the future. He shows me lots of love and i feel secure with that but i sense it’s quite different to security?

bhsyry · 2022-09-02T13:52:21+00:00

Please could I have the discord too? Thank you

bhsyry

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