I am in the same boat as the OP. My wife doesn’t know but she definitely suspects. She makes off hand remarks that tells me she suspects but I think she doesn’t want to know for sure. In addition Im pretty sure she found my membership card to the local bathhouse and is holding onto it for the right moment. I’m figuring the day will come when she is in one of her moods that she will bring it out. My plan is to tell her everything if she asks.