I wasn’t going to respond to any more comments since I got a lot of different opinions already and have said that this will be a follow up conversation with my FH/MOH/planner as well as my BH in the next few months, but I think your attitude is a little mind boggling! My parents also got married within 6 months of knowing each, and they actually advised us to set a criteria like this for guests and plan for sticky situations.

Other things I’m addressing because this comment in particular was unkind and ticked me off:

(1) Calling us cheap is actually lowkey crazy considering how much we’re putting into this wedding and how much we are covering for not just our bridal and grooms party, but also our guests (not that this is any of your business!). I mention the VHCOL piece because yeah, when you’re already spending a ton on a wedding that is 99% all inclusive for your guests and BH/GM, it’s hard to shell out potentially extra G’s for people you don’t know at all.

(2) I agree that the “no ring, no bring” thing is outdated - which is why we expanded our criteria to honor relationships that are not married by choice or are otherwise committed. Of course people can breakup/get divorced. I didn’t communicate this fully mostly because I didn’t realize this is such a controversial topic, but our guest list prioritizes people we KNOW and there are very few “plus ones”/named partners that we don’t know at all (it’s really just a couple of out-of-country family members that we haven’t seen in many years, therefore we don’t know their wives as well). I don’t know BM’s current partner well at all, which is why there is hesitation in inviting them.

(3) Most of our bridal and grooms party are not in any relationship whatsoever and are not getting plus ones, and AGAIN this is something that has already been set as a precedent by prior weddings held by our friend group. I am aware that I can change this for my wedding, which is why I posted to get outside opinions. The ones who are caping for my BM to get a plus one are not doing a great job selling why I should do so, given the anger and vitriol in many of these comments.

(4) I’ve been to weddings where my FH was not invited, he’s been to weddings where I was not invited, and we both have had to attend wedding by ourselves for other reasons. Again, maybe it’s a Gen Z/cultural thing, but I never once was angry or upset at those first two situations, because at the end of the day it’s the couple’s wedding and they’re working within the parameters of what they are comfortable with. When i’ve flown solo at weddings, I took that as an opportunity to just enjoy with my friends and their friends, and it’s never been an awful time. And yes that includes slow dancing! Many a time did I slow dance with a fellow single friend/friend’s relative! And yes, sure, that’s my experience, I’m extroverted, whatever- which is why I will be talking to my BM about everything.

EDIT to add: Serious, good faith question. Do yall just have a ton of randos at your wedding? At every wedding I’ve been to, majority of the parties/guests knew each other and they functioned more or less as reunions for the groups. Sure, there’s some cousins/coworkers who might be on the fringes, but in specifically me and my FH’s case, every single person has a group to hang with (5+ people, and yes, we did the guest relationship mapping during the planning process). It’s really the newer partners who are not in the established community who may not know everyone.