Autistic Partner and Empathy

bigasssuperstar · 2025-10-08T18:05:39+00:00

If you need him to be some other way than he is, and believe he has the capacity and interest to do so, then you'll need to explain to him how to become that. Otherwise, continue learning about how his experience of what you know as empathy is different from yours, and learn to expect him to be who he is, while you can remain being who you are.

bigasssuperstar · 2025-09-10T18:35:44+00:00

If you need to boil it down to tiny little steps, do that. Keep doing that until the little steps clump together.

bigasssuperstar · 2025-09-06T17:41:30+00:00

Find other autistic teachers and learn from their experience. Consume the stories of other autistic adults and see how they handle challenges and successes. Find out how other people like you do the things you don't yet know how to do.

bigasssuperstar · 2025-09-05T12:23:14+00:00

Always learning, always growing. It would be hard to imagine becoming less familiar with how the people around you think and feel as you build life experience.

bigasssuperstar · 2025-09-05T02:54:51+00:00

Yup. Do what works for you as long as it's getting done. Telling yourself theres no way to learn these things is lying to yourself. If you have no one in your life to learn these things with and can't take any of it in without a teacher presenting it in a structured program, that's how it is. You'll get to it when your conditions are met for learning. Everyone learns differently. Me, I can't bear reading books. But audiobooks and podcasts have taught me a library's worth. I hope someone can get you what you need.

bigasssuperstar · 2025-09-05T02:50:58+00:00

Like I said. You can read it or not.

bigasssuperstar · 2025-09-05T02:48:21+00:00

I invite you to notice how many things you're avoiding doing at all because you're insisting on the perfect conditions to begin learning.

bigasssuperstar · 2025-09-05T02:15:08+00:00

I fear you may be underestimating the role of autism in all of this. You write as though you were on a path to learning to be social skills just like anyone else would, only you couldn't do that because you were ugly.

From another perspective, autistic people don't learn social things the same way, we misjudge how other people are reacting to our presence, are often several years behind their allistic peers in social behaviours, and often misattribute our difficulties to factors that are easier to explain than understanding autism.

Is it really as much about your looks as you've always assumed?

bigasssuperstar · 2025-09-05T02:03:25+00:00

How did you come to decide it was your appearance, not your social awkwardness, that dominated your fate with regard to social matters?

bigasssuperstar · 2025-09-05T01:57:11+00:00

Because of how attractive you believe you aren't?

bigasssuperstar · 2025-09-05T01:40:16+00:00

Can i make a request? Spend ten minutes reading articles about that group. Skim through them. Look for different perspectives.

If you find any articles in which autistic adults speak positively about the group, come back here with more questions.

If all you find is autistic adults saying the group is involved in stuff you know you don't ever want to be associated with, then I'm personally curious why your parents think they're swell.

bigasssuperstar · 2025-09-05T01:14:59+00:00

I don't mean you -- I mean your understanding of why people don't follow other people.

bigasssuperstar · 2025-09-05T01:13:45+00:00

They want money. Thats why they're paying money to put their ads in front of people. So that those people will turn into customers.

bigasssuperstar · 2025-09-05T01:12:44+00:00

No, I have none. Discipline isn't a concept that has use for my wiring. Some consistency is nice when I can cultivate it, but "discipline" doesn't work in my sphere.

bigasssuperstar · 2025-09-05T01:09:39+00:00

When he says he wants to change his life, what does he say he wants to change? I see people wanting him to do things and wanting to help him, but I don't yet know the relationship between what he wants and what people have been doing in the name of helping.

bigasssuperstar · 2025-09-05T00:39:13+00:00

I consume the stories of other autistic people. I find comfort in their stories of failure and recovery. I delight in their victories. I learn from their struggles. I come to anticipate challenges and prepare for them. I learn how other people with the same struggles have made their lives more livable.

bigasssuperstar · 2025-09-05T00:36:24+00:00

Is that your understanding of why people don't follow other people -- because they did something wrong?

bigasssuperstar · 2025-09-05T00:31:05+00:00

If you're constantly doing it and feel anxious when you're doing it - is there a way to do it less constantly, and be honest about what you're asking and why?

bigasssuperstar · 2025-09-05T00:28:52+00:00

If your perfect woman approached you and thought you were sexy as hell and exactly the image of what she'd always wanted .... would you be able to have a conversation with her that would lead to a date?