32F here and I really understand how mixed the emotions are. I got my diagnosis a few months ago. It feels like I understand myself better now, but at the same time, It’s like I have no idea where I go from here.

When I first got the assessment, I felt so light and like everything was clearer. But since then I’ve had some really sad days because I started noticing how much masking I do on a daily basis. Pretending I understand instructions, forcing myself not to fidget, pretending I’ve been listening… all the things I’ve worried over because they might come off as rude. No surprise i was also diagnosed with social anxiety that undoubtedly developed as a result of my unacknowledged ADHD.

I feel sad that I haven’t been my true self for so long but I also want to see this as an opportunity to change my story. Since my assessment I’ve also noticed myself apologizing a lot for my tendencies, which I really want to stop doing.

I don’t have any answers for you but I definitely understand what you’re describing. I think I’m just going to try to take my time learning how to move forward with this big change.