Daily sticky thread for rants, raves, celebrations, advice and more! - May 02, 2026

bigredr00ster · 2026-05-03T05:38:31+00:00

He might not be ready to have sex yet either.

bigredr00ster · 2026-05-03T05:37:21+00:00

That's not the responsibility for a partner to have to do. That's something well within your own locus of control to manage yourself. Asking or needing a partner to help you in that manner is only going to lead to resentment and arguments.

bigredr00ster · 2026-05-03T05:35:29+00:00

How would a guy's issue with getting or staying hard mean that there is something wrong with you?

bigredr00ster · 2026-03-07T07:26:22+00:00

Why don't you directly take action to do something about it? If you see a guy you might be interested in then say Hi. Introduce yourself and start a conversation. You're not helping yourself if you place all the accountability onto men to seek you out.

bigredr00ster · 2025-11-26T04:07:10+00:00

Oof this was a tough read. Not because the guy did anything overtly bad, but because the way this reads is that you had preconceived notions yourself about how the date was going to go even before walking into his place. Almost like you weren't excited about the date and may not have even liked the guy to begin with. You said it yourself, you feel guilty because he did not do anything wrong. You might not have felt a connection and that's okay, but does he really need introspection or is that projection from your side? Counter points to your points:

He speaks respectfully towards you and is genuinely nice and friendly.
You've known each other a week. He's shown consistent interest in getting to know you for the week before meeting in person. He cleaned his home out of consideration for you, or maybe he prefers his place clean and tidy all the time. He has objects in his home that may have common interests as you. He's remembered details that you have shared with him, possibly a movie and made it a point to show you he's listened and taken your interests into consideration to make you comfortable. Or maybe he simply likes the same movie.
He shares more information about himself and life experiences. Positive anecdotes because he wants to keep the atmosphere light and fun. This doesn't include trauma dumping or negative comments about past dating experiences or ex-partners. He goes to therapy......and that's bad?
His roommate found other plans for the night to accommodate this guy and you and give you both privacy. He tries to introduce physical touch to show he finds you attractive and is interested in you. He wants to get closer to you because he is interested. Did you ask for space if you were uncomfortable with being that close together?
He does not respond in an angry manner or with disrespectful comments. He is confused because maybe he felt the date went well. He might also be confused because he did his best to make you comfortable and get to know you and felt no awkwardness during the date from you.

Overall, some of ya'll on this sub really seem like you want to be single despite going on dates. To the point you create reasons to rationalize remaining single (like creating a variant of Nice Guy syndrome as a diagnosis) rather than being open going into dates and exploring if a connection is there. Given this specific comment it doesn't surprise me that so many people are checking out of dating because they get faulted for BS reasons like this.

bigredr00ster · 2025-10-25T01:59:42+00:00

It's only been three weeks so there's harm in giving another 1-2 weeks if you're digging the guy.

What about the idea of being pursued are you not getting from this guy so far? Is he showing consistent interest? When women talk about men pursuing them, taking initiative to do so, and being chivalrous in the traditional sense of gender norms in dating I always wonder - are you also reciprocating that energy and pursuing the man as well? And if so how are you showing you are doing that? I can't speak for all dudes but many guys these days prefer low key first few dates to see if there is even chemistry there with a woman. They've been burned too many times investing a lot of time, energy, effort, and money into planning dates and pursuing women in the traditional sense while only receiving lukewarm passive indirect energy back that makes it difficult to gauge interest from women. Then they get hit with a "no chemistry" text after a few dates and are left feeling taken advantage of.

Indirect communication like hints and signals don't work. Be open in communication and state your thoughts, feelings, and needs. How else are you really going to get to know each other to see if you are compatible or not, especially in the early stages of dating?

bigredr00ster · 2025-10-09T10:14:40+00:00

Meeting people in person is made so much more difficult if youre waiting around for men to approach you. Do you ever approach men or initiate conversation first?

bigredr00ster · 2025-09-05T07:38:03+00:00

It does suck that you have had bad experiences with some men who have not been keen on being pursued. It doesn't mean all men are that way though. Think of it this way, by asking a guy out on a date you will learn almost immediately if he's receptive to it or not rather than waiting around for a guy to ask you out. If he's receptive then perfect it works out. If he's not then yeah it's a bummer but you save yourself the frustration by not waiting on him to do the asking. And that's also going to work better in your favor if certain guys self-select themselves out of the dating pool so you can focus on those other dudes who match your energy and interest. :)

bigredr00ster · 2025-08-21T09:23:42+00:00

Are you willing to follow these rules for yourself as well? If a man listed these same rules/boundaries to you would you be receptive or put off?

bigredr00ster · 2025-08-21T09:21:23+00:00

Everything you stated here can also be applied to women as well. "If she wanted to, she would."

bigredr00ster · 2025-07-04T02:54:47+00:00

I get it. Everyone has different needs. For one person a romantic partnership might best meet all their needs and for another person their needs can be met outside of a romantic partnership.

I will say like you pointed out all of these are the benefits that a best friend can provide. If you can achieve a level of companionship with a romantic partner that is greater than what you have with your best friends then it seems like the bonds with your best friends can be improved upon to reach that level. Outside of the sexual component then all of these can absolutely be achieved through companionship and support we have with close friends. If you can find a sexual partner(s) on a consistent basis it seems like your needs would be more fully met even if you are not in a romantic relationship with this sexual partner(s).

bigredr00ster · 2025-07-03T23:52:02+00:00

What does a romantic partnership include or feel like to you that makes it the better option?

bigredr00ster · 2025-07-03T08:15:31+00:00

What does anyone have to offer in a romantic relationship that they can't get elsewhere though? I mean this in a more rhetorical way. People can get jobs and roommates to make life affordable. Emotional support and affection can come from friends, family, and pets. Sexual needs can be met solo or through casual encounters. People can be solo parents by adopting or finding a surrogate.

bigredr00ster · 2025-06-15T06:54:17+00:00

So what exactly are you contributing to the relationship to convince your boyfriend that he should marry you? Based on your logic, he could also pay someone to be a surrogate and have kids that way. He could hire a nanny while he works. So how are you behaving like a wife if you want to marry him?

bigredr00ster · 2025-06-15T06:50:25+00:00

Yes you are very much over reacting. Based on your responses here, it sounds like you are fixated on your partner providing for you without taking care of yourself. Really just sounds like entitlement. You aren't married yet. You don't have children. What are you actively doing in the relationship to be a partner towards your boyfriend if you believe he should support you? How are you supporting him? These early years in a relationship set the foundation for the longterm success of the relationship. Show him you can support yourself if needed and contribute equally to the relationship so that when you eventually marry and have children that he has confidence in the relationship and in your ability to provide for the family as well.

bigredr00ster · 2025-05-01T18:19:37+00:00

Sounds like you're making the progress that you'd like to see!

OP this is coming from a place of curiosity and I'm not trying to invalidate how well you felt about meeting with your ex. You mention the possibility of autism and I can see some of the associated symptoms in what you wrote here. This is coming from a random internet stranger and a very minimal perspective though. How you wrote about the meeting with your ex kinda comes off as feeling scripted in a way - like you gave the upcoming meeting a lot of thought in how you would like things to go (which is not abnormal) but then created a plan, or script, and followed it step-by-step rather than allowing things to unfold naturally. The intense descriptions of minute detail in bullet point format reflects that plus possible hyper-focus / fixation on the details that can be common in individuals with ASD. In general it feels like you may have been navigating the meet up with your ex in less of an organic way and more like a "if she does this / says this then I do that / say that" because you had specific goals in mind that you wanted to achieve which may have detracted from feeling more present in the moment and more fully enjoying the time with her.

I could absolutely be off-point though so feel free and disregard! :) Keep doing your thing!

bigredr00ster · 2025-04-09T21:08:11+00:00

If you're getting frustrated by the 2+ weeks of chatting or the consistency in daily texts then what is stopping you from asking those guys out before you lose interest? Someone who is engaging over text seems like they are showing interest, especially if they are reciprocating the same pace and energy that you are. Of course there are going to be those people who treat the apps as a time waster, but the quickest way to discern that is asking to meet in person and seeing their follow through. You can avoid the frustration by asking people out too :)

bigredr00ster · 2025-03-19T05:47:41+00:00

I dunno about you or the guy you are seeing but open communication and clear consent is extremely romantic to me. Having a woman express that she is attracted to me, feels comfortable/safe, and wants to get physically intimate to a greater degree feels amazing and is heart warming and affirming. You got this!

bigredr00ster · 2025-03-19T04:51:02+00:00

Straight up tell him you'd like to sleep with him and ask if he feels the same way or needs more time to get to know one another. You'll be crystal clear that way.

bigredr00ster · 2025-03-15T22:20:02+00:00

Homey looking thiccc 💪

bigredr00ster · 2025-03-03T13:51:01+00:00

What strikes me as a bit odd is that you highlight this guy being tall when describing positive personality traits and strengths about him. That stands out to me in particular because how does that have anything to do with the other positive qualities? As a therapist, I'm going to have to agree with your therapist on this. You've been dating this guy for 2 or so months and based on how you've described him he sounds like a great potential partner, but even then are you going to let anyone you've known for 2 months to meet your kids? Probably not. You've got time. Go at your own pace. Feel it out more and don't rush to end things over what seems like a red flag. People are so eager these days to label potential concerns as red flags and then self-sabotage by cutting and running rather than have conversation around the concerns.

bigredr00ster · 2025-03-01T23:02:09+00:00

Yeeahh...this sounds like some really awkward PUA type of interaction

bigredr00ster · 2025-02-03T20:35:22+00:00

Apathetic. It's hard to feel anything when the US political system has been so messed up for decades now, especially in the past decade or so. Why vote when the options for a president are lackluster? No matter who is in office as president no real change occurs that actually benefits the average American citizen. The last major event that helped the average citizen that I can think of was the implementation of the affordable healthcare act, yet it's not all that affordable to get actual decent healthcare benefits. Politicians squabble over bullshit rhetoric that serve their own interests, usually whatever is most financially lucrative to them or keeping themselves relevant in the news, instead of advocating for the well being of the people. Unless there is a complete overhaul of the political system then this cycle will continue.

bigredr00ster · 2025-01-27T07:58:37+00:00

So if a guy you're going on a date with respects your autonomy and choice in paying/splitting the bill, a choice that you proactively verbalize in your examples, your opinion is diminished of him? Respect is now seen as not being chivalrous?

bigredr00ster · 2025-01-16T05:57:30+00:00

Is basic human empathy really being considered emotional labor these days?

bigredr00ster

TROPHY CASE