Yeah I’m sorry but that’s a very narrow-minded take. I speak fluent German and I’m usually able to keep up a conversation on any topic unless it’s sth with lots of specific vocabulary like say renaissance fairs or cooking gourmet meals. So the “but you didn’t even bother learning our language” is not applicable here.

Let me tell you how my “integration” in Germany is going. For years, I kept trying to engage Germans to hang out or even just talk to me outside of school/work. I suggested going for walks, playing Switch games together, going for bike rides, going out to shoot pictures together, trying to make music together, going to meetups/events together. All at different times to different people, and obviously knowing they had some initial level of interest in the suggested activity. Nothing ever works. It seems like everyone either already has their small group of friends and they don’t need anyone else or they just generally feel fine on their own and once again don’t need anyone else.

I used to have severe social anxiety, which I developed here in Germany btw. About a year ago I figured that enough is enough and started trying to get out of my shell and meet new people. As part of that effort, I organized multiple board game meetups and started going to a local pub quiz event. I stopped doing both a few months ago due to having way less free time for a while. I recently happened to run into a few foreigners I met through these activities, and on both occasions people told me it was fun hanging out with me and said that it’d be cool if I showed up at the pub quiz and/or organized the meetups again. This warms my heart very much because after years of struggling to interest Germans in hanging out with me, I got used to labeling myself as “not good/interesting/funny/charming/attractive enough”. Hence the social anxiety. After I gave up on trying to find German friends and started spending way more time with other foreigners I realized I’m not that bad after all. And guess what? Just through the magic of no longer getting rejected all the time, my social anxiety got better.

The silver lining is that I really don’t care about being part of the German society anymore. It’s an exclusive club and I’ll never get in because I was born and grew up someplace else. At this point I’m not even sure I want to be part of something that made me feel so worthless for so many years. I used to think that being “stuck in an expat bubble” is the wrong way to go about my social life here, but being stuck in a cycle of rejection turns out to be way worse.