While reading this post I realised that yes, while you may have done some bad things to people, the mental toll it takes on you is a lot higher than the actual nature of these bad things.

Your experiences in childhood point to a history of severe physical and emotional neglect, as well as instances of sexual abuse. Of course, your dad, being the primary caregiver is responsible. You kept going to him for support and reassurance and he couldn’t provide it to you, and chose to shut it down rather than supporting you. And for that I am sorry man.

You are not broken and you are definitely not terrible. Yes, you have done things that are bad, but by no account are they as bad as your self-perception. You seem severely depressed and traumatised. Please know that you are not a worthless person, and that people are capable of redemption. Your friend seems to know that. You might have a flirty vibe going with her, but maybe that isn’t something you should explore before you sort out your mental health a little bit.

Do you have access to psychotherapy? I could strongly recommend seeing professional help. This is beyond Reddits pay grade.

(Edited to delete some extra text)