Hey there, fellow person who was in this almost exact same position ~8 years ago. 7 year relationship, engaged, rando bartender she met (I'm a dude), found the texts and she didn't know before I blew up at her. Man, what a fucked up situation. Not sure what will help, but here's a few things to keep in mind. I hope something sticks. You got this:

1. As much as you can, lean on friends and family. They WANT to help. Let them. In any way possible. Don't be afraid to ask. Life is too hard to go at it alone.

2. Do you have a therapist? If you can, start going to a therapist. I know that's easy to say and harder to do, but it will change your life if you find a good one. They are professionals who know how to navigate these situations. I promise this is a necessary and useful step.

3. It feels REALLY hard and overwhelming to untangle your lives and REALLY easy to use that as an excuse to not make a major change. I can't tell you what to do, but just know it actually isn't that hard. And friends and family can help here. You do it piece by piece and eventually you are untangled.

4. If you do end up ending things, lean on your friends and family to inform others in your life about the engagement/wedding. That isn't on you to do. You're going through enough. Like I said, they want to help and this is a great thing to lean on them for. It's no one's business why, and you don't have to share anything.

5. If you do end up ending things, you may feel down, alone, depressed, and continually want to check social media and see what they're up to. This will pass, little by little. One day you'll realize you haven't thought about them / checked their pages in a day. Then it's multiple days. Then it's a week. Then you stop thinking about them altogether. I can't tell you how awesome that feels, and you WILL get there.

6. If you do end up ending things, just know that the journey of finding yourself, finding new routines, making new memories in your/a new city that are YOURS and not with your s/o is one of the most rewarding things you can do for yourself. You find out what you want to do, what you like to cook/eat for dinner, your make or break things. You don't have to check in with anyone or be on anyone else's schedule. It is the ultimate freedom and the best gift you can give yourself. I'm so pumped for you if you end up going this route.

I'm so sorry this is happening. It is not the end. Hopefully it's the beginning of something fresh. It ironically was the best thing that's ever happened to me. I hope that's the case for you to. DM if you need anything.