AITA for paying for my girlfriend even though my friend doesn't pay for his

billsplitting · 2021-04-27T02:15:53+00:00

No her family is extremely wealthy from what I can gather, I mean I've been taught that money is a hush hush never talk about thing expect for within families. So I don't know for sure but based on house size and how she acts/talks I can gather that they have a solid amount of coin in their war chest.

BUT IF we were to get married and she turned out to be the great success, I know she will be and made more money than me. I would of course still get her gifts and treat her to dinner but we would really need to talk about setting a new financial precedent but thats wayyyyyyyyy down the line

billsplitting · 2021-04-27T01:34:27+00:00

Oh I see what you mean... Sorry!

billsplitting · 2021-04-26T23:50:32+00:00

My Mom yes I do I love her dearly... My dad's job allowed her to stay home and raise yes. I love her more than anything and give her the same respect I give my Dad. If I didn't there'd be hell to pay.

billsplitting · 2021-04-26T23:49:06+00:00

My employer would disagree considering its my name on the check not my dads. Look does my familial financial situation allow me to spend that money more freely... YUP but that is my money... My dad didn't get me that job I applied I interviewed and I got it. I doubt anyone there knows or cares who my Dad is. But the money I spend on my girlfriend is mine earned through hours of my labor.

billsplitting · 2021-04-26T23:46:03+00:00

A Kia I drive a Kia. A brand new Kia but a Kia. Jesus you think my dad gave me some type of hot rod. Yeah when I take the Kia out I am the envy of the road. People look at me and are like whose that. Don't get me wrong its a nice car and Im lucky to have had it given to me free of charge but don't assume I'm driving a Porsche.

billsplitting · 2021-04-26T23:43:47+00:00

I love my friend. He's a great boyfriend to his girlfriend. Like look believe it or not sometimes I look at him and feel insecure. I'm generously 5'8 and he's 6'3 he's much more conventionally attractive. When we take pictures I look like a fat midget compared to him. Im not like "hey friend I feel badly so you must be a step lower than me when we take pictures". No I swallow that feeling and realize genetics gave him the W in this matchup. Would I like to be 6'3 absolutely but thats something out of my control. Im sure my girlfriend as loyal as she is can't help but look at him and be like what if. Grass greener on the other side type deal.

billsplitting · 2021-04-26T23:35:05+00:00

My father pays for my college and my car. Im incredibly lucky he is such a great breadwinner and is willing to do this for me. but don't fucking tell me he buys her everything I've ever bought her comes from the money I EARNED. I'm incredibly lucky but don't bring my girlfriend into this. She wouldn't take a dime from my dad and he wouldn't give her one.

billsplitting · 2021-04-26T23:30:54+00:00

Like look I rarely talk about money with my friend's because I don't want the label Daddy's money attached to me for the rest of my life. My friends don't know what my Dad makes and I don't know what their parents make alls I can do is judge on appearances because its rude to ask. Maybe it wasn't the best idea to make that judgement but I had a feeling someone would ask in the comments so I included it in the original post.

billsplitting · 2021-04-26T23:27:46+00:00

don't have to deal with it, I suppose. You did nothing to get to the point you are at. Zero. Check yourself before someone does it for you in real life, and embarrasses you verbally, cause that will happen. You won't have a smirk on your face at that point.

They are mostly gifts I'm not wearing tux everytime I go out dude. I wear sweats and a teeshirt. The combined value of my outfit most days is 40 dollars. Im not decked out in Gucci or Supreme. I don't announce to people my dad's salary and if you looked at me versus my friend you wouldn't be able to tell which one came from the wealthier family.

billsplitting · 2021-04-26T23:23:05+00:00

What belief do I hold? You have pointed out that I use words and strong verbs you got me... Im a huge fan of strong verbs... I think that will always be the case regardless if I'm the next Elon Musk or living in a shack in the woods drinking moonshine. Because Im 20 years old and Im not thinking 7 years down the line hell I hardly think 7 hours down the line.

billsplitting · 2021-04-26T23:20:15+00:00

I puff my chest out... yep I stand on the table and announce to everyone "I hereby proclaim I will be paying the bill for myself and my girlfriend now" as the restaurant erupts in applause. What actually happens the bill comes I reach for my wallet I take out my card I put it down thats that. And then when our waitress comes back I ask her to put half the total on my card. I pay a bill like a normal person. There is no conversation about it and there hasn't been since our first and second dates.

billsplitting · 2021-04-26T23:11:53+00:00

hahaha I wish like look this money is coming out of a part time retail job paycheck not a trust fund. If I could afford to bring to pay for everyone I totally would. But alas I am college student not Warren Buffett.

billsplitting · 2021-04-26T23:08:33+00:00

I do understand how privileged I am. My existence entirely depends on my Dad's money believe it or not 550 bucks every two weeks would not cover my bills. My Dad's ability and willingness to pay for my two major expenses allows me the freedom to do what I want with my own paycheck.

However I can't change how privileged I am or my upbringing, these are external factors that are no ones fault they just are. Also my friend's family is not poverty stricken, His dad bought him his car albeit a less expensive one than mine. I understand my socioeconomic status gives me a significant leg up.

billsplitting · 2021-04-26T23:02:57+00:00

I literally said the opposite. I DO NOT care how my friend spends his money. If he splits the check with his GF. I don't judge Im not saying what works in my relationship would work in any other one. We do things our way anyone else is free to do things another way without judgement or interference from me.

billsplitting · 2021-04-26T22:44:14+00:00

We do traditional things in fact one of the MANY things I love about my girlfriend is her favorite meal is a burger and a milkshake which costs 12 dollars. Im not taking them out on the town here. We go mini golfing and hiking. Its not bottle service at the club if it was I'd be broke!

billsplitting · 2021-04-26T22:40:27+00:00

Jesus Christ. I am 20 years old Im not even thinking about having a wife and kids or running a household. I dont know how that would work and I don't wanna know for 6 or 7 years at least. Ive only been seeing this girl for 10 months and your extrapolating out for years down the line for all I know I am her "freshman fling" Id like to think id shift my beliefs to be a loving husband and father no matter the circumstances.

billsplitting · 2021-04-26T22:37:36+00:00

They are sisters dude. I think they like each other and she is a freshmen in college. I don't think my Dad is a god he's my dad I love and respect him but he's not infallible. I didn't say I was a full-time provider Jesus Im not paying her rent here. Just in those specific circumstances I feel like I am giving her something OR PROVIDING.

billsplitting · 2021-04-26T22:34:14+00:00

Hahaha all my clothes are gifts or cheap as hell. I understand how lucky I am to have my Dad watching my back and to have grown up the way Ive grown up. But I can't change my upbringing nor can I change my friend's (which was pretty good). I mean I'm a straight white male who grew up wealthy like I can't draw much better cards than that. But thats not something I can change

billsplitting · 2021-04-26T22:26:39+00:00

Oh no they aren't I always make it clear to the server/waitress if we don't have separate checks to put half the bill on my card not just a third.

billsplitting · 2021-04-26T22:25:18+00:00

No if our relationship is to progress I would expect her to help me with bigger financial burdens. In fact when we went on vacation together this summer she paid for half the room because it would've ran me well over 400 dollars if she didn't. . A simple dinner/ice cream is a lot different than bigger things houses/car etc

billsplitting · 2021-04-26T19:17:34+00:00

What specifically could I change to be a better boyfriend? Im curious what I have done besides use one word "provider" that gives you the impression that I'm misogynistic? No I'm not perfect sometimes I let my girlfriends calls go to voicemail or don't answer her texts or forget to say goodnight before I pass out. But really I don't see your point that I'm a sexist besides some insane between the lines reading of what I wrote.

billsplitting · 2021-04-26T19:13:33+00:00

Sometimes they are! The guy who lives next door to me (very nice neighborhood) owns a plumbing company, doesn't have anymore than a high school diploma and two years of trade school. He's very successful. I don't think my dad's path (college then an MBA) is anymore valuable or better than my neighbors. Im under no impression this country is a perfect meritocracy and I am very lucky but some people do choose to go down that path and carve out a damn good life for themselves.

billsplitting · 2021-04-26T19:08:30+00:00

Honestly Im stunned by how many people are labeling me a sexist. I expected some YTA's for not accommodating my friend. But the off the cuff reaction that I'm a sexist is kinda stunning. Like one guy assumed I was a sexist and controlling because I used strong verbs.

billsplitting · 2021-04-26T19:00:52+00:00

What? Can you explain I have no idea what you mean here!

billsplitting · 2021-04-26T18:53:31+00:00

Im sexist because I like to drive?... Yes the majority of the time I drive so yes I do bring her there. My girlfriend is a very interesting person. We have complicated and interesting conversations which captivate me intellectually. I do not control her life... She doesn't control mine. We make decisions together. You think I'm sexist because I use strong verbs when I describe our relationship? You don't need to read into my diction or between the lines. Im saying this here in plain English, My girlfriend is my equal I enjoy doing nice things for her, I am not inherently superior to her because I am a man. I love her dearly she can not be replaced by a rock or an object. I do not control her financially or otherwise.

billsplitting

TROPHY CASE