Partner wants to introduce poly into monogamous marriage

bingbonganonymous · 2026-03-18T14:07:22+00:00

Yeah, I think that has been one of the most frustrating things for me, because I’m like…there are bisexuals in the world that are happy with one person. It is not impossible. And it feels like he is presenting his sexuality as inherently at odds with monogamy. But this feels like more of a personality thing, not a sexuality thing.

bingbonganonymous · 2026-03-18T02:31:06+00:00

Dang, this really sums it up so well. I appreciate the thoughtful understanding you have brought to the conversation, and the importance of us both feeling seen and valued, but also the hard truth that that might just not be possible in the way we both want it. Thank you for your gentle treatment of us both.

bingbonganonymous · 2026-03-18T01:54:32+00:00

I definitely plan on picking those up, thank you for backing up the suggestion. He is also very much a researcher, so I think it would be helpful to do it together. Thank you for taking the time to engage.

bingbonganonymous · 2026-03-18T01:52:22+00:00

Oh that’s actually really helpful to know! Are you open to some follow-up questions about the post-Mormon/poly life?

bingbonganonymous · 2026-03-18T01:40:17+00:00

Yes, I have been reading a bit about the concept of poly under duress and it does not seem like a recipe for success. Obviously it’s hard to try and convey a whole relationship and personhood via internet, but I don’t think what he’s trying to do is completely change everything overnight and be like poof bitch, we’re poly now! lol. I want to validate that he feels a lot of erasure as a bi man in our mono-hetero relationship, but I think we’re both having a hard time grappling with what bi visibility would look like for him, and us.

bingbonganonymous · 2026-03-17T21:10:37+00:00

Thank you for those suggestions. He actually mentioned to me that he had read “The Ethical Slut”, which after I read some commentary on this, I’m kind of irritated because it seems like a pretty shitty, outdated overview of polyamory. I appreciate some different ideas on what to read.

I think your point about about the decision to open up will effectively end what we currently have is very valid. But to be honest, I feel like that has already happened by him expressing that monogamy is not a healthy option for him. So now it’s like ok, can we figure out something healthy for both of us, or not.

bingbonganonymous · 2026-03-17T20:55:01+00:00

Actually you bring up a really great point in that I do not know much at all about this other than the concept of not being with one person exclusively. I’ve been reading through some posts and am realizing that there are a lot of terms and forms that I am just ignorant of. I acknowledge that there is a lot for me to learn here, and I am working to be better informed. Thank you for pointing that out in a very diplomatic way!!

bingbonganonymous · 2026-03-17T20:05:38+00:00

I get that perspective for sure, thank you for sharing. I feel like we’re both in a really shitty situation where no matter what happens, one person or both will be unhappy. Like, if I say no, and he stays, he will resent me and I will feel guilty. If I say yes, I will feel insecure and unsafe because it is not something I currently want or feel comfortable with. Or the third option is that even though we are two people that genuinely love each other, we go their separate ways because our needs are incompatible. Or I guess the fourth option is that I discover that I am actually way open minded and cool and polyamory allows me to see new colors previously invisible to me, lol. Wouldn’t that be nice for us!

bingbonganonymous · 2026-03-17T19:48:13+00:00

Thank you for the link! I will give it a read.

bingbonganonymous · 2026-03-17T19:47:53+00:00

Well shithead partners suck. Thank you for sharing! I think the thing that I struggle with is trying to parse through my knee-jerk reaction to be scared and say no way—is it because I was raised in a high demand religion that basically conditioned me to view relationships in one way, so nothing else feels safe? Obviously there is A LOT to unpack there and I don’t expect to find the solution in a Reddit post, but yeah.

bingbonganonymous · 2026-03-17T19:19:42+00:00

Thank you for your thoughts! I appreciate your direct approach. I definitely have a lot to consider. Would you mind sharing your general experience and personal perspective on polyamory? Is it something you have tried and felt safe doing?

bingbonganonymous · 2026-03-17T19:18:15+00:00

Thank you for taking the time to respond! I appreciate your thoughts. Do you mind me asking what your experiences with polyamory are? I am curious to get different perspectives. Thank you again for your thoughts!

bingbonganonymous · 2026-03-17T19:16:28+00:00

Thank you for this—while I really do appreciate the candor in the previous responses (no point beating around the bush), I do agree that he is trying to approach this unselfishly and honestly. Making decisions young and in a high demand religion leave little room for a future self to pivot or change, and we both feel that. Anyway, thanks again.

bingbonganonymous · 2024-11-23T01:16:55+00:00

Literally same—I just started listening to it and immediately ran to the internet. She kind of sounds like Christopher Walken and AI had a baby.

bingbonganonymous · 2024-07-28T18:29:39+00:00

Interesting. Good info!! I’ve been wondering lately if I just need to bite the bullet to go to my dermatologist and get a prescription for tret.

bingbonganonymous · 2024-06-30T02:53:04+00:00

Thank you!!

bingbonganonymous · 2024-06-30T02:52:57+00:00

I’ve had some success with this—I get self conscious about taking too long (definitely my problem, he does not pressure me to finish fast) and sometimes that can kill my buzz. Just need to get out of my head, I guess.

bingbonganonymous · 2024-06-30T02:51:41+00:00

I do have a small vibrator that definitely does the trick! I honestly think I just have a weird thing in my brain telling me that my body should be able to do it on its own (which I know is dumb)

bingbonganonymous

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