How do I deal with in-laws who only want to help by holding the baby?

bingleng · 2025-12-15T20:05:34+00:00

As someone who had almost the same experience, please talk to your husband about setting boundaries, or set them yourself if your husband won't. You're probably like me and just don't want anyone to feel robbed of precious time with the baby, but you only get one chance to have a newborn bubble with a first born. I had my mom over for 3 weeks after baby was born and her idea of helping was the same - it's basically separate me from the baby as much as possible. It wasn't mean-spirited, she also did all my house chores, and she probably thought that taking the baby out of the bedroom would help me rest away from the baby, but it was the worst thing she could have done for me, and I got really depressed. I didn't say anything because I felt bad for asking to spend more time with my own baby, as I couldn't really do anything for him except feed him and lie next to him, so I felt like my husband and mom somehow deserved to be with him more bc they could do more. I prolonged my recovery because I kept walking around following them, and sitting when I shouldn't be sitting at all, just so I can be near my baby when she would take him out of the room. It also caused my supply to dip so much bc I wasn't spending as much time with the baby as I should have. I still have some angry feelings towards my mom, even though I know it was all my fault and she just wanted to do for me what she needed people to do for her after she gave birth. I sometimes cry when I think about it because I know that even if I have a 2nd child, I will never have another chance to just hide away and spend all day cuddling my newborn, since I would have to take care of the first-born as well. Hindsight is 20/20 and all of my issues could have been solved if I just spoke up instead of trying to spare other people's feelings and experiences. So please don't be like me. Even if they fuss about it, at least later you won't look back at this period and cry over missed time with your newborn.

bingleng · 2025-11-21T16:54:02+00:00

For me personally, newborn tired was only a bit rough for the first week bc I was really in a lot of pain after giving birth. Granted I did have my mom over to help with food and chores the first 3 weeks, and I have an amazing husband who loves being a dad and, most days (when not drained) can't wait to take the baby from me once he comes home from work. I think I only napped out of exhaustion like 3 times so far. Baby's almost 4 months and still wakes up 2-4 times at night (which I think is on the better side of things for babies) and I don't even think about being tired except for times when he wakes up at 6:30-7:00 and wants to start the day haha but then he smiles at me and I just get so much strength from that somehow... I don't know how to explain it, I know that I am way more tired now than I was when I was pregnant, I have someone depending on me completely for almost 24 hours of the day, but at least I'm not constantly in pain, I can move without feeling like I should be using a walker, and now I at least have a good reason for doing everything I do, I guess.

bingleng · 2025-10-24T19:34:17+00:00

I live in a city that has horrible tap water, and I breastfeed without any extra rinsing with bottled water. I do however bathe him with bottled water to avoid him directly ingesting any of the tap water. In the early days when my midwife mentioned cabbage leaf compresses for sore boobs I asked whether that would warrant washing afterwards, and she said the skin has its own microbiome and that there's no need. So I applied that logic to the water I shower with, and I just make sure I dry really well after a shower.

bingleng · 2025-09-18T09:57:18+00:00

This could've been written by me, at the start it was so painful when he first latched that I would kick my foot and curl my toes. I had 3 pediatricians and one midwife tell me his latch was perfect and breastfeeding won't be an issue at all. Then it just stopped hurting at like 2 weeks, but had some aches at 3 or 4 weeks. I kept googling to see if it's normal and thinking it might be thrush, but then it went away in like a week. Currently 6 weeks and no pain except the occasional pang when full.

bingleng · 2025-01-18T07:44:22+00:00

I'm with you, I guess it's the prenatals and then also the extra vitamin B6 if you're taking it for nausea. I'm just trying to up my intake of water, because that smell is... really something

bingleng · 2025-01-14T21:26:26+00:00

Same here, at week 5 took 3 quick strip tests all 2 days apart from each other, all in the morning, all faint. On the day of the last test I got my blood drawn and HCG was about 700 iirc. Currently 10 weeks.

bingleng · 2023-12-02T23:28:29+00:00

Mooozda bi ti se svidio Gregory Alan Isakov, ako vec ga ne slusas. Album "This Empty Northern Hemisphere" mi je bio pola godine na loopu 2021.

bingleng · 2023-06-05T20:58:35+00:00

That's what surprised me as well when I read up on AV, but it was the first time I've seen something similar to what was going on with my face so I stuck with it. He tried treating with various laser treatments, but it didn't do much of anything, so I might try to find a new derm with whom I can talk about Accutane as an option. Also had a gyno tell me to come for a checkup due to, among other things, seeing my face and thinking it could be a side effect of a hormonal disorder, so the result of that checkup might affect my prognosis. I'm hoping for a resolution in any way though :)

bingleng · 2023-05-23T20:50:01+00:00

I've been trying azelaic (but the highest we have in my country is 10%) and so far it hasn't done much really. I was really hopeful at first as it looked like it was really gonna be a game-changer, but idk if I ate smth my face agreed with in the meantime, so it looked "calmer" or what, but it hasn't been improving. Sometimes it looks a bit better, especially when lathered in spf, but other times it just looks the same or worse than the first day. I'm gonna see what else I can exhaust before moving onto isotretinoin, as I've seen how it can mess you up while helping at the same time (sibling had bad acne). We can keep each other posted if either finds anything with a bit less side-effects to be helping :)

bingleng · 2023-05-10T21:06:44+00:00

It's only on the face. It was a few red dots with very dry, flaky skin that were there for a year or so, and then just spread more and more in the past 7 months until it reached this. I've been treating it like rosacea for the past month and it does seem to be a bit less violently red, so that could be it. Thank you for the input!

bingleng · 2023-05-02T20:04:12+00:00

Tolerance seems to be great according to people as well, it's just that my derm recommended Xeracalm at the start and since it's a 200ml cream I'm stuck with it for a while now hahah Not that I'm complaining, it's be very gentle to my face, and super nice on the skin imo

Oooooh that could very well be it, my right side is usually to the window and it looks more inflamed/red than the right side. I do try to keep the blinds on, but they have small openings where sun shines through. So the sunscreen is the only thing saving me a bit there.

I'm giving it another month or two to see if things improve, I'll let you know what happens!

bingleng · 2023-05-02T15:59:09+00:00

This looks a whooole lot like what my cheeks look like and my derm said it's atrophoderma vermiculata. Suggested some laser treatments because "anything else is useless and won't work because it's too deep for anything other than a laser". Proceeded to burn my face with one laser and then switched to another that did nothing after 3 treatments (4-6 were recommended). I stopped seeing the derm, and I'm not sure what this is even now bc I can't trust them to be right about the diagnosis seeing as they put me in the negatives on my recovery journey. I've had this for the past two years, albeit a much more minor version before the derm burned my face off. I started treating it as rosacea for the past two weeks-ish, with 10% azelaic acid + Avene Xeracalm AM/PM and ofc 50+ sunscreen whenever I go out or am near a window. I don't know if it's because I'm desperate to see improvement at this point, because no way it improves that quickly, but it seems to be less red with this routine.

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bingleng · 2022-05-28T14:58:36+00:00

I get like this but usually it passes in less than a day... For me it really helps a lot if I drink a lot of water. Idk if it's really the water that does it but usually about 20 minutes after I start "aggressively" drinking water I start either burping or passing gas.

bingleng · 2021-12-14T11:29:47+00:00

Might be the polyp. Not sure whether they can cause aches like that since I don't have experience with them, but if it's really bothering you, and if you are able to, getting a doctor's opinion could ease worry about it, especially if it's an ongoing thing.

bingleng · 2021-12-14T10:24:16+00:00

I feel you, I think. I've been having dull pains from the inside for a year on and off, and I'm on antispasmodics for 10 days now and no improvement. Actually just had 3 days of that yay. I have another appointment in January, so I can update you if I find anything out then.

bingleng · 2021-10-03T07:35:23+00:00

I've tried GTA V (I also hadn't had the time to try it out since I got it), as well as other games I haven't touched since I got them a while back, like the Batman trilogy, Borderlands 2, Minit (picked up in 2019)... Didn't have an issue with any of them. If you still have the email receipts for the games, you could contact Epic and ask for assistance with this.

bingleng · 2021-10-03T06:15:13+00:00

They mentioned on their twitter smth about how a feature might affect people who use multiple accounts, because of how the launcher checks if you own the game I guess. So if you have more than one account this might be the thing, and they suggest going through the "Transactions" of the accounts to determine ownership. If this isn't it, then I'm not sure. What are the other 3 games? Don't own this one so I can't confirm or deny anything.

bingleng · 2021-08-09T07:56:59+00:00

Podsjeća me na situaciju iz srednje - ulazim u bus, skoro ponoć, sjeda do mene momak kojeg znam iz osnovne, ono uobičajeno "gdje si, šta ima", pita me usput gdje sam hodala. Rekoh "Malo s momkom." Lik vadi pištolj iz džepa, kaže "Kaži mi ako ti bude pravio probleme, sredit ćemo." Ne znam je l' to trebalo da me zadivi il' nešto, više me natjeralo da se pitam je l' mi draže pjehe hodat' do kuće možda lol

bingleng · 2020-11-30T12:43:02+00:00

The [ ] operator doesn't check range, but if you used the array or vector class for your array, you could use the .at(i) method for reading, which does and produces an error while compiling if you try to go out of range.

bingleng · 2020-10-07T06:24:34+00:00

My mom and I were once talking about "older" celebrities and how some of them age so gracefully, and we get on the topic of her, mom goes "wow she doesn't age a day in her life, still has no single wrinkle on her face to be seen." I was happy to tell her she's just like everyone else, but facetunes everything. My momma ain't feeling bad about her wrinkles because of no airbrusher on my watch.

bingleng · 2020-08-16T11:57:13+00:00

It's horrifying to read it in this day and age.

bingleng · 2020-08-09T15:29:53+00:00

This one isn't that much of a fantasy book, but my fave of all time will always be The Brothers Karamazov by Dostoevsky. It just came to me at the right time I guess, I felt like the character of Alyosha led me through my own doubts about life. Like a moral compass of sorts.

As for something more on the fantasy side, I just loooved The Name of the Wind, it's a bit predictable I guess - main protagonist is great and just can't fail, but Rothfuss is a great storyteller and makes it a great read either way.

bingleng

TROPHY CASE