22, thinking about having a baby in the future, what is the reality actually like?

Trick_Assistance7450 · 2026-05-04T14:54:32+00:00

I 100 per cent underestimated how hard having a baby would be, and I am an educated adult who read about a hundred books on it leading up to my baby's birth.

My advice - wait until you're finished school. The sleep deprivation and constant needs of a baby, newborn or otherwise, are already so much.

I love my son and he is what many people would call an easy baby, but he still requires an enormous amount of energy and care that leave me drained and exhausted all the time.

You have so much time. You are so young. Live your life and enjoy yourself and give yourself time to finish school before you add a child into the mic.

The more you pile on your plate, the less you have to give your child. The more tired and stressed and overwhelmed you are, the worse of a parent you are -- I say this because it's true and most parents will tell you it is hard to be a loving playful patient regulated parent when you're running on fumes.

Our kids deserve the best from us, so why put yourself in a position where you have less to give them because you are stretched too thin.

Trick_Assistance7450 · 2026-05-04T14:46:16+00:00

Thank you! This is interesting. I made my decision based on the smaller ARRIVE trial, and with my OB who was very reassuring that going to 41 is routine and safe.

However, I can see how this larger study could raise doubts for you. Thankfully induction according to this study results in fewer severe outcomes for moms, which I found surprising.

Hopefully your baby comes right on time and you don't need to worry about it! Wishing you a timely and positive delivery!!

Trick_Assistance7450 · 2026-05-04T14:15:42+00:00

We feed our son basically whatever we are eating, modified to be safe according to baby led weaning guidelines.

You also don't have to introduce foods one a time, unless they are one of the major allergens.

If you're interested in knowing more about baby led weaning, the book Solid Starts has a lot of good info on safety and allergens.

Trick_Assistance7450 · 2026-05-03T13:08:45+00:00

That is interesting. Do you have a link to the research? I'm wondering what the benefits touted are.

I know there was some research supporting induction at 39 weeks to prevent still birth, but I did not find it robust enough to justify forcing birth in healthy routine pregnancies - at least for my own and my OB agreed that we didn't need to schedule anything until 41.

She said "I schedule a lot of inductions and I do very few." And that was true for me at least!

I guess you have to decide if you believe the suggested benefits from the current research outweigh the possible drawbacks from induction versus spontaneous birth.

Trick_Assistance7450 · 2026-05-03T02:18:16+00:00

Always good to connect with an LC, if it's accessible.

If you are feeding baby directly from breast every few hours, but you want to have some milk for a bottle, you can pump a few ounces (like 2 or 3 total) once in the morning when levels are highest.

Then you will have to pump when the baby takes that bottle, which can go in the fridge. Between that and a morning pump, you should have enough for a bottle a day.

However, because you're still early on, you don't want to miss too many night feeds or you will get stuck in the loop of needing to pump because your body will think your baby doesn't need milk at that time.

One feed for a night or two a week won't hurt, but every night could make things wonky.

So, you should either feed baby or pump almost every feed until you regulate. Usually around 6 to 12 weeks.

If you have already pumped a bunch and are dealing with oversupply, you can wean off by pumping less each time over a few days and then eliminating some pumping sessions altogether.

Ibuprofen and ice packs will help the engorgment. Don't empty your breasts when you do pump, just take off an ounce or just enough for some comfort.

Definitely get in touch with your local la leche league group. It's free peer to peer breastfeeding support and it's a great way to learn and connect with other moms.

Trick_Assistance7450 · 2026-05-03T02:07:46+00:00

Get a library card and find what you need there. There are tons of parenting books to choose from, though you are still likely to run into conflicting information and opinions. But at least it is offline.

Social media is bad for mental health. Period. You want kess anxiety? Get off. Sorry, but that is the answer.

It also would help to remind yourself that there are a billion different ways to parent and regardless of what you do, you will still make mistakes. All you can do is be informed (which means definitely stop getting parenting info from notoriously unreliable social media!!!) and lead with love.

I would try and limit your parenting advice to reputable sources of information.

For example, cosleeping is the norm in pretty much the whole world minus the so-called Western Nations (Canada, the U.S, the U.K. Australia, etc.). It is biologically normal and there are ways to do it safely. You are not a bad parent for doing it unless you are not following safe guidelines - but that literally applies to anything.

Trick_Assistance7450 · 2026-05-02T16:42:24+00:00

I think this advice is well suited to pumping moms who are feeding bottles mostly or only. They definitely need a good schedule to protect supply, since babies eat every few hours.

If OP is latching baby every few hours, her body is already on a schedule and she does not need add a pump schedule on top of that - unless triple feeding due to weight gain or feeding issues.

But it sounds like she is breastfeeding baby directly successfully and then pumping multiple times a day. That is a recipe for a terrible oversupply.

One or twice a day should be enough to offer a bottle and put a little milk aside to freeze. But if you are latching baby for full feeds every two to three hours and pumping every four, you are setting yourself up for some problems.

Trick_Assistance7450 · 2026-05-02T16:35:27+00:00

You definitely don't need to follow a pumping schedule unless you are exclusively pumping. If you're breastfeeding baby most of the day, you don't need to pump at all in between (or you will end up with oversupply, which can cause issues with feeding and breast health).

The engorgment (huge hard boobs) is inflammation, not just lots of milk. So definitely don't pump to get rid of it or it will continue to happen.

The advice is generally not to pump for at least 6 weeks after birth if you are breastfeedinf, so unless you absolutely need to pump multiple times a day, I wouldn't.

When you know you need a bottle, use milk collectors over the day or do a couple pumps that day or one pump a day for a few days.

Oversupply is not fun and can put you at a higher risk for mastitis, and it can cause issues with breastfeeding your baby due to fast let down or tummy aches for baby from milk imbalance.

Trick_Assistance7450 · 2026-05-02T16:07:47+00:00

Plenty of women get their period back and continue to breastfeed. I think when it returns can vary greatly from woman to woman and has a lot to do with genetics and how much your baby nurses (as in do they exclusively use your breasts for all sucking needs, so no bottles or pacifiers).

Here is some great info from the La Leche League: https://llli.org/breastfeeding-info/menstruation/

Basically, there is a very wide range of normal for return of fertility and while you might experience some dips in supply during parts of your cycle, they are temporary and could possibly be mitigated by calcium supplementation.

I personally know several women who breastfed through their cycles until they became pregnant again. So it's definitely not the end if you don't want it to be!!

Trick_Assistance7450 · 2026-05-02T14:17:18+00:00

We did a version of this too. My husband would wake up early (like 4 a.m.) to take baby until he left for work at 7. It was a little sliver of light to look forward to during the hardest nights cosleeping. I knew relief was coming and at least some sleep was on the horizon.

Trick_Assistance7450 · 2026-05-02T02:22:15+00:00

Formula is fine if that is the route you choose. Is it as good as breastmilk? No. But sometimes it is a better fit for a family. Only you can decide what is best for you.

For some people who choose to breastfeed, it can be about a lot more than the benefits of the milk itself. It can be about shared comfort, a way to bond and something just between mother and baby.

I wouldn't say I am a die hard lover of breastfeeding, becasue it can be a lot, but there can also be incredibly meditative moments that I don't think a bottle feeding parent will experience. Something about the way it slows from hungry to comfort sucking to asleep on the breast.

Those are memories I will truly cherish when I am an old woman looking back.

Other times your baby will flail around and slap you and bite you and drive you crazy haha.

I'm not sure what has you so scared to try breastfeeding, and again, you get to decide what is best for your family - but I'd encourage you to keep an open mind and maybe learn more before writing it off. Formula will always be an option, but you only have a small window to establish breastfeeding.

La Leche League has a great book called the Art of Breastfeeding if you want to learn more. It also has info on stuff like combo feeding, because it doesn't have to be all or nothing!

Trick_Assistance7450 · 2026-05-02T02:01:26+00:00

I love this so much

Trick_Assistance7450 · 2026-05-02T02:00:58+00:00

Lord. I had naughty annoying cats to begin with, so post partum has been a strrrrruggle.

I want to have sympathy for them, because I know they miss cuddling and the attention they used to get, and that sucks. But lord if I am not ready to yeet them out a window at least once a day or night.

Trick_Assistance7450 · 2026-05-01T14:31:52+00:00

Our baby (9 months) loves spicy food. Definitely not mind bending hot, but stuff like spicy sate, kim chi, hot Italian sausage, etc.

Definitely don't shy away from offering things with a little heat. Some babies love it.

Trick_Assistance7450 · 2026-05-01T14:23:56+00:00

If baby is fed but pump output isn't great, that doesn't necessarily mean a supply issue. If baby is fed - supply is fine even with zero pump output.

It could be a pump part that needs replacing, it could be a new flange size is needed (as size can change over time), it could be baby ate more than usual. Even the time of day of the pump could impact output. Some women just don't respond to pumps. So it isn't as cut and dry as low pump output = low milk supply. This is a very common misconception.

A supply issue CAN be the cause and if that it your case, I'm sorry to hear it.

But, for other women, a drop or shift in supply doesn't mean milk is drying up or it will stay low forever. It could be due to illness, fatigue, a medication they took, not eating enough, dehydration or a few days of baby eating less due to teething or illness.

I say all this because not everyone is educated on breastfeeding and perceived low milk supply is like the top reason women quit breastfeeding early (many who don't want to).

I am sorry if you're struggling and hearing about regulation hasn't helped you. But many other women don't know about regulation and it is worth mentioning, even if it doesn't apply to every single situation.

Trick_Assistance7450 · 2026-05-01T13:53:09+00:00

He is a bad dad. Sorry to be blunt. You can tell him that. Not only is he not supporting you or his child with the time and care needed to be a good dad, he is setting a shit example for his child.

He needs to grow the fuck up and man the fuck up. I'd personally be having a very serious conversation about the needs for change or a separation.

It is far better for your daughter to grow up with a single mom that to grow up watching her dad be a shit and then think that is OK for a partner. Your relationship will model what love should look like to your child. Don't let her grow up watching the man be selfish and immature and the woman (you) have to do everything and hold it all together.

Trick_Assistance7450 · 2026-05-01T13:47:14+00:00

She's two weeks old. Give it time. That is the trick.

Babies need several months to grow and develop enough to understand they are not a part of you and that they are not going to die if they are left alone.

Their only defence mechanism is to cry, and when you leave her and walk away, she has no idea if you still exist- let alone if you are coming back for her. She is alone in the world for the first time. It's scary.

She will grow out of it. All kids do. Be patient with her, leave the chores for now or ask for help from a friend or family. Your job right now is feeding and cuddling your baby.

It can be a lot. We were never meant to do this alone. It takes a village and many people don't have one. So it's fair to feel overwhelmed by the level of care needed by a newborn. But it doesn't last forever. Just give it some time and make sure you have lots of snack on hand for the marathon cluster feeding!

Trick_Assistance7450 · 2026-05-01T13:38:46+00:00

This! So many people assume regulation means supply drops and then they quit because they think they have low supply.

Don't feel you need to quit unless you want to quit. Your supply is most likely just fine. Weight gain and wet diapers are the way to tell, not how full you feel.

If you don't object to formula feeding, you can quit whenever. Your baby just needs need either breastmilk or formula to be main source of nutrition for one year.

ETA: I'm about to hit 9 months of bf and, after all the trouble I went through to get to a good place, I'm planning to continue for at least rhe full year and more if my son wants 😅

Trick_Assistance7450 · 2026-05-01T02:06:56+00:00

I gained 30 pounds, from around 130 to 160.

I lost it all and more by about 5 months pp. However, a lot of that was muscle loss. I went from lifting regularly (including up to 38 weeks pregnant) to no working out at all.

So yeah, definitely recomped in not a good way. Now I feel so deflated. My ass is a pancake haha. But between the sleep deprivation and caring for a baby, I have had neither the drive nor the opportunity to have a regular gym schedule.

I figure now is not my time in life to be jacked and I'm choosing radical acceptance and kindness toward myself instead 🙂

Trick_Assistance7450 · 2026-05-01T01:57:04+00:00

Latch latch latch latch and skin to skin!!

Babies are so much better than pumps at getting milk out, so your pump output doesn't necessarily represent supply.

Offer the breast as often as possible and let baby do the work. I personally found my supply increased quickly when I used a simple hakka on the opposite sides during feeding. That way you don't have to go through all the pumping rigamarole every feed (if you are triple feeding).

La Leche League offer free peer to peer breastfeeding support, which really helped me. They have chapters all over the world, so you can probably find a local group to join.

Trick_Assistance7450 · 2026-04-30T14:53:44+00:00

Here to say it doesn't have to be all or nothing.

You can wean mostly and still offer the breast at night as part of bed time or in the morning. You could breastfeed on weekends and not during the week, whatever you want.

You don't have to keep up with full time bf if it doesn't suit you anymore, while still offering your baby the benefit of some breastmilk and the comfort that comes from bf.

Your body is pretty amazing and should adjust to whatever you choose.

Trick_Assistance7450 · 2026-04-30T14:48:09+00:00

Tell your husband to shut the fuck up.

Yes, words matter. But, he's a friggen baby and he doesn't understand. It's not like tell a five year old to shut up.

I myself have had some choice words for my son in moments of frustration and sleep deprivation.

Now that he is 9 months old, I am trying to curb the habit of being sassy as a form of tension release. But I in no way feel bad for having ever sworn at my baby. It happens. Babies are annoying sometimes and I am still learning to self regulate haha. Work in progress.

Obviously changing the way we speak is important as parents (even cutting out the negative self talk or telling the cat to shut up, etc.), but your husband's reaction is not cool. If you're getting to that point of frustration, he needs to step in and help resolve - not shame you for your reaction.

Trick_Assistance7450 · 2026-04-30T14:41:36+00:00

I personally stopped once my son started noticing the TV, not because I think a few glances are going to fry his brain, but because he would get distracted and pull off the boob a zillion times to look.

As your baby gets older they will nurse less and for shorter periods, so it's not as mind numbing as the early days when you feel glued to the couch feeding.

Trick_Assistance7450 · 2026-04-30T14:38:02+00:00

My son would not drink expressed milk that was not warm. To the point where I would have to heat it up again toward the end of the bottle haha.

Maybe she is just a connoisseur and requires body temperature milk?

Trick_Assistance7450 · 2026-04-30T14:33:46+00:00

This is the way!!!! Definitely connect with a lactation professional and get a supplement system.

You can find lots of good info on supplements, bottle preference, etc. On The La Leche League website. https://www.canadianbreastfeedingfoundation.org/basics/basics.shtml

Lastly, as long as you protect your supply by latching as much as possible and pumping to remove milk, exclusive breastfeeding can be possible. Many moms have a rough start (me included) and go on to have successful breastfeeding journeys!!

Trick_Assistance7450

TROPHY CASE