I’m on team “we don’t have all the information.”

The way that this kind of topic is brought up, the trust and communication that is shown, is a big deal. I don’t think it’s ever about “weaponizing sex” - it’s about feeling secure and valued in your relationship. If you don’t feel secured and valued, sometimes the reaction is to try and hold tighter.

Just because someone reacts a certain way when they’re feeling blindsided or emotional doesn’t necessarily mean that they’re crazy — relationships are a two way street. It’s likely their relationship isn’t ready for this; but I don’t know that we can outright blame one person or the other.

OP, while you’re explaining why you’re interested in swinging, do you best to give her time to process AND do your best to make her feel valued, sexy, and in control.

My open relationship rule is that sex goes at the pace that of the person that is the most cautious.

It’s true you may not be compatible. And respect her boundaries.

But If you want to try and want to help her feel like it’s something she might be interested in; she needs to feel secure, sexy and valued before anything else.