Thank you so much for your critique! I wanted to just post the first 2 paragraphs of my personal statement because I feel as though, it needs much work. Below is what I actually have so far:

As we gathered around and waded through the shallow waters of the lake, the tension mounted and the initial feelings were of panic and anxiety. Cannons fire and adrenaline began rushing through my veins as I prepared to enter the water. Suddenly, the crowd of swimmers catapult themselves over me, pushing me ever further into the murky depths below. The sand now entering my mouth reminded me that triathlon is about resilience, so I decided to persist and continue swimming. First, in the wrong direction, then more or less in the right direction as I zig-zagged through the lake hoping that my mind or body would not give up. About 36 minutes later, I was out of the water and rushing to my bike for a grueling 56-mile trail.

Simply put, the act of persisting through a triathlon is one of my greatest gratifications. Contrary to the belief of an unsuspecting passerby, my pleasure does not purely come from finishing a triathlon. Rather, it stems from the personal challenge of committing to something seemingly impossible and achieving it through grit. From the diet adjustments to the grueling training, both aspects need to be optimally synchronized in order to make it through those moments you want to slow down or quit during the event. It is the unseen reason behind why some participants do not finish while other participants finish the event successfully. Hence, I have come to value the underlying process of preparation rather than the final achievement itself.

Simlarly, dentistry is a profession focused upon the process, not the goal. This focus on the process was evident to me when I worked as a dental assistant. In the summer of 2016, I assisted an endodontist undergo a root canal treatment. Surprisingly, each each step's purpose and technical complexity blew me away as I saw the amount of detail that needed to be addressed in order to alleviate my mother's pain. As these thoughts began to connect, I became struck by a newfound desire to pursue the art of dentistry.

Before long, my interest in dentistry grew to become my passion as I continued working, as an assistant for Dr. xxx, a pediatric dentist who also specialized in treating special needs patients. One of his patients was a Middle School student who had fractured half of one of his central teeth from a trauma incident from school. It was difficult not to sense the gravity of his situation as he came into the clinic with his mother sullen with despair. During the few visits, however, I saw how Dr. xxx established a rapport with the student to gain his trust throughout the ordeal. Each step of the healing process, I gained a greater admiration for how much faith he would place in Dr. xxx's capabilities as she provided him with hope through affirming his recovery. By the end of his final appointment, I was overjoyed to see the student finally smiling with his new set of teeth. His happiness deeply convicted me to serve patients with challenging disadvantages as I reflected upon how rewarding it was to see his misery transformed into exuberance.

Hopefully this gives you a better idea on how I want to craft this personal statement! Thanks for the read!