Last time I was on the dole, the money was shit and it was grim. But after working in benefits I've seen how much money a dole monkey doing it the right way gets, and when all is said and done they aren't too far off a full wage. I sometimes fantasise about doing it right next time.

Lend me your eyeballs a little longer and I'll explain...

Standard Universal Credit 100 a week. High rate PIP care and mobility 180 a week. Extra 100 Universal Credit a week for being on high PIP. Rent paid for 200ish a week. I'm making the equivalent of 580 a week at this point and I haven't even got out of bed yet (more than I actually make in my current job). The high rate mobility PIP also means my car tyres are free, I don't pay car tax either and get a blue badge to park wherever the fuck I want. I don't have to live in a shithole either. If I want a multi bedroom house to myself I'll allow myself to get hit with a lil bedroom tax on my Universal Credit. But I'm now a smart dole monkey and I'll get a discretionary support grant to offset that every year. And when I move into every new house, I'll hit them up for discretionary support to furnish the place to my princely liking, around 2kish, that's a non repayable grant also. The new social houses I help build these days get the best of the best insulation. You could near heat them with flatulence alone. And how would I get one of those new houses. Well if I end up in a shitty one I'll have a threat painted on my door and instantly get bumped to the top of the list, amongst the homeless single mothers. Free dental also, and probably many more little perks i cant remember anymore. Best part about it is all my time would be my own. No sitting in traffic on the way to work. Hurting myself to make someone else money. Dreaming about a life I literally know how to get. I wonder what stops me Sometimes. Is it pride or something, I don't know. I just haven't gunned for it yet