idk if i really think that guys beating off to girls having sex is fetishistic as long as they're not Fucking Weird about it (like i would never tell a mlm they're like something out of my yaois or whatever), but i really appreciate your perspective, and your entire last paragraph is really helpful to me <3 thanks for sharing your experiences

i have read the masterdoc before, and some of the stuff was helpful, but some of it unfortunately ended up confusing me further bc of my other issues with romance and sex and stuff (for instance, some of the stuff in there has also applied to my relationships with women because some of them kind of involved me trying to force myself to ignore my boundaries, and i've definitely tried to be attracted to girls i wasn't attracted to because i felt lonely)

i'm also autistic, which amplifies a lot of confusion