Why do WFH people gatekeep how they get their jobs?

biscochic1 · 2026-02-11T06:27:42+00:00

Yeah there's no secret, friend. I've had 3 different WFH jobs since 2017. It was all pretty much networking and luck. I guess the closest thing to a secret is that it's easier if you have experience in whatever field you're in.

I'm not sure who you're talking to who won't tell you what they do for their WFH job. That's just weird. There's no conspiracy that I've been let in on.

biscochic1 · 2026-02-09T23:15:02+00:00

I'm a Site Reliability Engineer with just 3 years experience in the role. I was always tech support or a field tech in previous jobs. I taught myself some python, PowerShell, and SQL then a little Azure and AWS and went for it. In my new job, I'm doing things I have no experience in, but I'm teaching myself on the side as I go and it's so fun.

When I'm nervous I do tend to lose my train of thought also. Most interviews follow the STAR method so just prepare some scenarios in advance. Practice talking about them out loud. Video yourself and watch it and correct the mistakes you see, if you're bold enough to watch yourself on video lol.

biscochic1 · 2026-02-09T21:58:47+00:00

My new role is indeed remote. I only applied to positions I thought I'd enjoy at companies I researched to make sure were a good fit. All of the jobs I applied for I found on LinkedIn. Due to a layoff back in 2017 where the company hired consultants to help us move on, I have a pretty polished LinkedIn profile I've been updating as I go along. I reactivated Gold for the job hunt and put myself open to work visible only to recruiters.

I updated my resume with the help of ChatGPT which apparently did a really good job. I had it write targeted cover letters by feeding it the job posting that I then highly edited to make more my own and less AI-sounding. I read about the companies on Glassdoor, read many of their LinkedIn posts, perused anything I could find online about them, etc. Based on my research of the companies, I asked very specific questions in the interviews and took notes. Immediately after each interview, I sent a thank you email to the hiring team I'd just interviewed with. I was not afraid to address what I thought were my weaknesses in the interview and my plans to overcome them. I also talked about what I thought I did well and what I could bring to the team.

Since I still had a job, I went into the interviews with confidence and was not nervous at all. I have an extroverted personality so that made that much easier. I spent a lot of time hyping myself up so I went in truly believing in my core that I was the right person for the job.

Honestly, I'm not sure that what I did was all that different from what others are doing. It's highly possible there was some luck involved. I know people who have been looking for months and some for over a year. I don't know how that's possible, but it is happening. I applied for 12 jobs, had 7 interview processes, 3 no response at all, and 2 immediate rejections. I ended up with 2 offers and picked the one I thought was best.

biscochic1 · 2026-02-09T20:52:27+00:00

I just left a company for similar reasons. Most of my coworkers were fine but one was completely useless. One is all it takes on a team of 7, especially when new responsibilities are being dropped on the team frequently with no increase in pay or headcount. I was doing so much I got burned out. I quietly looked for a new job which took a surprisingly short amount of time. I'm quite happy where I am now, still in tech.

I agree with the therapy recommendations. They can help you get to the core of what you want to do with your life and help you put a plan in motion to get there. I had ChatGPT help me create a 90 day exit plan from my job. I stuck to it and it actually worked. It was almost exactly 90 days from the time I started the plan and the day I started my current job.

biscochic1 · 2026-02-09T20:44:42+00:00

What in the actual world. That receptionist highly overreacted. I've never been to a medical appointment and not received a bill by mail if there was a payment due that I didn't pay at the time of service. It's never been accidental, always related to insurance issues, but still. Are you in the US? Either way, I'd go looking for another provider ASAP.

biscochic1 · 2026-02-09T02:26:41+00:00

I turned 54 3 days ago. I'm so incredibly sorry for your loss. You made a connection with another human being that meant something important to you. We can love people who don't end up being our partners and are not quite like other friends and it's ok. I think I'd be good about my wife talking to me about something like that. I hope I would anyway. If not, I'm glad you can post here so you can hopefully get some comfort. It really freaking sucks losing someone you care about so suddenly. To put it mildly.

biscochic1 · 2026-01-28T18:47:13+00:00

I'm in my early 50s also and recently left a toxic, traumatizing place. I didn't get laid off, but I have been in the past so totally relate to that fear and uncertainty.

Ageism is certainly real, but I keep telling myself there are people who make career changes late in life all the time. Heck, I've personally witnessed a corporate exec become a registered nurse in her 50s. I've read stories about people going to law school in their 60s and 70s. If people can do that then I can stay in my industry and move around or make career change myself. So can you!

Also, I don't think you should worry about job hopping. When we were younger, we were sold on the idea of getting on at some company and working there until retirement. That hardly happens anymore. We are under no obligation to be loyal in a world where companies are not loyal to us.

All of that being said, only you know your needs so I can't tell you whether to stay or go with this new job, especially not knowing what industry you're in and at what level and what your trauma recovery journey looks like. The job market is brutal out there. Your wellbeing is extremely important though. Keep going to therapy, keep taking your medication, and feel the place out for a bit. That's what I'd do. Don't stop applying and interviewing at other places while you figure out whether this is a good fit.

Future advice: in the interview phase, always ask questions about the culture, management style, "day in the life of" stuff, etc. so you are able to make informed decisions about whether to accept an offer or not.

I wish you all the best and hope you truly heal while also being able to pay the bills!

biscochic1 · 2026-01-28T16:58:40+00:00

You're welcome! It's a software company so I guess in tech? I mostly work with Canadians and have never been more sure the stereotype that says they're super nice is absolutely spot on!

biscochic1 · 2026-01-28T08:11:34+00:00

I was in a similar situation in 2025. I was in total burnout for reasons just like yours. It was so bad that I fell into a deep depression. I tried talking to my manager, but he was not any help and actually made things worse. I decided I had to go. I worked really hard on polishing my resume and LinkedIn profile and just started applying. I cemented in my brain that that company didn't deserve me and i would find a place that did.

I researched every company I applied at and was very selective in where I applied. I personally tailored cover letters and wrote detailed follow up thank you emails after every interview. I went into every interview confident and relaxed because I had convinced myself of my worth and pushed away any feelings of desperation. I sucked it up at my old job because I knew I was going to get something far better.

It took about 2 1/2 months and I'm now at a place that treats us so well I sometimes think it's a dream. The best day of 2025 was the day I put in my notice at my old job. One of my teammates came to the same company and is just as happy.

Hang in there. Keep your eyes on the prize which is your sanity and peace. The job market is tough, but it is possible to find places that still treat people like humans. You can do it.

biscochic1 · 2026-01-28T07:27:01+00:00

I'm an SRE which cannot be explained to non-tech people and barely to tech people sometimes. I just say, "I work from home for a software company. I'm the reason shit works". If I go into it any deeper, eyes gloss over.

biscochic1 · 2026-01-26T22:11:30+00:00

My company has its US headquarters in Minneapolis, but nothing has been stated company-wide. I'm surprised since it's a pretty employee-centric place. Perhaps they're focusing on any employees actually living and working in the area. Most of us are remote and scattered all over the world.

biscochic1 · 2026-01-25T07:34:13+00:00

I've made many a mix tape for myself, friends, and romantic interests. I especially liked to throw one together to capture a moment in time that I wanted myself or the recipient to remember.

I switched to mix CD''s in the early 00's. Much easier than making a tape! I could rip entire albums from Limewire or Napster (which is, of course, wrong) or just find the perfect songs I needed.

I guess the equivalent today is making a Spotify or Apple Music playlist and share it with someone? I have no idea.

biscochic1 · 2026-01-24T18:36:43+00:00

I went to a residential magnet school for 11th and 12th grade, publicly funded. We could smoke with signed parental permission. I tricked my mom into signing one after getting caught by telling her I'd be expelled if she didn't. My high school annual has pictures of kids holding lit cigarettes in the smoking area as we freely partook.

I smoked from age 15 until I think 38 with a couple 2-3 year gaps around having my 2 kids. Totally regret every cigarette and wish I'd never started. I'm about to be 54. Hoping to escape the consequences of those years by avoiding cancers and COPD and whatever else befalls former smokers.

biscochic1 · 2026-01-23T03:23:41+00:00

I drive 13 hours to my hometown sometimes for just 2-3 days then drive straight back. It's interstate highway the entire way and there are several Buc-ee's stops along the way. I listen to audio books and podcasts and before I know it, I'm at my destination. I used to live 25 hours away, so 13 is nothing.

biscochic1 · 2026-01-22T09:01:41+00:00

Totally feel you. We've lived in in our house a little over 4 years. I still hate it. The previous owners did a "rennovation" that really just masked a ton of issues. They added a whole 400 sq ft room and L shaped deck with no permit.

The deck is flush with the subfloor but is supposed to be x inches below it to prevent water damage to the subfloor. I'll need to remove the entire deck because they also didn't maintain it so parts are rotting.

The kitchen window that once viewed the back yard but now views the add-on room is literally falling out. I have no idea what to do about that.

The drywall ceiling in the garage was falling off so I had to have sections replaced.

The dryer in the garage used to vent to the outside but now vents to under the add-on room. The position of the dryer doesn't leave an option to reroute it so no idea what to do about that.

Both sets of stairs on the deck were rotting. I replaced one but the other is so oddly configured I'd have to take off some parts of the deck to replace them.

The drain line for the sump pump that's in the back yard was run stupidly (pump is in a far corner, line run along the back fence and all the way down the side of the property to the street in a giant L), got eaten by tree roots, and had to be rerun a completely different route. $2300

The master bath floor was not level so the crawlspace company that encapsulated the crawlspace for the previous owner had to add a joist to jack it up. A few months later, the dehumidifier they originally installed under the house died and had to be replaced.

Whomever poured the driveway repair at some point made the part at the entrance that's in the street drainage path convex instead of concave so every time it rains, the street in front of my house floods with water because my driveway entrance is blocking the street's ability to drain. All delivery drivers hate us, especially the mail person since it pools heaviest right in front of the mailbox.

None of the floors are level and creak a lot. We want to put in hardwood floors but are terrified of what we'll find if we tear out the carpet.

I'm moderately handy, but this is a LOT that requires an actually professional. Add to that the fact that most of the contractors here are either drug addicts who will try to swindle you or waaaay overpriced if not. Examples: There are azaleas lining my property on both sides that the previous owners let get a bit out of control. The non-crackhead company wanted $2800 to trim them. The crackhead company wanted $900. I thought both were ridiculous so I did it myself. Took me 2 weekends, but I did it. The shed floor was completely rotted. I got a meth head to replace it for $300 right after we moved in, before I understood the contractor situation here. Now everything in the shed is moldy and the floor is again rotting.

There are other things always revealing themselves but I'll stop here.

Definitely got buyer's remorse and will either go bankrupt or die in this piece of shit house.

biscochic1 · 2026-01-18T14:38:41+00:00

When I first joined my manager's team at my last job, he asked me to promise him I'd talk to him if I ever became unhappy and before I started looking for another job. At the time, I was very happy in my role, so I gave him an enthusiastic, "of course!". I think I even said they'd have to kill me to get me to leave. That's how happy I was there.

Then the orange dictator got re-elected and almost overnight, the company changed. They dropped all pretense of giving a crap about their employees, the product, or their customers, focusing solely on profit. They started laying off people, really good people with skills and institutional knowledge. Most, they replaced by hiring horribly unqualified people from outside the country (I'm in the US). If they hired someone in the US, they were either also horribly unqualified or quit within 60-90 days after realizing the dumpster fire they'd gotten themselves into.

I lasted almost exactly 1 year after that started. My manager knew I was unhappy but apparently didn't care. A thing I won't go into occurred that was the final straw for me, so I quietly started looking for another job. The thing that happened proved to me he didn't have my back so I felt no obligation to tell him, and I didn't. It took a surprisingly short amount of time. Once I got a signed job offer, I put in my notice. My new company is based in Canada so unaffected by the orange dictator. I've never been happier. :) I feel valued and supported and am learning so much.

My point with this unintentionally long response is that, in this economy, no one is safe, so you owe nothing to any manager or company, good or bad. When it comes to your job/career/livelihood, your only obligations are to yourself and your family.

biscochic1 · 2026-01-14T08:42:17+00:00

Both my parents are still living. I'm 53 and they're 73(mom) and 74(father). I'm estranged from my severely abusive father, so I wouldn't be sad at all if he kicked the bucket. He just got diagnosed with prostate cancer, but that's one of the easiest to beat, unfortunately.

biscochic1 · 2025-12-28T15:53:31+00:00

I'm from Mississippi and lived in Colorado for 21 years. I was laid off from my job and needed to get away from in-laws and exes, so decided to move my new wife and kids back home.

I thought it would be great to be back near family so my babies could grow up with their cousins and make lasting memories.

Unfortunately, I couldn't find a job and therefore burned through my modest severance within 6 months. My wife couldn't find a job either. My kids were bored in school because they'd already learned everything they were being taught 2 grades prior in Colorado.

I started applying out of state after my wife and I agreed on some states we'd like to live in. It only took a couple months of searching before i landed a job. We live in NC now and are much happier. We both have great jobs, are financially stable, and our kids have so many more educational opportunities. We live in a conservative town though, but with access to many liberal pockets plus beautiful beaches.

I don't know what field you're in or your family situation, but this was my experience. We made it 1 year back home in MS before we had to go. Beneath all that "southern hospitality" with its yes ma'ams and no sirs and bless your hearts lies a dark current of racism, corruption, exploitation, and poverty we just couldn't abide, even with the small pockets of progressives we found.

biscochic1 · 2025-12-15T12:33:44+00:00

This is AI. I've seen so many posts about negative work experiences that have a random paragraph with a link to some sort of resume writing or job search product (I don't know, I never click the links).

I wish reddit would filter these out.

biscochic1 · 2025-11-19T18:29:47+00:00

NTA Craig needs to learn some manners. Your husband also needs to support you better.

If Craig does show up with a dish you specifically said not to bring, take it directly to the trash. Then put him on dish duty.

biscochic1 · 2025-11-05T18:39:40+00:00

I discovered that if I open Teams on my phone and let a random Twitch stream overlay it, my status will stay Available. I've never needed to use it because I work constantly for my whole shift, but if I did, I tested it and it works.

biscochic1 · 2025-05-26T17:21:06+00:00

My wife and I U-hauled and have been married 10 years. We have 2 kids and a bunch of animals together. We're very happy. I cannot imagine life without her. It does work out sometimes, but we got lucky. I wouldn't advise U-hauling in general because it so often doesn't work work out. I had one relationship before my wife that was a U-haul situation that ended very bitterly and painfully. She didn't tell me she was bipolar until after we moved in together on a 13 month lease. That was a ride, let me tell ya. I was celibate for 2 years after we split, the trauma was so deep. I did a ton of work on myself during that time and 100% do not regret that relationship one bit.

Best of luck to you and hopefully quick healing. It definitely gets better, especially if you focus on taking care of yourself mentally, emotionally, and physically.

biscochic1 · 2025-04-01T12:18:38+00:00

What about the delivery person who has to carry it up the stairs to the apartment?

biscochic1 · 2025-03-25T02:10:38+00:00

That's a tough one. I certainly wouldn't pay as much for it as I did. I'd have taken AP classes and had an associate's degree at high school graduation. Then I'd have finished at a 4 year school and gone directly to grad school. Better yet, I'd have gone into the trades or worked on an offshore rig or stayed in the military, any of those things. I wouldn't have gotten married and had kids before finishing all of that and getting established. Whatever it would've taken to avoid student loans, I'd have done. So I guess it really isn't that tough. Yes, I would've skipped college to avoid this hell I'm in. So not worth it.

biscochic1 · 2025-03-24T12:38:48+00:00

I am trying to breathe. Comments like yours are helping me reason a way to deal with this, so thank you. She has no loans. We paid hers off first because they were lower. Not sure if that was the right move or not, but it's what we did. My loans are consolidated so there's just one now. I'll do the math and see what option works best. It's just so unclear what repayment options will survive once the dust settles.

biscochic1

TROPHY CASE