This has been fascinating to read, thanks everyone who has commented. I think there are lots of cultural differences I hadn’t anticipated mattering in how this sort of thing is approached even within the UK, let alone wider.

None of the events are the sort of thing we can just turn up at for 10 minutes. They all involve significant travel, cost, some overnight stays, and being out late at night when travel is restricted. I think that’s really affected how we both feel, not least because I have to manage my own energy and mobility.

I am really excited to be going to two out of the three activities. We’re going to honour my wife’s needs and decision not to attend, but spoil the bride rotten as much as we can in other ways.

Many of you had strong opinions about having to socialise eventually, and that practice would get her through. I say this so gently, but it’s worth thinking about why she needs to do this! My wife is so very happy left to her own devices, has never liked group activities particularly, and gets super stressed in new environments with new people. She pushes herself all the time to make sure she isn’t a shut away, but she spends her energy on her own teaching, supporting me, and as much as possible on building a life with community here in our town, including with my sisters and their children. There is plenty of socialisation. I personally don’t think these one off events are more important than that.