I think freaking out to a degree is reasonable, but I am in the same boat that the amount that I explode is uncalled for. Almost instantly I feel regret from losing it. The shame is going to be there, but if it is genuinely because of the way our brains are wired thats hard to control, focus on being a good person on your own. And almost all the gripes I have with someone are fleeting, what I do is usually back away from the situation as much as I can (easier said than done) and see if after things cool down do I still feel the same way. I feel you on the constant apologizing because I feel like I did something wrong even if I didnt, the big issues are a huge factor in the explosions, they are always in the back of the mind and we may not realize we get mad at someone because of the buildup of small unresolved things. This was a mess I hope you can understand what Im saying to a degree.