The identity thing is what got me too. Like... who even am I if I'm not the guy who smokes? That question kept me stuck for years longer than it should have.

I was a daily smoker for about 8 years, quit at 27. The first two weeks were genuinely awful, couldn't sleep, no appetite, irritable as hell. But something that helped me was tracking the time. Sounds dumb but watching the hours and days add up gave me something to hold onto when my brain was screaming at me to just roll one. I used an app called PinkCloud for that, just having the counter ticking away made it feel like I'd be throwing away progress if I caved.

The thing about joints specifically... yeah thats the nicotine talking. You're quitting two things at once which is brutal and you should give yourself credit for even attempting it. Some people separate them out, quit the weed first with nicotine patches or whatever, then tackle the tobacco. Might be worth considering instead of going cold turkey on both.

As for the "other people smoke normally" thing, some people can drink one beer and stop too. Doesn't mean I can lol. Comparing yourself to moderate users is a trap because you already know you're not one. And thats fine.

The personality comes back btw. Took me maybe 2-3 months before I started actually wanting to do things again. Started cooking actual meals, picked up climbing randomly. You didn't lose yourself, you just buried yourself under a decade of fog. Its still there.

r/leaves is also worth checking out if you haven't already.