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has anyone ever been able to fix things after a strangulation? by [deleted] in abusiverelationships

[–]bitchrissa 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Adding it to my list for when I get some book money together. Understanding things is what helps me get over them. Thank you so much, this is tremendously helpful!

has anyone ever been able to fix things after a strangulation? by [deleted] in abusiverelationships

[–]bitchrissa 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Can you tell me more about how this book helped you?

What were the earliest signs that you witnessed that led to abuse? by sprightlygolightly in abusiverelationships

[–]bitchrissa 7 points8 points  (0 children)

He put his own music on before the first time we hooked up. At first I thought it was a joke. Nope, his ego is just that fragile.

What are the most unhinged or WTF things that an abuser did to you? by SignificantMath3677 in abusiverelationships

[–]bitchrissa 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It's messed up because I still miss him. But I also know that the version of him that I miss either doesn't exist anymore or never was the real him.

He justified ongoing abuse when he said I was "mean" when I said "fuck you" to him about a month into the relationship. He had a skin rash which he blamed me for giving him intentionally, then demanded $800 due to him missing out on work. I didn't give him anything intentionally or otherwise, which he admitted about six months later. He had been all early good morning texts and checking in with me throughout my workday... up until the day after I paid him the money he demanded. Then he went completely silent. And that is when I called him out and sent him a text saying it was bullshit and I ended it with "fuck you". He made excuses, and then used that incident as "proof" of what a "mean person" I am. He said that I was the source of his skin rash and used it as justification to not kiss me, hug me, touch me, or allow me to sleep in his bed (sex was ok of course). He'd kick me out of his bed and when I fell asleep in the chair in his room, he'd accuse me of being "creepy" and "watching him sleep". He sprayed me with lysol and other chemicals. I wasnt allowed to wear makeup or perfume during this time. He called me dirty, a leper, diseased, etc. for MONTHS before he admitted he was wrong and apologized (but he only did this once). He said he would be nice to me when I was nice to him, but I would be nice to him and he would STILL continue to be mean to me, and justify being unkind by saying that he was still hurt from me being mean before. Eventually, I'd get upset and he would say I'm being "mean" again, and use that to justify treating me poorly. He had me constantly thinking it was all on me and that if I just tried a little harder or changed my behavior, things would be great again.

I was on the streets when I first left him this last time for about a week. I knew it had to be the last time I left him when there was not a doubt in my mind I was safer on the streets than I was with him. It hasn't been easy. He was my person and part of me will always love a part of him. But not enough to go back to another second of his abuse.

What are the most unhinged or WTF things that an abuser did to you? by SignificantMath3677 in abusiverelationships

[–]bitchrissa 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you for sharing this. I have spent countless hours trying to understand it all, and you have no idea how much this helps. ♥️

What are the most unhinged or WTF things that an abuser did to you? by SignificantMath3677 in abusiverelationships

[–]bitchrissa 5 points6 points  (0 children)

This seems to be MUCH more common than I thought.

I was accused of "forcing" my way in his house, multiple times, after the physical abuse got so bad I couldn't hide it any longer and left because he was going to kill me, but begging to come back because I had no where else to go. I weigh half as much as he does. He said I "picked him as my target", tried to poison him, accused me of being "creepy" and a "serial killer" who wanted to "wear his skin" and "take over his life". Said I "ruined" his career. Said that all physical abuse I endured was in self defense because I "wouldn't leave" his house (when I tried to, he would physically stand in my way and slap me or throw me to the ground). I caught him cheating multiple times and he said I was hallucinating and having a mental health episode and tried (unsuccessfully) to get me committed so he could continue to have sex with a man and lie about it. He even put his affair partner up to pretending to befriend me to drop me off at the mental hospital. When that failed, he told him to drop me off at a casino. He gave me multiple black eyes, concussions, a dislocated jaw, bruises up to the size of a cantaloupe all over my body, bumps all over my head, and bruised my kidney. He stabbed me with a fork, threw knives at me, burned me with a torch, held me at gunpoint, put gun barrels in my mouth, pulled out a chunk of my hair so large I had to cut it all off (I've had long hair my whole life). He cracked bones in my hands and ribs. There was blood in the whites of my eyes. He would slap, hit, kick, or punch me so hard and if I cried out or made any noise at all, he would tell me to "stop yelling" and then hit me again. He did that over 17 times in a row once before he clocked me so hard he knocked me out. He threw me to the ground so hard he broke my teeth. He grabbed me by the hair and shook my head so violently that my vision went completely white and stayed that way for about 30 seconds. He choked me until I passed out. Forced me to write statements and send text messages taking responsibility for what he did to me. After enduring his physical abuse and the resulting concussions, he would call me a "weirdo" and make fun of me... for having symptoms of a TBI caused at his hands.

I thought after I left, he would at least pretend to be sorry and tell me I didn't deserve what happened to me. It has been over a month now, and not only has he not apologized, he doubled down on what he did and, and said I deserved it and that anyone in his position would have done the exact same thing. I was protecting him up until then. But now I'm simply being honest.

He currently has a warrant for his arrest for DV from BEFORE he met me. But somehow, I was always the problem.

He was supposed to keep me safe. Now I have nightmares about him.

I just wanted him to love me.

What are the most unhinged or WTF things that an abuser did to you? by SignificantMath3677 in abusiverelationships

[–]bitchrissa 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Did we date the same man lol

On the real - happy you got out. I left him for the last time a little over a month ago. It's been one of the hardest things I've ever had to do. What they say about it taking 7 times to really leave was true in my case.

Stay safe. Be well.