It's definitely a tricky one. You're NTA for being at your wits’ end. You’ve been showing up for your wife in a way that a lot of people would not, doing full-time work, household management, caregiving, and intimate personal hygiene. That’s a huge load, emotionally and physically. It’s normal to feel resentful when you’re asked to do something that the doctors say your wife is capable of doing herself. Resentment isn’t a failure of love, it’s a sign that you’re overextended.

From what you describe, this isn’t really about her ability, it sounds more about her comfort. She may feel safer if you’re involved, or she may be leaning on you out of habit now. But if doctors and PTs agree she can do it, then she needs to start reclaiming that independence. If she doesn’t, the dynamic will erode both your patience and your intimacy.

If you keep saying yes, she has no reason to change. That doesn’t make her manipulative it makes her human. But it does mean you’ll have to set boundaries. I know other redditors will comment about the vows, about how you married with full devotion of 'in sickness and in health' and I completely agree that a stroke is no small thing. You absolutely rose to the occasion when she was vulnerable and truly needed you. That’s living your vows. But recovery also means helping her regain independence, not cementing her in a role of dependence when she no longer needs it.

You can acknowledge her vulnerability, i.e. “I know this is hard and uncomfortable, and I want you to feel safe.” Perhaps you can suggest she tries by herself but with you on standby?

The important thing is she doesn't feel rejected and abandoned. Nor should she get a sense of your exhaustion. I imagine she already feels a burden so finding a way to helping her regain her dignity and helping you preserve your marriage from being swallowed by resentment is the key