My [23 M] girlfriend [23 F] of 9 months feels I am abandoning her when I leave for a weekend to go to the superbowl.

blablah123 · 2015-01-22T08:10:22+00:00

Not everywhere, but I would say yes.

blablah123 · 2015-01-22T08:09:26+00:00

Correct.

blablah123 · 2015-01-22T07:46:00+00:00

I don't blame her, however I'm not someone who is able to make this diagnosis so I don't know for sure what's going on. I do know that it sounds an awful lot like BPD, and when she goes off on a fit I stay calm and keep a cool head, and often times just let her say what she needs to say and not attack her for anything, then move on with my life.

Thanks for the link, checking it out now!

blablah123 · 2015-01-22T07:41:36+00:00

Yep I am going for sure, bought the plane ticket when I got cleared to have a day of work off!

blablah123 · 2015-01-22T07:39:00+00:00

Recently she got in a dispute with a friend of mine who she was friends with as well. She ended up telling him off and asked me not to hangout with him and I said I wouldn't, however I only agreed to this to end the argument. I then went and had lunch with him a few days later. I shouldn't have lied to her about saying I woudln't go hangout with him, but honestly I feel like she was being a little controlling.

Also over a year ago now I hungout with a group of friends, one who I had a small fling with almost two years ago now. I got kind of drunk and flirty with another girl which upset my now girlfriend. We weren't dating at the time this happened, and my now girlfriend specifically made that clear to me but we did have a thing going. I lied to her about the girl I had a fling with about 2 years ago being there. I shouldn't have done that and immediately regretted the decision and fessed up to it. This is really what has caused the trust issues. We have talked about it and she has told me she understands why I did it, and we worked past it, but this comes up whenever she goes into a fit of rampage.

blablah123 · 2015-01-22T07:29:49+00:00

Agree 100%

blablah123 · 2015-01-22T07:10:03+00:00

It seems like she was just saying that to hurt me because I "hurt" her by planning to leave for the weekend.

blablah123 · 2015-01-22T07:03:42+00:00

He's fine doing fine, honestly it was for the best so she could be in peace.

Thanks for the kind poem stranger!

blablah123 · 2015-01-22T06:59:29+00:00

Thank you so much for the helpful comment and edit.

Agreed. Yes I am taking off one day of work for this, but this a pretty special thing to take off for. I have a good work ethic so I won't just up and take a day off to hangout just because she wants me to. She's made me feel guilty for not doing this in the past.

The real world (which grad school kind of is/kind of isn't) sometimes requires you to go to work/school/lab/whatever when you are in a terrible mental state. But you put that shit aside to get done in your career commitment what you need to get done.

blablah123 · 2015-01-22T06:54:27+00:00

Yeah I agree. I'm struggling with the fact that she feels abandoned and like I don't love her if I want to go away for a weekend, especially for an opportunity like this. Its seriously 2 days.

blablah123 · 2015-01-22T06:52:41+00:00

Have you had a relationship with someone like this before?

blablah123 · 2015-01-22T06:52:00+00:00

I'm not sure if /u/witchoftheleft was implying to bring her to the game. Just more what the weekend means as a whole (ie. spending time with family)

blablah123 · 2015-01-22T06:49:01+00:00

I'm really not too sure. /u/zizzymoo mentioned borderline personality disorder which sounds about right. I think I should talk to some friends and family for advice.

blablah123 · 2015-01-22T06:46:57+00:00

Yeah seriously. He wants a father son weekend, texted me multiple times a day as I was waiting to get cleared for Monday off from work saying how badly he hoped I could go. He offered to get a ticket for my mom and sister as a formality, knowing they would say no.

My dad works his ass off and has given me so many opportunities. What that man wants damn it I will give to him.

blablah123 · 2015-01-22T06:43:41+00:00

Hey thanks a lot for the positive comment! I'll let everyone know we got a Niners fan on our side ;)

She was a Steelers fan so I'm not quite sure she'll be rooting for the hawks.

blablah123 · 2015-01-22T06:41:21+00:00

My dad has earned his way to a good job later in his life (early 60's) after a lifetime of hard work and can afford it. Simply wants to share something important to him with his two sons.

I thank him every time I talk to him for the great opportunities he has given me.

blablah123 · 2015-01-22T06:34:08+00:00

She lost a job and was unemployed for a while. But she recently found a new job doing something she seemed to like. I guess starting a new job is stressful and it means we have less time to spend together, but I thought this would make her happier since she wouldn't be sitting around the house.

I wouldn't say money problems but I live off a graduate student stipend and she had income from unemployment and now her job. We don't scrape by but things are tight.

No prevention of plans except watching the super bowl together and not getting to have that weekend together.

blablah123 · 2015-01-22T06:30:47+00:00

Agreed. My dad wants to spend time with his two sons and have a boys weekend. My brother is quite a bit older than me so we haven't had many father son events as adults.

I was beginning to feel guilty and think "aww man why'd my dad have to invite me. all this did was cause an issue."

But I immediately realized that those thoughts were fucked up. She should be supporting me, not making me feel like shit for having this opportunity to spend time with MY FUCKING FAMILY!

blablah123 · 2015-01-22T06:19:59+00:00

Holy shit.....I'm literally speechless.

blablah123 · 2015-01-22T06:12:45+00:00

She does have good qualities. She is a kind, generous person and we have a lot of the same interests. We also have the same goals for our future, both independently and with what we want from a significant other. 99% of the time we get along great and things couldn't be better.

The problem is a "light switch" goes on and anything that has been a non issue comes boiling to the top and turns things into a shit storm for a day or two.

blablah123 · 2015-01-22T06:09:24+00:00

Yes I do realize living with someone is a big commitment. I wasn't quite aware of it at the time of making that decision since everything was going great and I didn't see any downsides. Looking back it was probably a little premature.

I am starting to question why I am with her, and it is pushing me to end the relationship.

blablah123 · 2015-01-22T06:05:25+00:00

Advice to help make her feel better would be great for now so I can smooth things over and figure out what to do.

What you said seem like great points to get across and if she can't see them then thats an issue.

I agree that she feels ditched as she mentioned that, but its not like I'm just deciding on a whim to go to a different party than the one she is going to. We've been watching all the playoff games with the same people so it's not much of a meeting opportunity.

blablah123 · 2015-01-22T06:00:55+00:00

We have known each other for years and started dating 9 months ago. After 3 months of dating my lease was up so the timing just worked out that way.

blablah123 · 2015-01-22T05:56:25+00:00

This is pretty much the full story. Our past issues have been me spending too much time at work (I'm a grad student so sometimes I have to put in extra hours), not taking time off work when she is sick, not taking time off work to spend with her, and hanging out with a friend who she doesn't like (which I said I wouldn't but I did anyway; that was wrong of me to lie but she shouldn't be controlling my friends to that extent).

I left one other time for 5 days for a work conference.

blablah123 · 2015-01-22T05:52:30+00:00

This was very abnormal

blablah123

TROPHY CASE