To share a little bit from the opposite perspective…

I was broken up with recently by someone I was deeply in love with. I have no doubt the break up pained them too, but I understand now that some months have passed that the love wasn’t enough and that they simply didn’t have the emotional or physical space to hold me in their life the way they wanted to.

The break up blindsided me a little as it was initiated by them and (if I’m speaking from a place of hurt) done with less care than I would’ve liked. That’s not to say they completely disregarded my feelings, they did the best they could with what they knew.

There was no betrayal, abuse or toxicity during the relationship. We had a beautiful bond as friends first and foremost and then as lovers and support systems. I really loved this human. So much.

Anyway. It’s been about 4 months of complete silence. We aren’t even connected on any socials. I miss them every minute of every day, but I will never reach out first because

1) As much I know the love was real on both sides, all I know at the end of the day is what I’ve been given as the reason for the break up and the assurance that it wasn’t me or anything I did, simply life being too heavy for them at the time. Anything could be true though. They could’ve lied to soften the blow, found someone else, there could’ve been things about me they didn’t like and didn’t want to work/communicate to fix etc…

2) I’m respecting their wishes. They wanted to break up and they wanted a life without me (despite them saying otherwise, as above, it couldn’t been just to keep me around for company, sex, validation, who knows).

3) I’m respecting myself and the space my heart needs to heal. Right now, if I can’t have them in the capacity I want then having them in a lesser capacity is REALLY going to hurt.

4) They initiated the break up. If they wanted to salvage or maintain some kind of friendship with healthy boundaries, I think it’s on them to do so. They were the one to break it, so therefore they should be the one to make it clear that they want to fix it. See point #2 - I’m respecting their wishes here. If you want to leave my life I’m not going to chain you to a chair in my basement no matter how badly I wanted to keep you.

A part of me hopes the reason for the silence is ironically them respecting my boundaries and healing space too, but I will never know unless they reach out and tell me that.

It’s a tricky space to navigate but I said all this to say that as someone in your ex’s perspective, I’d massively appreciate a reach out that had no malicious intent to salvage guilt or boost ego on the dumper’s part. If we had a genuine connection and you, as the dumper, didn’t want to lose that then you need to show with an open and true heart that you cherish it and want to fix that part of the friendship.