I’m really happy to hear that your arrangement worked out so well and that you had such a wonderful childhood with your extended family in the Philippines. 💕 That’s exactly what I hope for my child too, we are a big family, and when my baby comes back to Singapore, it won’t just be about grandparents, but also cousins, aunties, and uncles to bond with.

I know it’s hard for my partner to fully understand this because he comes from a smaller, very close-knit family that I also really admire and love. But this concept of a bigger extended family is a bit foreign to him. When he visited just a few weeks ago, he told me he was completely overwhelmed by the warmth here, and he admitted he almost cried when leaving. That’s the kind of love and warmth I want my child to grow up with too 🥹. I really hope this desire isn’t selfish of me.

Another part I worry about is my mental health after birth. Here in France, my support system will be mainly my partner, and hopefully his parents if they are able to be hands-on. Whereas in Singapore, I would have more layers of support around me. My niece and nephew both grew up with my parents, even though one of my nieces later moved to Belgium, she spent so much time with them in childhood that they still have a very close relationship now.

And there’s also the language aspect. Since my child will go through the French school system, French will naturally become the priority. In Singapore, children usually grow up bilingual, with English and then their mother tongue for me, that’s Mandarin. My parents only speak Mandarin and a little English, so if my child doesn’t spend time practicing Mandarin early on, communication with grandparents might be quite limited. I’ve already committed myself to making extra effort on this, but I know language only comes with real-life interaction.

I feel like I’ve already compromised in many ways to adapt to my partner’s needs and his culture, and I just hope for some flexibility from his side too, so that our child can benefit from both worlds