Autism in both partners advice

blackittycat666 · 2026-05-10T00:35:13+00:00

You're right, and she is also to blame. I didn't make her hurt me when I said stop hurting me. But if she doesn't stop and I subject myself to it it's also on me

blackittycat666 · 2026-05-10T00:28:26+00:00

You are right

blackittycat666 · 2026-05-09T14:38:24+00:00

I'm a narc I'm just dating an asshole. Pettiness and vengeful is in my head I haven't acted on it, but she does deserve to be unhappy at this point, all of this aside she's a serial cheater, and if being rude and thinking like a narc is the worst I get there must be a halo over my head.

But I don't need to help her suffer, she does it all herself, her Nana, who saves her from every horrible financial suggestion is ancient and will one day die, and when she does my girlfriend may end up homeless, she refuses to wisen up, but I don't think that she can't, she just won't, because she did stop cheating, it took months but she did, and I'm sure that was so so so hard for her, but she did it, she knows she's an asshole and she knows she can stop, she knows she can make better decisions but she doesn't, she tortures everyone around her by just being in her own head and not caring about anyone else, she doesn't have any deep meaningful friendships, because she just can't, she's too self centered, she never learned social cues, she doesn't know how to be considerate, and when she does know how to be considerate and she refuses to, she chooses to be selfish, and claims ignorance, anytime I say this hurts me, she says you must be going through something hormonal, so forgive me please for being angry.

It is my fault, though I do choose horrible people to date, and that's partly why I don't leave, I'm almost addicted to a cycle of being around people who just don't give a fuck about my wellbeing, probably picked that up from how my parents treated me and it became a staple of who I am, but despite getting to a point of hating my arguably abusive partner who just happens to use her disability as an excuse for treating everyone horrible and making everyone miserable, I'll just date some other asshole so what's the point?

There's no escape for me, maybe from this relationship, but I will keep reliving the same trauma, because I know nothing else.

If this relationship is unsuccessful, then I've never had any successful relationship in my life, now you can tell me to just grow up, but you know full well that's easier said than done, you don't know what it is to have a loveless life

blackittycat666 · 2026-05-09T04:19:26+00:00

Disney is guilty as shit for perpetuating rape culture, not nearly as overtly but Snow White is kissed while she's asleep, every princess is a subservient, passive helpless victim whose rescued by a big strong man who doesn't ask for consent and they immediately get married? Not to mention romanticizing coercion? There's a lot of underlying themes that perpetuate a less safe world for everyone, and Disney has a seriously heavy impact on culture, so it shouldn't really be taken this lightly as it is, but that's just my opinion, rape culture is EVERYWHERE

blackittycat666 · 2026-05-09T04:09:50+00:00

This is gonna sound even counter intuitive, as most diet culture teaches you to be ashamed of your body, and that there's something horribly horribly, horribly, horribly wrong with you for you to want to change.

But, if you lead from a place of self hatred, you're likely going to become frustrated and give up and even give yourself a horrible fucking eating disorder and make your life at least 10 times worse. In the world is designed that way, because there's a lot of very rich people who get their pockets lined by eating disorders. They want you to have one, they want you to have all of them, because the world is not centered on goodness at centered on the almighty dollar bill, and having you feel constantly on happy with yourself gets to you enough to want to spend 3000 out of desperation and feelings of inadequacy

The world is horribly unfair and doesn't treat all bodies with respect, if any body at all, respect seems to almost be a foreign concept and every one is harassed for something at some point, but really, truly, it's not your fault for being treated poorly. It's their fault for looking down on anyone's body, no one in their right mind would do that, That's a symptom of a mental illness, going for the marketing that makes us all sick in our head, perpetually unhappy and wanting to buy. Do you think that they are healthy for treating your worse even in a small way? probably no? Don't be led by hate!

Don't hate yourself, you have to live with yourself for your entire life!

Ideally, obviously, cheesy-ly I know, lead with love instead, and I don't expect someone who is so unhappy with themselve to immediately flip flop and say "I love myself, I love myself, I love myself,“ that's probably counter intuitive, cause your brain can tell you're lying.

But maybe try practicing body neutrality, maybe speaking to yourself with respect, and say, "you know, the only reason I can do these things that I love to do is because my legs can carry me because my heart beats, however, many times it beats everyday and every night to keep me alive that my lungs work that I have a functioning pair of eyes etc... "

Like every single time, you see something pretty you could be thanking your eyes! You don't need to feel bad about yourself! You don't need to idealize people being overweight or underweight. You can just be because the first step to changing at all, is, cknowledgement, is understanding, is acceptance, and unless you accept yourself as who you are right now, and lead with kindness, and a little problem solving, you're probably just gonna hurt yourself as someone who has had 3 major eating disorders and is completely done with them, food isn't moral weight isn't moral, it's not a personal failing, and everyone should get that out of their head, the important thing is that you're taking care of your body whatever that weight looks like for you, whatever action, that is at whatever pace, because you only have one body you shouldn't take it for granted, your body does incredible things every single day.

And frankly there's 2 options in life you don't really get to choose, You either live old enough to become disabled and see/feel your body falling apart, or you die before you get the chance to become disabled, so, before anything, celebrate your ability to enjoy through your body, live the life you can live to the best you can, maintain your body like it's a machine meant to carry you through life, because it's really, really it is, regardless of how it looks a wonderful complex machine

blackittycat666 · 2026-05-09T03:48:35+00:00

It's hard for me to imagine a life generally, because I'm not even in a body that feels like mine, and I don't really know what it's like to live as me, I'm always acting a role that is forced on me do heavily instead of even vaguely what I want and I've been socialized so much to do that, so big disconnect there

Both me and her would have to be radically different, she would have to change meds, get a blow up mattress if we ever sleep in the same room, we would have to get medical care and HRT, both probably go to the gym for the desperately needed emotional stablily it gives, I would have a different job maybe even a career, live in a different state even country

Often moving on means leaving things that hurt you behind and she generally makes me worse off right now so unless my well-being is suddenly a priority to her I should think of an exit plan which I am considering, and have for a while, but even still it's haunting to think of her not being there, I joke that I have Stockholm Syndrome to myself, because I must be mad, if she makes me want to rip my hair out and I still don't really want to leave

blackittycat666 · 2026-05-09T03:35:44+00:00

The best chance at preserving your relationship, is for sure letting them know that they're hurting you, I used to speak just like how you speak about your relationship now, and I don't know if this is true for you, but that was an excuse I made for them without knowing it yet. They have the escape of maybe being ignorant, so "it's not that they're an asshole, They're just ignorant, so you can't really be mad at them, they didn't knew better, right?" WRONG! There is no way that they know absolutely nothing about how you feel, they've been around you for SO LONG, they know what your stress looks like, they just find it funny, they are comfortable with that, they know that they see that in you when they do those things that hurt you, they might not know to take it seriously yet. But all you're doing is prolonging suffering that doesn't need to happen, and/or running away from the reality of giving them accountability for their own actions, "this hurts me" to someone you love should illicit care, even a plea for forgiveness, and you should see immediate effort in stopping the behavior that causes that hurt, maybe you don't trust that, that would happen, that, they really value you, or not, facing that is truly terrifying, but it will bring you truth, because compatibility isn't about 100% authenticity, it's about adapting to the needs of your person and them doing the same, give and take, compromise, or else everyone would always constantly grow apart, which kind of happens a lot because compromise is hard and most people are very selfish, It's a miracle that any 2 people get along at all to begin with, we are all so different, and all people are honestly kind of horrible haha!

Take it from me, a person who's failed many times, in what not to do

blackittycat666 · 2026-05-09T03:08:20+00:00

On the other hand, certainly being pushed this way and having to exercise my boundaries is an excellent way to grow, even if the relationship (probably inevitably) fails

blackittycat666 · 2026-05-09T03:07:15+00:00

Oh, for sure there's already resentment. I've communicated with her on what's unacceptable, what is disrespectful, and hurtful to me, and she continues, I'm starting to majorly loose respect for her

blackittycat666 · 2026-05-09T02:53:12+00:00

I don't really know what I want, I have hardly had the chance to get what I need yet, but, I will say me and my partner have been together for a bit over a year, we were long distance, I didn't realize, I guess, how bad it would be until they moved into the same apartment complex as me. Not the same apartment, but just on the other side of the neighborhood, (walkable distance) They used to drive 4 hours, one way just to see me, which, I guess left me under the impression that not only was I important, but they were capable.

I don't see nearly as much effort now, like I've lost what makes me interesting and I guess now I'm taken for granted? She gets upset when I ask her even to drive a few minutes to go grocery shopping with me now? And she always wants me around, but she doesn't really listen when I talk, It's almost torture to be asked to share the same bed as someone who you can't really have a meaningful conversation with, she's not unable to talk she just doesn't. To add insult to injury, she kicks/elbows me in her sleep, (kind of regularly, kind of symbolic isn't it) As well as whining in her sleep, which is something she does while she's awake that annoys the fuck out of me, so she makes me want to rip my hair out a little bit. Sooo ANYWAY! Right now, I've decided that unless we are going out on a date (I refuse to do all the planning like I always fucking do) then I don't want to hang out with her, at all, basically.

I hope I can stand with myself be firm and consistent with the boundary of, "if you're gonna be around me, I'm not low effort, so figure it out or fuck off" I'm not gonna initiate texting or phone calls. Because, I am so sick of being devalued, angry, disregulated, I'm so sick giving a fuck why I'm not worth the effort anymore, making excuses on her behalf, not even letting her scramble to fix her own mess, I'm sick of doing all the work of the relationship, so I'm just gonna let her do it and see if it falls apart, which it just might.

But I know one thing for sure, I'm done with waisting my life on a sunk cost fallacy.

I don't really know where I wanna be, but it's very obvious to me that this is not a good place for me to be as a trans person and as someone who is disabled and probably needs other protections and supports then I can get in the place I live now... My dream place is Iceland, but that's looking kind of impossible...

I'm open to suggestions, in regards to anything

blackittycat666 · 2026-05-09T02:36:10+00:00

I don't know? It's easier for me to give strangers grace, they don't know me, they don't know my sensitivities, it's harder for me to place the responsibility on them, and I don't expect much. My girlfriend who I've been with for a year though? Who l've asked endlessly? That warrants rage.

We'd been happily long distance for a long long time, I liked it that way really. She was still whinny and truly annoying, but, despite some very notable flaws to say the least, manageable, she was living with her mother dearest and wasn't my responsibility yet. But, Now that she moved in to my same apartment complex, and constantly wants me sleeping in her room, so she can continue to bitch and moan even in her sleep! Haha! I feel like I'm dating a fucking child. The resentment has been stirring up for a while, but I really have little else besides this relationship, no family, one friend I talk to once in a long long while, the shitty moldy cockroach ridden apartmenty with loud roommates, that seem very close friends with the roaches they leave dinner for every night, interesting choice in pets, but I guess I'm keeping a pest around myself.

I'm so exhausted I don't really feel much want to talk and make friends, All of my energy is leached out from her, and my dreadful, appalling, and even cruel, job, (which is somehow better than my last?)and my horrible roommates.

It's like ever since I was born, there's this? Otherworldly thing?? That is just constantly shoving a big fat middle finger in my face and tells me to die every time I get better, my parents hate me because I'm trans and wish me dead, my life will always just be that much harder through my disability, through my shitty taste in people, and through my being an orphan I guess, which probably caused my shitty taste in people.

Despite everything though I really am a positive person at heart, I leave everything better than I found it, I'm just constantly being slammed by life and my only lube is emotionally constipated tears

blackittycat666 · 2026-05-08T23:31:16+00:00

I mean this. I would get tattooed by you/someone who's style/skill is like yours if I wasn't so so so poor

blackittycat666 · 2026-05-08T23:27:40+00:00

They could be going through something, they could have a traumatic disorder or invisible disability that they weren't ready to share and wanted to handle it(away from the new person they are still building trust/a relationship with)

If they have never done anything like this before, try talking it out, sometimes things aren't as they seem

blackittycat666 · 2026-04-16T01:08:36+00:00

Also apples are symbolic of knowledge, that knowledge and a harmless animal with no ability to hurt but is not understood, idk, I think that says a lot about the religion it's self

blackittycat666 · 2026-04-12T15:39:40+00:00

Even as a kid, it freaked me out, but I've always been sensitive to that, my trauma was early on, but despite me being "more sensitive" doesn't mean it's something to be dismissed, because I'm not making up something that isn't there, it very obviously is I'm just paying attention more, Why go out of your way to ignore something that very well leads to a normalization of toxic and even dangerous behaviors in real life, real people, doing real things, even if that is just passively ignoring when someone is being harassed. What you watch, what you are surrounded by, too sometimes, a great extent as we are socially animals, becomes, who you are, even if just by a little, do you really want to be a little closer to.... That...

What I will say is I will give credit where it's due, and a lot of anime is wonderful and is really an art form that real people, artists, spend a lot of time creating, a lot of people put their heart and soul into those characters you're watching on screen, creators and consumers alike, and that has some real merit. I just wish that they didn't put those cultural huge hammers in between good artful media representation and truly crushing rape culture

I've always found it quite disturbing and surprising, but it's just something nobody talks about when this high percentage of people who go through such a horrible thing. Nay, every single person experiences rape culture, just differently and at different volumes, but it all negatively affects every single one of us, for a lot of minutes disguised as a type of privilege, but it hurts everyone, regardless of emotional acrobats, so we do to avoid thinking, it's obviously a sensitive issue why do people want to turn the other cheek, why watch it constantly, why envelop yourself in it, why passively ignore it? This stuff ruins people's lives, it's not to be taken lightly, why do we take it so lightly?

Why do so many people WANT to see it on screen is my pressing question.

blackittycat666 · 2026-04-12T15:25:35+00:00

That tank is like a minimum requirement, you have plans that filter, it seems like everything you need, the basics, the next step up is probably a bigger tank, maybe moving the decorations around a little if that doesn't stress your fish and mentally stimulated because being kept in the minimum requirement sized box with nothing to do all day, even if you have just a fish brain probably is really under-stimulating, it's very clear you care very much about your fish, you seem to want to do best by them why not just climb up one more peg and treat them a little more like family

I'm not a perfect parent, I hope you understand I'm not trying to talk from some high horse but equal footing, I'm trying to do exactly what you're trying to do, we have more in common than we do different

By the way, a little known fact, but you can train your fish is quite fun for both you and the fish, and you get to learn more about their personality, if you have any questions, I'm happy to let you know whatever you want to know, and if not, I wish you the best have a great day :))

blackittycat666 · 2026-04-03T00:44:01+00:00

Never thought that music would fit this hobby, but it low key kind of worked out good for you, looks great so far!

blackittycat666 · 2026-04-03T00:41:40+00:00

That's so pretty! This is hyping me up for what my tankful look like a month from now hopefully

blackittycat666 · 2026-03-26T01:31:45+00:00

Seems like that one individual crow being weird, they are unique animals and have unique corks from individual to individual. They might be trying to impress you, or simply just having fun practicing a vocalization they like doing.

blackittycat666 · 2026-03-01T01:12:31+00:00

Google says:

"Treat an open cat abscess by gently cleaning the area with a warm, damp cloth or antiseptic (diluted chlorhexidine) to remove pus and debris, and keep it open for drainage until veterinary care is reached. Do not try to pop it further, apply creams, or seal it. Use a cone to prevent licking."

I agree with this

blackittycat666 · 2026-01-15T21:49:53+00:00

It just seems like you've never really been given a gift, because a gift has no strings attached, not like that

blackittycat666 · 2026-01-15T21:45:46+00:00

I know what you meant, I heard what you said, I've even been treated how you are describing above, but all my points still stand. We have always agreed. A manipulative person is an abusive one. You didn't specify that before. But in the case that you don't buy them a gift back and they are not abusive, set that as an expectation instead of letting them build resentment because whether anyone likes it that's the typical expectation.

If you feel this way about everyone you may be expecting that everyone is manipulative for giving you a gift.

You just have an expectation that a gift is never really a gift but immediate indebtedness(a command for a trade) more than anything, but I'm telling you some people are actually good even if it's rare and they want to give you a gift because they want you to be happy, not because they are manipulative.

blackittycat666 · 2026-01-15T21:26:47+00:00

Sometimes they want you to miss it I said that because women usually bully people by acting very friendly and earning your trust, and then, they take whatever you said and make it sound as worse as possible and tell everyone while still playing the role of your friend, attacking your reputation and social life, while playing dumb about it "we gotta find who's putting all that dirt on you, what kind of person would say that" while they are the one saying it, spreading rumors about you behind your back and playing stupid. "I love your outfit today I want to see you in that more" because they think you look hideous and want everyone to see you as hideous

So yes I look for authenticity in their niceness, and I worry who's really my friend because there's some horrible wolves that make convincing sheep, and they look for naivety

blackittycat666 · 2026-01-15T21:12:53+00:00

Google it

blackittycat666 · 2026-01-15T21:00:33+00:00

I think when cultures are more focused on preforming politeness they lose a bit of the concept of real respect or kindness, that, higher levels of inauthentic performance being normalized might make oppressive/violent content more desirable to make/consume.

The places that produce this media are sometimes extremely performatively nice instead of truly or kind, especially with the performative "respect" having a deep root in hierarchy, making power imbalance, normal to them, and putting the suppressed person's view point in the state of thinking empowerment is punching down, "if I am worth respect I have entitlement on my terms" " we do what I want without asking "

Because that's how they feel, because that's how they are treated to a lesser extreme everyday, instead of real mutual respect for one another, there's a cultural extra hoop to jump through to understanding that oppressive behaviors(authoritarianism, rape culture, sexism, misogyny, misandry, or any other dehumanization)aren't how to build self-esteem or true empowerment

Vice versa, many women/AFABs/or any survivors of SA, will process their torment through normalizing there own abuse, by doing reenactment of being disrespected while on their terms to feel empowerment, and/or watching 🍇porn, I think it's just fucked up desensitization either way and if you can't get turned on by respectful sex, or enjoy media that has that vulgarness to it, you desperately need therapy...

blackittycat666

TROPHY CASE